It's finally hit!

Sorry in advance for this major vent.... just thought I'd pre-warn you as I don't want to depress anyone on here....

Up until yesterday I felt I was coping really well with our 3 losses but things have changed for the worse. I have a brother who is moving home from overseas with his wife and 2 1/2 year old and 8 mth old sons in December. They moved away about 10 years ago to do their big OE and ended up finding fantastic jobs so decided to stay. I have missed them immensely and have been dying for the day they decided to move back to NZ.
They let us know they were coming home about 6 weeks ago and I couldn't have been happier - it was so exciting to think of having them all here and getting to know my (only) 2 nephews.
Since then the only talk when at my parents place has been about them - especially the kids. It hadn't really effected me until I phoned my mum yesterday. She said that her and dad were going to go look at a house my brother had seen for sale on the net - apparently it was important for them to look in this particular area as it has very prestigious boys and girls schools in zone. Stupid me - I asked why it would be important what girls schools were in the area and my mother said that when they are settled in they are going to start TTC as they would like a little girl.... I felt this sudden rush of hurt, pain and anxiety come over me, it was hard to carry on the conversation normally. I'm just feeling so, so sorry for myself right now! I'm totally freaking out about how I'm going to cope with the situation - and they aren't even home yet, or UTD.... what am I going to be like if/when it actually happens?! I really need to try and sort myself out before they get here as I'm feeling huge waves of very negative emotion. I'm also feeling like a really shi**y person for being this way as I love them very dearly and I should want every happiness for them      

Hi there,
I am so sorry things have been hard for you. I can't imagine the pain of losing three babies.

I do however know the feelings that happen when people close to you are celebrating the very thing that you are grieving. I took myself off Facebook because I was sick of all the pregnancy announcements from my friends!

I have been reading a couple of books on miscarriage and grief and what you are feeling is perfectly normal. Things will feel better with time but your situation does really suck and it is okay for you to feel sad, bitter, jealous, resentful etc. I am happy for my friends but I also feel all these other feelings too.

Don't be afraid of talking to someone too if you need to (a counselor I mean). It will really help you to cope with everything as it comes up.

I am thinking of you and have been wondering how you're getting on. Keep sharing how you are feeling and just remember you're not alone. xx

Hi Red Tulip,
I am so sorry for your losses, there are no words - just cyber hugs :)

Having only one miscarriage and 3 children now, I can only offer my experience of having someone close to me in a similar position as you. On a day she had bad ttc news we were completely unaware of we announced our pregnancy. She was happy for us but not thrilled and we didn't understand. We didn't know she was TTC and had been for a very long time. We felt So terrible after we finally heard how painful that news was and what had been going on for her. If we had known we would have been super sensitive to her needs and the pain she was going through. We really felt terrible.

I can only recommend that you do tell your family, so they understand your pain and grief and what you are going through to be sensitive. It's not that you want to take anything away from them I'm sure and they will understand :)

Big hugs!
Hope this helps :)
X

Anytime :)
X

I remember when my good friend announced her pregnancy to me, we'd had 2 miscarriages at that point when she told me her DH had 'slipped one past the goalie' .....I wanted to vomit. It was truly the hardest news I ever had to stomach and I did not handle it well. At all. I struggled through her pregnancy and was completely un-supportive and negative - I didn't show her much excitment. We had one more miscarriage and then fell pregnant with our daughter who is now 8 months - our babies are 9 months apart. My friend was amazing to me during my pregnancy and after I had her, I don't know what I would've done without her. Now I wished I could've done the same for her :-(
What your feeling is so normal, its so hard watching everyone else get on with their lives and popping babies out left, right and center - the thought of not having your own baby is horrifying and hard to get your head around. But it will happen for you one day, some of us just have harder journeys than others. And I'm sure your brother and SIL will understand if you let them know whats going on with you.
Look after yourself and keep on keeping on (as my Mum would tell me!) - you will get there xx