Comparing kids

Is it possible to parent without comparisions?

This has got me pondering.. our entire culture is based around competition & comparision from the education system, percentile charts, parenting books, milestones, "typical behaviours" and when our kids fall outside of these, we are quick to notice and to judge. We want our kids to lead healthy sucessful lives. We want assurance beacuse parenting is highrisk & outcomes are never guaranteed.
Our comparisions are always restrictive & limiting. Because we are always looking for the norm, any difference becomes the frightening unknown. WE are so in the information era that anything without a label or diagnosis is causes anxiety. Competition & comparision can be healthy - if you view the child from a holistic viewpoint (as a developing individual) But all to often while we are comparing the whole gets broken down & tiny fragments break away, each fragment baring a lable. And lables by there nature are exclusive & limiting

I spend lots of time trying to point out how each of my kids are succeding as an individual & try to stay away from language that generalizes or excludes. Yet Im as quick as the next mum to notice when my boys are falling behind their peers/eachother with percentile charts etc, and I immediately start to worry. Or I celebrate when my sons' master something- like toilet trainning- ahead of the curve

So I am wondering do you compare your kids with their peers or siblings? And what do you think the pros & cons are of our cultures need to compete & compare?

I was constantly compared to my twin sister when I grew up. Mainly by my mother but also by other people. We were also 'labeled' and not expected to excel or be good at what the other was apparently better at.

So, I am trying my best not to compare my 2 in the same way and it's hard!
Already I've noticed they have different learning styles and different ways of dealing with things.

I compare Daniel to the other june bubbas all the time even though I don't want to, it just happens in my little head.

He crawled slower than other bubbas his age, he walked slower, his language is developing slower and it's hard not to compare and wonder why that is. It really sucks at times

I try so hard not to compare H & E to other kids their age but it's so hard. I keep getting emails from people who were in my antenatal class. All these kids that are a month or so younger than H & E are walking and my 2 aren't even close.
The hardest part is trying not to compare them to each other. Hazel is now a kg heavier than Esme and I can't help but worry that Esme doesn't eat as much. It sounds crazy when I say it out loud but it's sometimes hard to remember that just because they are identical twins doesn't mean they're the same person. I have to give myself a reality check sometimes lol.

I'm lucky that I have a boy & a girl. I am comparing their weights & heights because they are almost spitting images of each other right down to a birth mark next to their belly buttons.

Other than that I don't compare them because of the different sex, actually I have noticed that Cooper is slower at doing things than his sister but that could be to do with being a 2nd child as well.

I don't usually compare Alia to her friends as she's just so much taller & different as a child than them.

The only way we compare differences in our children to each other but not in the form of competition but more in the nature of exploring their differences and similarities. We love the individualality and celebrate it.
My friend and I often talk about the differences in our boys (who were born 6wks a part) but again there is no spirit of competition but more in fastination of their differences.
Intelligence is individual and there are many different types of intelligence. Some of us will excell in language, music, maths etc while others will have more physical intelligence and excell at sports. We see it all the time in the differences between our children and their friends but there is no judgement, not at this age anyway. It is important to remember that school, society and their peers will do enough of that for them, parents are for unconditional love and acceptance.

Well said! I would also add that as we can all admit that we do compare our kids, we are probably much more able to "control" those urges and do the best for our child

I think it is fascinating how different they are and how it means nothing in the long run. In my coffee group we have one little girl who wasnt even rolling by the time others were walking. Now at 2.5 she is by far the most advanced speech wise and thinking wise and as for physical ability...just the same as the others.