Questions for Dorothy Waide

Missed out on the OHbaby! Coffee Catchup? You still have the chance to ask OHbaby! Expert Dorothy Waide any questions you may have.

Hi Dorothy, im really struggling to get my 4 month baby to sleep. She sleeps amazing during the night - 7pm to 6am, then again till 8am. But during the day its very difficult to get her to nap. I was leaving her awake for 2 hours and have just shortened it to 1 1/2 hours, but she still wont sleep for long - maybe 30 mins. This is making it very hard to develop a routine for her.
The other major problem is she will only fall asleep while im breastfeeding her - she has always fallen asleep while i feed her but now its lead to this. I really want to teach her to self sooth but dont know how!
Thanks very much

Hi snpone
Hi thank you for your question. She is doing amazing well at night, however I would be concerned that as she isn't sleeping during the day that she may just be crashing for the night due to lack of sleep during the day.

I would work on the theory that most 4 month of babies will be up for 1 1/2 hours slowing stretching to 2 hours or 2 hours plus by the time they are six months old. My question here would be, is she happy to be up for the 2 hours or is she tired and grizzling and ready for bed before this.

As she is breastfed I would suggest doing a full feed when she wakes, allowing her to have her playtime and then re offering the breast before going back to bed.   This is not so she can fall asleep at the breast but to ensure that her tummy is fill before going to bed. Try taking her off the breast before she falls asleep, however if you miss it then when you take her off the breast by the time you go to her room and pop her into a sleeping bag then she will probably stir and go into her cot wide awake.

The next step is you have options and it depends on how you want to do it and how slow you want to go. I always believe in taking small stepping stones so looking at your question this is what I would suggest. It will be quite difficult to go from feeding to sleep to putting her in her cot wide awake and letting her find her sleep so here are some suggestions.

Into the cot - dump and run (with nurturing)

Allow her to have some wind down time - imagine she is reading a book, watching tv, talking to her toys or mediating - babies can do none of these, however they need to wind down/de stress before finding their sleep - This could be anywhere from 0 to 5 minutes but at her age I would suggest leaving her for 5 minutes if you can.

Comfort - now here are the options
1. Pick up and engulf and stay still - your body becomes her bed - so no patting or sshing at this stage and just allow her to continue winding down in your arms. When you think she is nearly ready to fall asleep or you think it is going nowhere then intervene with patting and sshing and do this until she goes to sleep. Now you will need to work with her so the patting can be varied - I tend to do a patting/shutting movement and then change to patting and then very small patting as they go to sleep.   For a few days (up to 10) I would perhaps hold her while sleeping so that when she stirs from her light to heavy sleep you can pat and ssh her through it. After she has been in arms or asleep for approx 1 1/4 hours then transfer back to the cot and leave the room. When she wakes go back in tell her how proud you are open up her room and then chat to her while she lies in her cot and then pick her up.

2. Another way to comfort is to just pat and ssh - you won't necessary stop the crying but you are reassuring her that you are there. Then leave the room and leave her for another five minutes. Then go in and pat and ssh her off to sleep.

OVer time you will leave her longer to sort herself out and you will do the resettling also in her cot, but you need to work within her boundaries and your boundaries.

When working with parents and babies i encourage mothers to work on the 4th trimester, attachment parenting for the first 12 weeks and after the first 12 weeks then i work on a principle of nurturing within boundaries.     

It is difficult to give you all the answers on how to do it as I would need to chat with you and work out what your parenting beliefs are and what you are trying to accomplish, but I do hope these few comments will start you off in the right direction.
Dorothy

Hi Guest 76140
Its not that I advise against swaddling as every baby is an individual, however the reasons why I teach parents to swaddle in the beginning is to represent the womb and also to control the startled reflex which tends to wake young babies up.

I would tend to think that your night waking is due to the fact that she has not learnt to self settle or resettle.   

If you would like any further assistance I do offer advice by email or in-home consultations. YOu can pop over to my website wwww.babyhelp.co.nz and check out my rates.   

I also should add that during her day nap, I've been napping with her in my bed. maybe thats why she wont sleep properly in her cot at night???