DH not wanting BFP

Sorry no advice but just big

Alex DH sounds like he is being selfish and hurtful towards you and that's not on.

My own DH wasn't really keen on the idea of having a child for about 2+ years while we were TTC, and he said to me just a couple of months ago that he's only really come to a point in the last year where he really, really wants it. We've been TTC for about 4 years I think? Anyway, he had reservations and doubts and wanted to do things. BUT he talked to me about them and told my what, where and why (eg. he wanted to travel before finances and life were tied to a little person - so, we organised things for him, and off he trotted to Thailand for example), and as far as not being that keen on becoming a dad - he dealt with that and worked through his feelings before sharing them with me, so that he could tell me why the felt what he felt. For him though it was like it is with most guys - he needed more time.

I know you've probably told me, but how old are you and your DH? Sometimes it's a maturity thing with DHs and we all know that they're a bit slower than us gals

But it comes across to me that you DH has perhaps lashed out? Was there conversation around it telling you in what ways he didn't see it as a positive thing? What his concerns are? The playing butler comment is a bit off ... and the no sleep thing ... well. Who wants that? It's part of the sacrifice of having a child though. My DH works nights shift, so I'll be doing nights and days with baby without an extra set of hands if we have our family - I can't say I imagine that'll be easy, but that's why it's call a sacrifice.

I think what you need to do is sit down with him Alex and, hard as it may be, nut it out either way. Does he not want children? Does he think he will change his mind over time? Does he understand that you have a fertility issue and therefore, leaving children until too late may BE too late? There are a lot of considerations, lots of things to discuss. The other thing from your perspective is that if DH isn't on board - what if you have a special needs child for example, or you need somethign like IVF where there is a huge amount of partner-support needed? Will he be there for you, or throw his hands up?

Ooooh dear - what a novel from me! Sorry!

I am so sorry you're having this upheaval (sp?) - it's a hard thing to suddenly realise that you and your DH aren't on the same page I hope you sort this out and it's just a blip.

I read an article a while ago saying that different views of children in a relationship was the least likely of all possible differences where a couple can reach a compromise ie you either want them or you dont. I think you need to have a serious chat to your DH and then decide what you need to do. If he's happy to never have kids, would you come around too?
Big hugs in the meantime

lol ginger,

okay abit of an update-i called dh and spoke to him and stuff-he knows how i am feeling. he reckons i should still go to the specialist-because pcos still needs to be addressed. He wants us to work on our relationship first-i guess he wants to make sure he is ready for the impact it will have on us and how things will change.

i want to send you some big hugs too hun!

catie wrote: I always felt that having a bubba would be wonderful but the icing on the cake, not the cake itself - so that held our relationship together. Good luck!

thanks ladies,
it has made me feel so much better that i am not the only one that has had dh change his mind.i have to say i have stopped crying and trying to see it from his point of view. Catie what you said really made sense. now i have alot to think about hey.

Hope you ladies are having a nice day cause in auck the weather is sooooooo unpleasant.

Sterryn, your DH sounds just like mine (and me to some extent)!

I met him in the UK (he was on his OE), he was Mr Batchelor (sp?) back then - never wanting a full on relationship let alone get married and have kids! He wanted to travel the world for the rest of his life! and I wasn't that keen on the marriage and kids idea either.

Anyways - 10 years later (4 years married) we are the "A typical husband and wife in the 'burbs" LMAO

Back to Cindy's problem - We are having a similar issue with TTC#2 - or should I say getting around to TTC#2. DH is 50% keen due to his issues he needs to address after my horrid labour (I've tried everything I know how to help him) and also money worries with 2 in daycare etc.
Long story short - it is a decision BOTH of you should make together and BOTH be happy with the final decision. My DH doesn't want to see me go through a horrid labour again and he doesn't want the sleepless nights and the stress all of that put on our relationship (not to mention a drastic change in lifestyle with 2 kids would mean).
But here we are - Caitlin is nearly 2 ad I'll admit that some days have been really rough, but you work through the bad days together, that's what makes your relationship a success and the good bits about having a little mini you (or DH) running around far out weigh any concerns DH or I ever had about having a baby
We're looking forward to TTC maybe at the end of the year - but as others on here will tell you, we've been "about to TTC #2" for the past year

**and a novel from me too**