RE:LURKERS

well Ive been wondering how to say all this.Im just going to let it all out.I made a really bad mistake telling aimee about my sis reading the posts of oh baby.I could have hadled the situation so much differently without anyone getting hurt.because of what I did heaps of people are angry and hurt.And Im real sad and deserve that.I have hurt and embarasd my sister when it was the last thing she needed.Now I have absolutely ruined our relationship and there is no way to ever make her understand how very sorry I am.She just doesnt want to no anyway cause I have actually never realy been a great sis to her in the past.It sux too because I have now made it impossibe for my kids to have a relationship with her too.Guilt is the worst feeling ever and I have spent the last few days and nights crying and torturing myself about how I let her down.Its not going to make her forgive me but Im finally going to stand up

Aww Roxy it sounds like a horrible vicous little circle that has happened but try not to beat yourself up about it, i know its easier said than done but as you have said your sister isnt in the best way at the moment so maybe when things have calmed down you can repair your relationship with her. Also and I dont really know the full story so could be wrong but didnt your sister print some stuff off? Even if she was really down she didnt help the situation and possible could have just gone to you or Aimee without the threat of interferrig in Aimees marriage/relationship, there really isnt an excuse for that. I may have that all wrong but I certainly dont think you have done anything wrong, maybe not handled it the way you wish you had but thats hindsight for you. Big hugs to you!

Its hard because we only hear part of the story etc but from what I can see you are taking a lot of responsiblilty for the whole situation when there were at least 3 people involved. Im sure you feel terrible and maybe you have been a horrible sister but dont make yourself sick about it try and figure a way to fix it even if it takes time and dont let it effect Caleb, thats not fair on him.

mayby try to make youself a wee goal that you want cry about it in front of your children for a start but will do something positive with them and that might help during the days.

Oh Roxy! We asll still love ya!
Now, as an only child (with two step-sisters!), I have never been in this situtation, but what about counselling? would some sort of formal mediation help? or even a good neutral friend who can go between you.
Another thing I used to do, was write a lot of letters. Even if you don't post them, they help you sort out your feelings. You could write your sister a letter, letting her know your feelings and your hope that you can be friends again, etc. maybe that would help.

as for not being an expert so not giving advice - hey I give advice all the time and I know pratcially NOTHING! Look at me giving sisterly advice when I don';t have sisters. a lot of the time, when I ask for advice I just want differnet people's opinion on what they would do, or have done. And i'll take whatever I want from that.

Ok Roxy....I dont really know about your relationship with your sister but think for a min....she is a grown up and so are you. She did what she thought was right (even if it wasnt...) at the time and you did the same. Your sister should have never ever talk to Aimee in that manner....to say "oh I am going to tell your hubby about blah blah"...is just pure nasty!!    

We post here every day and there are many posts on here, for her to have found those post would have been a long process, that means she knew what she was looking for and only had nasty intentions. As a person you knew that she did this and you did the right thing and told Aimee....I would do the same. And you might not see it this was now, but you did a favour for your sister, she might have learned from all this that playing tricks like this is will only bring grief in ones life. She was wrong and you are feeling guilty? why?

You will continue being her sister and nothing will ever change that, when she is over from what ever she is going thru, she will come back to you.

My only brother and I had a big disagreement and I firmly believed that he was wrong. He did not see it that way, we did not speak for over 6 months and then one day we just started talking and he was there as soon as my baby was born...it might take time but you will have a relationship with her. Now if she is really pigheaded as you have mentioned then it will be her loss if she does not have a relationship with you and your son.....you have so much to offer.

I dont wanna sound horrible but I honestly dont see why you are feeling so guilty. We all think you were right and we love you for it. But I guess we dont matter.....

Yes you all do matter.I came here when Brooke was born and I was soooo close to PND.Everyone was so lovely and supportive and gave me great advice....my sis never actually went to aimee and said Im going to show Daniel this stuff.she mentioned doing it to me when she was realy down and angry and I should have realized she would never really do it.but I crapped myself thinking it would all backfire on me if she did and decided to do a tell all to Aimee.I could have simply had a real heart to heart with my lil sis and made her promise to let it all go.I have just about begged forgiveness from her and as far as I can see have done everything I can to try and make it right.she knows I love her and that Im sorry for letting her down but I still have not heard a word from her.(have just been textn and have talked to her mum and husband.)so I guess the ball is in her court now eh.I have felt like everything was my fault but the aimee thing was just the brick that broke the wall.I cant carry guilt for all the problems she been having(altough now Im aware just how bad they were I would like to help with it all.)Just a waiting game I guess and If I do get another chance from her then its going to be a long road getting her trust again and proving that I can be a true loving and supportive sister.(something I realize I have never been).And yes maybe some counselling would be good for us.but think maybe me and her need to learn to communicate better and pour pour our hearts to each other.hope I get the chance.

P.S. No one here thinks you were acting to just save yourself... it was saving Aimee from having to deal with a really hurtful situation within her own family because of threats made by someone who owed her money.
Again Roxy, not something you should feel bad about!!!

I think everyone here can attest to food making them feel better... especially chocolate!

Well, here's hoping your sis comes around soon. I'd hate for you to end up eating yourself into a blimp-like shape.

Roxy, I also dont think any one is bad really...but as a grown up you need to make wiser decisions.

Why was your sister hurt by Aimee? Aimee never mentioned who she was, she never mentioned that she was your sister and we had no idea...if she walked right pass me I would have not known who she is right? And Aimee was not wrong, she does owe her money and Aimee has every right to ask for it and also has a right to get pissed off if she does not get it back....

Now imagine if she really did go thru with it then how it would have hurt Aimee......

I only hope that she does get over what ever it is that she is going thru and starts being the lovely person that she is....
I also hope that she understands why you did this and patches things up with you.

I also hope that I did not upset you with my comments, but again I dont feel that you should feel guilty regarding this situation.

Take care