PRE TTC

Well, my hubby and I had been married for two years and were living in japan when suddenly we found out I was pregnant. We were far from financially secure, and were far from family (bt had made lots of "family" if you get the idea). Havging jake changed our life completely, but to tell the truth, the things that I can't do now, aren't erally things i miss. I find that I can do most things still, just need a wee bit moer planning than before. I don't really ahve any regrets about having Jake when I did.

travel - went to Thailand with Jake - no problem....travel with a baby just requires more luggage and planning.
education - I have two little boys and am now back at uni getting my teaching diploma...once again, just more advance planning and can't afford to procrastinate

Well, since I don't want to be too nosy (as I am often tempted to be LOL), I will just tell you where I was at when we found out we were pregnant. I'm 23, had been together with hubby for about 7 months when we found out - we were living together but hadn't thought that babies would come along quite so soon ! Liz is right about planning though, and you do get used to it. Mind you, I haven't actually *had* the baby yet, so I'm sure there's a lot more planning in my future As long as you are secure in your relationship, and your partner is willing to be supportive of you through *ALL* the ups and downs of TTC and pregnancy, then the rest of it doesn't matter *too* much. Babies do cost a fair bit of money even before we're born, and both DH and I are lucky we have good stable jobs, but that doesn't mean you can't manage on less. As far as education goes, again it doesn't have to be a problem, nor does paying off debt... it comes back to that whole planning thing Anyway, before I ramble anymore... best of luck with whatever you decide ! Oh, and if you do start TTC and haven't already done this - think about taking a pre-natal supplement with folic acid in it to help things along

I was far from 'ready' to become a Mum when I fell pregnant with Maya. I was exactly half way thru a degree that had taken me three years of procrastinating to even start, was 21, my relationship was on shaky ground and I had no family in Auckland (not to mention that my family were less than impressed that I was pregnant!). I sure found out the hard way that the pill + antibiotics= big disaster!
But like the others have said, you manage. I was sick all day every day for my entire pregnancy which meant reducing my workload at uni, and had to finish work earlier than anticipated due to other complications so ended up on a sickness benefit. We had NO money, my partner was having a midlife crisis of sorts and spending all of is income on alcohol and parties, so I had to try and buy all the things I needed for the baby with my $100-odd dollars a week. Thank God for KMart's layby and that my parents finally came to the party and bought the cot and carseat.
Anyways, the moment my daughter was born I knew that I had made the right decision. She is absolutely beautiful, and liek Liz said, once they're here you don't actually notice all the things you can't do anymore.
Not that it has been easy for us. Her dad and I split up when she was 3 mths old and I spent 6 weeks living on a friends couch, then moved into a place of my own, went back to uni and finished my last few papers with her in daycare. Then Maya got sick and ended up in Starship twice, blah blah blah etc. So it was blimmin hard.
But now she has just turned three and I don't regret getting pregnant for a second. Her Dad and I finally sorted things out and got back together in January of last year and are now expecting a baby brother or sister for Maya. Plus I graduated from uni, got a great contract that saw me travel to London for 3 weeks, and I got to take Maya with me which was awesome, plus we make regular trips to Sydney to visit my family. And now I have a great job working from home for OHbaby! which means I have the best of both worlds - a career I am happy with, and able to be a great Mum to Maya.

Sorry for thr ramble - but you asked

Hi sb1337,

I don't think anyone can tell you what you should or shouldn't do ...but I can tell you what I did/am doing, and hope that it helps, or gives you something to think about.

My husband and I are TTC No. 1 - we've been together about 6.5 years, and married for 4.5. Before we got married we talked about children, but we also made sure we talked about where we stood on things like, sports, education, religion, vaccinations, even pocket money and responsibilities a child should take on (eg. making beds, washing dishes etc) - so that we knew whether we'd be a team and whether we agreed with each other. I think it was a very important thing we did.

I am 27, and though I have wanted a child for a couple of years, we have waited until now so that we were in a not too bad position financially - we own our own home, with about 30% equity, and our only debt is our mortgage. We bought a good car for kids (a wagon), and we have also spent a huge amount of time with a young child (our neighbour) from the time she was a new born baby. I've looked after her when she's sick, screaming like a banshee, I've watched her frantic parents take her to hospital for fever, I've been called in the night to help (they were both sick, and the baby was unsettled), I've fed her, changed her, and I've watched her parents pace the streets late into the night with her in a pram when she won't settle. I've also gone home afterwards and had a sleep almost every time I've look after her for a long period! I guess what I'm saying is that I think it's been an excellent exerience, being that involved with a child, and being able to see how much work goes into being a parent. The responsibility, the hard times, the fear that parents seem to constantly carry around. And, I imagine if/when I have my own, it'll be even more of a shock.

