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Maya View Drop Down
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    Posted: 04 May 2008 at 7:50pm
I was in the kitchen this afternoon and Maya came in to tell me the gremlins were pulling all the baby wipes out of the box (yes, they are feral). I told her to take the wipes off them and put them up on the shelf where they can't get to them.

Five minutes later I hear Willie yelling and go in to find ALL the wet wipes all over the floor and Maya sitting watching/laughing at them. So I sent her to her room and told her she can use her pocket money to buy more wet wipes on the grounds that she *knew* what they were doing was wrong, and that I had told her how to fix the situation, and instead she chose to watch them coz she thought it was funny.

Is that too harsh? I know I could have gone in and taken the wet wipes off them myself, but she IS five and I didn't think it was too much to ask?

Also, any tips on how to stop her yelling at them? I rarely yell at my kids (I usually huff and puff in frustration and mutter under my breath instead) but whenever she sees them doing something mischievous she yells at them, and it's not really how I'd like to parent them.
Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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busymum View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote busymum Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 May 2008 at 8:33pm
Hmmm I might have sent her for time out as well, because it was not doing what you said. But I don't think I'd get her to pay for them as well. She's the big sister, but sometimes she needs to enjoy them as sisters not just be their "other boss".

Of course you can probably tell that I'm a big sister who was often left in charge!
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Bizzy View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Bizzy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 May 2008 at 8:43pm
you cant go back on the pocket money thing, once its said its a done deal...

you might have possibly been a bit harsh... but it wouldnt have been too hard for her to take the pack off them instead of watching them.

with regards to her yelling at them i guess you will have to keep telling her not to...but if you are getting her to do things in the way of looking after them - lets use the wipes as an example, not a good one albeit but it will do - then i think it reasonable to think she will expect to be able to "parent" them in other respects too. it may also just be her personality as she tries to "parent" the boys too and that is going to be hard to change.

Edited by Bizzy

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Maya View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Maya Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 May 2008 at 9:05pm
I think it definitely is a personality thing, she's a control freak like her mama She even does it with her friends. She has a really overexaggerated sense of what is right and wrong and sees herself as the enforcer and/or the tell tale.

She's not generally expected to be their "boss", I actually try to discourage that coz they are quite difficult atm behaviour wise so I want to be consistent with them and that's easiest if I parent them and not her, but there are situations in which she is "in charge" of them - for example if they are all playing together and I am getting dinner.

I guess what really annoyed me was that she had come and told me about it, been given a response then completely ignored it. Had she not come in to me first and just sat there and watched them I would probably have said "why didn't you come and tell me" but I wouldn't have blamed her so to speak.
Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Andie View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Andie Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 May 2008 at 10:17pm

Harsh or not I think the most important thing is that you stick to it to show her you mean business.  I mean, if it is too harsh (and I don't know if it is or not to be honest) then it's not like it's waaayyy OTT, know what I mean?  About the yelling thing, I've no idea sorry.  Maybe in 4 years time I'd know a thing or 2 on it?  ... by when you'll be dishing out advice on how to manage your tween!!  ARGH! 

Andie
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mummy_becks View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote mummy_becks Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 May 2008 at 6:25pm

Yep don't go back on taking the money out of her pocket money as it *should* teach her a lesson. I did this to Andrew after he took chocolate from the supermarket - he hasn't done it since.

I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived!
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jaz View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote jaz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 May 2008 at 9:25pm
I think its too harsh. She is five and not responsible for them. I'd tell her you've thought it over and this time you won't take her pocket money off her to pay for a replacement but that you are upset that she saw what was going on and didn't take the wipes off them. Maybe you could say 'in this family we help each other and sometimes Mummy needs you to tell her if the twins are getting into mischief' or 'in this house we speak nicely to each other'. Rethinking when you've cooled down after you've acted out of anger is different from going back on your word.
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nictoddie View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote nictoddie Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 May 2008 at 7:53am
Gosh I don't think it is too harsh you asked her to go and take them off them and she did not she chose to sit and watch them have fun with them lol, that is what you said you would do and stick to it, it may make her think, 5 year olds are funny things now that I have one as of today, mine gets so invovled in what he is doing that I have to ask him about 3 times to do something, or maybe it's the male thing with selective hearing, she did come and tell you what they were doing and you did ask her to take them off them.
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Bombshell View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Bombshell Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 May 2008 at 6:04am
Sorry Em but i think that it was way too harsh...she is FIVE and YOU are the parent NOT her....it is up to you to stop the gremlins not her. She came and told you cause you are the mummy! She does tend to parent them at your request and that is not necessary....

