Am i being unfair

You need to do what you feel comfortable with.  I can understand your reluctance to "suck it up and be happy for them" and I don't think you should fake feelings but it doesn't mean you need to publicise or project negativety and it definitely doesn't mean you don't need to meet the baby.

 

Lot's of people aren't really familiar with their cousins kids so don't feel bad if you decide you don't want to get to know him but if you do then go ahead and remember it's for the baby not the cousin and his GF.  This baby needs positive, friendly loving role models around, if you want to be one of them then go for it.

alexbabe wrote: thing is i feel sorry for the child

which child do you feel sorry for - the one that was just born or the one that just gave birth!

as far as i know it is illegal to have sex with a 15yr old... dont pretend to be happy about it if you arent.

yea its pretty full on, i know you dont support the situation and it depends how close your family is, if your not a close family then all good., if you are though you could end up being her lifeline with all your experience and stuff. you never know, you may end up being the one to help her out of an unhealthy situation and she mite grow up a great lady and really good mum

yeah i know-me and dh were like you could get charged-but guess what cyfs said-because she is in a relationship with him its not illegal-i mean come on really now.

o well

stat rape doesnt exist in NZ, i had a foster daughter who tried to press charges and they told her she had been watching too many movies. it was a guy she had broken up with which is why she weanted to press charges (just after some payback) and she was told since they weer in a relationship too bad. and she was 13!!!

Cindy, I'd say focus on the baby, it's going to need love and support and guidance from responsible people. Do you like the 15 year old? Because she could probably do with attention and guidance too. My cousin and his girlfriend had a little girl some years back, Katie was young (older then your cousin's gf though). My aunts hated her, but the fact was that she had no real support or guidance from her parents, she was really a lost lonely girl craving guidance, support and love. My mum stepped in and became the support that my aunt should have been and it made a HUGE difference in their lives. We are a pretty tight family so Katie really needed a champion in her corner. Someone who was willing to tell her she was being a silly girl and also their to give her advice and help her when she needed it, or just be their to listen.

You could make a huge difference in both the lives of those children, if you feel up to it.

Also remember that this isn't your responsibility, you can be pissed about it, and morally superior, and just stay out and let them deal with it, you have to think about how that will effect your life and decide what action is best for you and yours.

One thing I also tried to do with Katie was to tell my aunts to pull their heads in and stop bagging the girl, what's done is done and to my aunt I had to keep reminding her that she has this amazing new granddaughter so things can't be too bad. The damage is done, now everyone needs to make the best of it.

Yip, Stat rape does exist. I work as a health teacher in secondary schools and we have a police officier that comes with us to talk thru the law and sex. Its a hard one to prove and it is usually a complaint from the parents that are listened to not the actual young person in the relationship.

It used to be called carnal knowledge, not stat rape, and is now called something like 'sex with a minor' (if she's willing, not too far off the legal age and there's clearly an equal relationship- otherwise it's just rape). Charges are hardly ever pressed in these situations unless there's clearly been exploitation/coercion such as a big age difference or one person being in authority over the other e.g. teacher. It's not up to the parents to press charges (although their wishes may be considered) - ultimately the police decide if it's worth trying to prosecute - if it's likely they'll win the case. Law lesson for the day

I think you should do what you feel is appropriate. Lots of 15 year olds get pregnant these days, and many do make good mothers and try their best for their babies - and sometimes it's the making of them - the incentive they need to get their lives on track. It sounds like this girl really needs some support; if you feel like giving it, then great, but it's not your obligation.
I agree with TraceyA - what's done is done, now there's the wellbeing of a baby that should be uppermost in everyone's minds (and prosecuting the father isn't going to help anyone).

I'd try not to worry too much, I'm sure that CYFS will be monitoring the situation closely and that will probably make the parents of the parents be more willing to assist. Yes, it's not an ideal situation for a baby to be born into but let's face it, tonnes of babies are born into similar situation all the time: either with super-young parents or with parents who are going to split up and fight over care before too long. With support, the parents will likely grow into more responsible beings with a baby to look after as well.