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Gazelle 
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 Topic: ttc plan- 2nd thoughts?
Posted: 22 February 2008 at 1:58pm |
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Hi! Here goes..
DH and I have a plan to start TTC number 1 in around September/October this year. This is Plan number 3 as originally it was October last year and then January this year. I have been a member of this forum foo around 2 years so I can safely say this has been a consideration for a while.
The factors invloved in the current plan are that it fits nicely with DH's sport and travel commitments (i.e support when preggie and after bubs is born), I will be 27 and DH29, we have been married for 3 years next week and have our own home plus I have established my career. We have also done the travel we wanted to before babies.
But, now we have this definite plan and DH is all for it I am feeling a bit freaked out. Like I am giving up my "life". I guess I am still a bit selfish and like the fact that we can travel, can go out for dinner with friends at the last minute or I can sit and read a book all day if I want etc. I am bit worried about giving all that "carefree lifestyle" up forever and becoming just like my mum!
I can see that both sets of parents would be really supportive unlike when I was a kid and my mum didn't have hardly any. Plus I have decided I would atleast like to work part time to keep my sanity but..
My other issue is what everyone else would think. I still wonder if 27 is too young (28 probably when baby came). I think I look quite young and my friends are only now starting to have babies. I know this shouldn't matter but..
Has anybody else felt like this and had a baby and regretted it? Do the mum's feel like they have lost something?
I know there is never a right time to TTC and I know that I will probably always have some sort of excuse and keep putting it off (hence plan #3. But am I ready? What do you think?
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Bizzy
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Posted: 22 February 2008 at 2:05pm |
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i think that we all go through some sort of panic or second thoughts when the decision is actually made and it is perfectly normal... i wish i had started trying when i was that age instead of in my thirties...
other things to consider are that it may take you longer than you anticipate and you need to factor that in and if you want more than one also...
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Maya
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Posted: 22 February 2008 at 2:09pm |
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I don't think you ever regret the babies that you do have, but you might regret the ones you DON'T have...
As for age, I am 27 now and expecting baby #4. Did I plan my life to turn out this way? Hell no! But do I regret it? Not at all!
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 Maya Grace (28/02/03)
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The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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alexbabe
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Posted: 22 February 2008 at 2:10pm |
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gazelle- i cant advise what it is like to have a child of my own, cause me and DH is ttc #1. I can advise that I love travelling and I love being carefree, but I dont see a reason why your life should completely change, yes there will be some sacrifices that need to be made, but that still does not mean you cant travel and see the world.
Some people wait till they are much older to have kids and that is personal choice-there is no correct age to start, it is when you are ready. I started now because i dont want to be old and running after a teenager and stuff.
I think best would be to talk to DH-tell him what is currently going on and the thoughts you are having and you both can work at it togthere.
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ginger
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Posted: 22 February 2008 at 2:22pm |
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Gazelle ... DH and I have been TTC over 3 years, and we start IVF next month. I am worried and afraid that I am giving up my "life" now that it has really come down to it, and I really think it's just a natural reaction to a potential big life change.
GandT's advice re having more than one is very good advice - that's one of the things they said to us at Fertility Associates when we were going through decision-making processes. A lot of people think about starting their families, and forget about finishing them.
What other people think is irrelevent. I worried about this myself (so yes, am being a hypocrite, but I have the benefit of hind sight!), but if I'd put TTC off for that, then DH and I might have run out of time. It's an advantage to us that we didn't wait.
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Cuinn Lachlan 23.1.09 - 22:00
Antonia Helene 4.8.11 - 09:41
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almostthere
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Posted: 22 February 2008 at 2:23pm |
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Id have to say i aggree with Alex: talk to your DH about your fears. A problem shared is a problem halved as cliche as it sounds..
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The_Stuarts
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Posted: 22 February 2008 at 2:52pm |
Hey Gazelle
We're going to start TTC this September too after changing our plans from starting in Nov 07 then Jan 08 and this time DH is not allowed to put it off! 
I was all for TTC when DH finally agreed the first time but after getting pregnant I started having second thoughts too (a bit late) but I'm pleased we went for it and had Michaela becuase she is our world. Emma's right, you won't regret the kids you have just the ones that you don't have.