next time stop and think and go and tell them off....dont leave it to a five year old.

and yes take back that pocket money comment...in fact buy her something to apologise.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote susieq Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 May 2008 at 1:51pm
I dont think you were too harsh Emma
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yummymummy View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote yummymummy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 May 2008 at 8:16pm
Gina loves pulling wipes out of boxes too. My mum buys her boxes of nose tissues just to watch her pull them all out
Sorry no help - just wanted to say Maya isn't the only one that finds it funny (although my mum's name is Maya too )
    
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Bizzy View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Bizzy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 May 2008 at 8:32pm
ouch BS, talk about harsh

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Bombshell View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Bombshell Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 May 2008 at 6:18am
come on Maya is five.....!!!! if she was 15 maybe but we are the parents not the first borns! and with another one coming Emma wont want Miss Maya to resent her later and tell everyone that she had to raise her little sisters.....I say let her step back now....you hear of the oldest kids having to step in way too much and we have all seen maya do it....shes not the mum.

Emma knows I love her!!!!
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Bizzy View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Bizzy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 May 2008 at 10:52am
i DONT think that YELLING at emma was very nice BS.
as a parent of more than one child i too have found myself telling the older one to take something off the younger one when i am busy and it is not an unreasonable request at all.
also i think that we cant make an informed statement like "She does tend to parent them at your request and that is not necessary.... " based on seeing someone in social situations only.

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JPP View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote JPP Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 May 2008 at 12:46pm
Emma - not harsh at all, in fact I'm probably a tad guilty of asking more of my older son in regards to watching his younger brother, like dinner time and shower time etc..
The punishment was for not doing as you asked not for what the twins had done and quite honestly similar to what I would do in the same situation.
                        
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote BaAsKa Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 May 2008 at 2:06pm
oh i hear ya Emma!!! Bay will come and tell me about Astin doing something but instead he'll go back an laugh or egg him on!!! GGRRR and i DO tell him to take it off him because that is NOT a hard task for a 4-5 yr old to do and they should comprehend.

BTW - Astin is a freak about "NEEDING" to pull ALL the wipes out of the packet!!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote arohanui Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 May 2008 at 2:07pm
I don't think it's too harsh - considering she knew it was wrong and came and told you about it, and chose not to follow your directions. Sure it probably would have been best if you did it yourself, but heck at 30 weeks pregnant and busy in the kitchen I would have done the same thing!! You were only asking her to take them off and I don't think it was an unreasonable request at all. It's not as though you were asking her to put them in timeout or anything.
Mama to DS1 (5 years), DS2 (3 years) and...
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Andie View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Andie Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 May 2008 at 2:23pm

Whoa back up the truck!  That seems a really small issue to be turned into a 'making the child be the parent' debate! (in fact I don't know that it even should be an issue to start with).  Older siblings do do extra little jobs around the house, that's just the way it is.  Mums can't be everywhere at once - sure if we really want we can keep our child in our sight and take care of every little issue that pops up if we have the one... but more than one and that's just not possible, is it. 

Andie
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Bombshell Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 May 2008 at 3:58pm
DEb Im not going to argue with you - we all know what happens with those threads...

Emma asked for opinions....she got them....whether you or anyone or emma agrees she asked!

As for yelling...Sorry i dont do THAT to yell...it is to pinpoint wordings....guess each has different views of things on the net.....I wasnt yellin...
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Paws Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 May 2008 at 5:34pm
Originally posted by arohanui arohanui wrote:

I don't think it's too harsh - considering she knew it was wrong and came and told you about it, and chose not to follow your directions. Sure it probably would have been best if you did it yourself, but heck at 30 weeks pregnant and busy in the kitchen I would have done the same thing!! You were only asking her to take them off and I don't think it was an unreasonable request at all. It's not as though you were asking her to put them in timeout or anything.


To be honest I agree with this...surely if she is old enough to come to you knowing it is wrong, surely she is old enough to follow an instruction to at least try to take them off the gremlins. I guess I see it as no different to other times we would ask our kids to do something and tell them off if they ignore us.


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