The other thing my husband and I considered is, how we would cope as a couple if we had a miscarriage (and awfull thought, I know ...but there is a history in my family), and, as awfull as it is also, not all children are born perfect. We considered whether we were strong enough, in ourselves and as a couple, to make it through if we had a special needs child. And, if I had a special needs child now, do I feel I have what it would take to cope, or try and cope?

The other thing is to discuss where you stand on being an at home Mum (if you have the option), and how you would feel if you couldn't be and wanted to be and how stressful that might be for you.

Travel and education - I'm part way through a degree studing part-time, and I'm intending to carry on once I have a child. The same with travel - we have travel plans that we will probably end up including a child in. I think, like the others have said, you plan and you manage, and it's fine.

The only thing I will say is that you don't sound too sure. Make sure you are sure. Make sure that you don't feel pressured. A couple of years makes a huge difference to the way you think, and the way you cope with things ...you learn more every year. If you have the luxury of planning, be sure that you are sure.

And, good luck!! If you go ahead with TTC, go to the Dr and get a full check up, make sure you have good B and folic acid levels, and go to the dentist - may as well get any work done that you need to before you get pregnant. Also, do a budget. See how you will cope financially, what your goals are eg. owning a house, and see whether you can make it.

I am turning 21 this year. I have been with my partner for just about 3 years. We had talked about kids but not in depth, he is 27 and i knew he wanted them before he was 30 which i figured gave us another 3 years to plan. We are not financially stable (e.g. No savings )but we are living comfortably. I always knew i would have kids young but i always thought i would be married, own a house or at least have a deposit saved and he was the same. I have none of that but when i told him we were having a baby he was soo over the moon (he is not the best with money and likes buying project cares) Since i told him he said been watching his money and he is even selling his VR4 to look at a "family" car. This was the best thing that happened in our relationship. I don't wish that i was not pregnant for a second.

Hello everyone,

Thank you so much for replying with so much thought and detail. It is very interesting to hear about your own personal experiences and I really value your sharing (not to mention feedback and tips!).

In terms of where I am at, I am in a very stable relationship, we've been together 3 years, engaged for a year...just waiting for some window of opportunity when the rest of my family stops getting married and we can sort out the paperwork to get that all overwith (not a wedding person).

I have an arts degree, been in the same job for a few years am slowly plodding away on my post graduate diploma extramurally while I work full time...

My partner has a good job and as I said he already has 2 kids so he knows the reality of being a parent and he is really keen to start TTC as soon as I am ready...

We share views on religion/politics and we've seen each other in action as a dad and pseudo-mum so I don't think there will be any surprises there. I want to be a stay at home mum for the first 5 years and he is willing and able to be the breadwinner.

I guess my problem is I am TOO MUCH of a planner. I want to have a child sooner rather than later because I would like his girls to have some sort of sibling relationship with our kid(s?) and not be too much of an age gap. Also I feel ready and happy about it and keen to be a mum.

The only thing is I worry that we have too much debt and no assets. But as some of you have pointed out, there's probably never a right time..

Mmm still torn, of course But it does feel really good to ramble on, knowing that these are probably things you've all considered in one way or another.

Hey Sophie

I was with my now husband for 2 years and we started TTC when we were together for 1.5 years, we dont own our own house, we have some debts and i now dont work but we got pregnant a year later and got married when i was 9 weeks pregnant all paid for by ourselves, we planned to get pregnant and even tho we did we still arent mentally ready but i know when the time comes we will be Im also young my husband is 26 im 23 hehe oh and my names jess and i to live in wellington so if you wanna chat or somot then email me jesscoburn21@yahoo.com.au or add me to msn lafemmejez@hotmail.com.

I hope i didnt ramble to much hehe

Cheerrs

Jess

Edited by Jezsika

yeah thats true there is no right time but money is a big thing if both u and ur partner work full time and theres no going back

We had been together 8 months when I got pregnant- I was 22 and DH was 25. We had both just left uni and started our careers. We were living together and though we had talked about our future and kids, we certainly thought it would be at least 6+ years before we started trying.
Ideally I would have liked to have been married first, had some more work experience behind me, got alot more travel under my belt and have been more financially secure but we have just had to rearrange things a bit. We got married earlier this year, are moving to the UK in June to travel and make some dosh and I am doing part time training while I'm at home with Charlotte. We are still getting everything we had wanted- just in a different order :)
I agree that there is no "right time" but if you are in a position to be picky and aren't completely comfortable at the moment then it can't hurt to wait a bit.