I was 27 when preg with Michaela and 28 a few months after she was born so I definitely don't think you're too young. One thing the older women from my coffee group have said is if they'd known how much they enjoyed being a mum they would have had their babies earlier.
Remember getting pregnant and being a mum is no reason to stop having fun. Initially babies are easy to take anywhere and everywhere with you and I'm sure you'll have lines of people wanting to babysit too.
Having kids also opens new doors - how often do you get to play at a park currently without people thinking your weird - LOL. I have so much fun with my daughter it's ridiculous!!
It's ok to have fears but do make sure that neither of you is feeling pushed in TTC.
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kebakat
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Posted: 22 February 2008 at 3:09pm |
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I'm 22 and I don't regret having Daniel for the world. Even if I perhaps haven't done all that I might have wanted to.. but having thought about this ages ago, there is no perfect time to have a baby, you will always think ohhh I want to do this before having kids and you'll always come up with something else to add to the list..
DH and I still have fun, the grandparents love babysitting him if we want time out or want a night out to dinner etc.. so remember that is always an option. And it's always possible to travel more with kids. Lots of the girls on here do! We are going to Aussie in September with Daniel, it will be a lot of fun, perhaps slightly different than if we didn't have him but still a great time.
What you are feeling is totally normal.
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Aprilfools
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Posted: 22 February 2008 at 3:25pm |
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That is sooooooo normal. I have the same thoughts sometimes; days where I want to march upstairs to family planning and go back on the BCP. We go out for dinner and drinks all the time and I love it but I'm also really looking forward to having fun with my children. Wrestling in the back yard like we did with mum when we were little, throwing dough at the walls to make it go splat and generally just being a bit of a kid myself.
I will probably come back to work 3 days a week when our baby turns 1 as I think I will need time away from the house. But we'll see, you don't know how you're really going to feel until it happens. It's good and healthy to have those doubts, it means you're putting a lot of thought into making the right decision.
For me personally I'm glad we're trying now. I want to have my children young (25) so that I have plenty of time once they're grown up to have a lot more fun. And I also wouldn't want to wait and then find out I've missed my chance.
Edited by Aprilfools
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Emmecat
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Posted: 22 February 2008 at 4:52pm |
Gazelle I can so identify with what you're questioning! I'm 33 (34 next month). DP and I decided to start ttc fairly early into our relationship and I'm glad we did as it's taking longer than we thought! Not wanting kids before this age was a conscious decision on my part as A) I hadn't met the right partner who I wanted to start a family with, and B) I wasn't ready to give up my independance to do so. In my early 20's I did have a long term r'ship where I fell pg immediately after we decided to start a family...and unfortunately lost that baby at about 14 weeks.  Had this not happened, my life would've been SO different now from what it has been. Not worse, just different. I certainly wouldn't have travelled and lived overseas, had the great jobs I've had or the experiences I've had(not all of which of course have been great!).
In my current relationship it has been about meeting the right person and just knowing it was the right time. Even in our ttc journey, there have been moments of panic for me as I realise my life won't ever be the same again...but that panic has well and truely subsided for me as I know that I am 100% committed to our relationship and our family. Adopting a 5 year old has helped this of course! It has definately been an easier decision for DP to decide he wants us to start ttc as he is a lot less independant than I am and already has 2 children from a previous marriage....so kinda been there, done that LOL
My advice would be to talk to your DP about it and if there is something special you REALLY want to do (such as travel, live overseas etc), then prioritise ttc with that. Like the others have said, ttc may take longer than you thought....or it might happen instantly! Unfortunately there's no way of knowing. I genuinely thought I'd get pg straight away like last time, however 9 years on maybe the ovaries aren't as sprightly as they used to be haha
You do need to make sure you actually want a family as it isn't for everyone....and also just weight up all the pros and cons of starting sooner rather than later. Whatever you decide, good luck 
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caliandjack
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Posted: 22 February 2008 at 7:28pm |
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Its all sounds perfectly normal, and there are a lot of us that feel the same way.
I'm 34 and starting to go through what you've already been deciding. Getting married in a few days time, and deciding if we start TTC in 6 months, 9 months of 12 months time. I am fully ready and realistic about what children will bring.
DF is might worried he wont have enough money to still be able to have his toys.
My biggest worry is the longer we leave it, the longer it may take. With the big 35 looming in June I do feel pressure to have babies sooner rather than later.
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Shezamumof3
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Posted: 22 February 2008 at 8:20pm |
Im 25, 24 when I got pregnant and I dont think I am too young at all, I think that if you feel ready then age shouldnt matter. Ive always wnated to be a young mum. Alot of the ladies on here are in their early 20's and some even younger none of us regret it.
I think if you feel really ready to start a family then go for it, its always going to be a bit scary, I mean, me, Im terrified! But SOOOOO excited aswell, I cantw ait to hold my little boy in June  I dont regret for a second ttc.
Talk to your DH about how your feeling  And dont worry what your feeling is totally normal
Edited by Sheza
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KiwiL
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Posted: 22 February 2008 at 9:16pm |
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Pretty much anything I wanted to say has already been said!! However, just wanted to add that DH and I started trying when I was 26, and I am 28 now, and sometimes I still feel too young!! Even now, I stress a little that I will be giving up life. Like the other's say - it seems to be a natural reaction.
But it sounds like you've been planning for a while, and this is a normal stress to be having. Even though I worry, I've always known I want to have kids more than anything, and I can't wait to be a mum. And, I wanted kids when I was young so I know this is right. It doesn't stop those odd moments of panic though!
I also look young for my age - people often go what?!? when I tell them how old I am. Don't worry about what other people think.
Good luck!!
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Gazelle
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Posted: 23 February 2008 at 10:51am |
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Thanks ladies. It is nice to know that what I am feeling is normal!
Now that this plan is a goer and DH is so keen (perhaps unlike plans 1 and 2) it is just a little bit freaky.
You are right about the fact that it may not happen straight away and planning for more than 1 (as we would like at least 2) so that is a major consideration.
Emmecat there is nothing left on the list of things to do before babies. All the ducks are line up in a row so to speak.
I spoke to DH briefly last night and he had similar answers to you guys. We can still have fun as our parents would be more than willing to help and he said if I wanted to read a book he could take the kids out for a day! He also said it doesn't matter one jot what other people think! I know he is right and I am sure once baby came I wouldn't regret a thing.
I may just use these next few months (I guess until July when I would have to start on the folic acid) to get mentally prepared!
BellababysMum you make the point about not really knowing what you are doing. That freaks me out a bit too. Like me? responsible entirely for another tiny person? Do you think first time parents all feel like that? I mean there is no licence to get or course you can sit on kids!
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ElfsMum
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Posted: 23 February 2008 at 12:44pm |
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well Gazelle...three weeks ago we became first time parents....:) so i can talk on that one.. I think everyone freaks out.. you are responsible for that person entirely and in the first few days I thought OMG what have i got myself into..but every day it's got easier and at 2am this morning when I was tired and feeding he smiled his first real smile at me..and as corny as it sounds I forgot about everything else:) so yes huge responsibility but huge rewards.... it's also , at least for me , parenting is something that can't be taught and you learn as you go along.. it's scary but awesome:)
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emz
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Posted: 27 February 2008 at 12:41am |
I had my baby at 21 (planned) and I don't feel any regret. We actually go out the same (if not more at the moment) than we always have, and take turns to go out with friends to the movies etc. If you've got a good support base, then they can babysit for you. I constantly have no idea what I'm doing, but man is this the best thing that's ever happened to me! I feel so alive (even with no sleep!) and like life has this amazing purpose. It is such a gift to be given the miracle of a baby and to be responsible for moulding this little being into a successful and happy person. Gosh can you tell I love being a mum? I'm ready for #2 already! 
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fire_engine
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Posted: 01 March 2008 at 4:05pm |
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Hi Gazelle. I'm 5 months pregnant with #1. I was the keen one and DH was not so sure and could have waited another 5-10 years (eek). For him, in the end he decided there was no great time and for him, he wanted to be a young dad (we're 27/28) rather than late 30s. Since getting pregnant, I've done several major freak-outs and I'm sure there will be more to come! I'm taking one child at a time - I think one is probably manageable and portable - the though of two is seriously scary for me (especially cos in my family, most 2nd kids are unplanned and follow about 1 year after #1). Good luck!
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ttc plan- 2nd thoughts?
