Dealing with a BFN

*hugs to you*

I dont know how long yo uhave been trying but from your post it sounds like it could be a while?

are your cycles regular ie pretty much 28 days for eg also what is your weight like? I have heard if you are overweight or underweight it can affect feritlity.

do you know (approx) when you ovulate I know when we were trying for this baby it wasnt until I noted when i was ovulating that I got pregnant.

if you are over 35 if you have been trying for 6 months I think yon talk to your dr about fertility getting tests done etc or if under 35 it is about a year.

not much more I can add but hope you get your BFP soon :)

Hi Beth BFN suck big time. There are a lot of us here who get them month after month & look forward to the next month where there maybe a BFP lurking.

I would suggest if you don't already, to chart, take your temp try OPK's as these may help pinpoint the days you need to BD to have a better chance of nailing that BFP.

Come join us in the waiting, it is good form of support & there are a lot there who know heaps

I so know how you feel!

When we were TTC (which we are again now after taking a break for a while)

The day I got AF I made a promise to myself that IF she came the next month I would buy something I REALLY wanted. So the day it came I would think for a couple of days about something that I really wanted ie a massage and facial, and then the next month when it came there wasnt the HUGE dissapointment that there had been because I booked in the massage and facial and was looking forward to that.

So think of something that you REALLY want and use that as your focus IF AF comes next month - which hopefully it wont!

So far my BFNs have been expected, and AF has eventually turned up.
Its very easy to confuse PMS symptoms with early preggy ones.
I know it can take time to conceive and I am carrying a bit of extra weight which I could do with losing.
Its not until I started talking about TTC with my friends that I got stories of it taking 9 months for one and 11 months for another to conceive which puts things into perspective.
I'm 36 so for me the end of the year is the deadline for BFP if not I'll have to go see my GP who will probably recommend I lose some weight to start with and get fit.

I try not to get dissappointed and think there is always next month.

I was just about to post a message asking this very same question so I'm glad you did.

I am exactly the same, this month was the first month we had been trying properly, officially we have been for 2 months but this was the first month where I actually timed it right when I thought ovulation should be, and it was actually pretty stressful because I made sure we did the BD every day for about 8 days- rather unromantic.

I had all these symptoms- tired, sore boobs for 2 weeks (I never get that), and just had a feeling I was pregnant.

So I tested on the day that I thought my cycle should be due, but it was negative. Was so gutted I went out and bought a discovery test same day, negative too.

But I still held on to hope because I had the symptoms still and AF hadn't arrived. I held on to that hope all this week until AF came in the middle of the night, a very rude awakening.

When I got that negative I curled up on the couch and cried because I was soooo sure that I was pregnant, I thought by doing the test I was just confirming it, which seems so silly now. I had everything planned out and was writing down names even.

Was so gutted because it was really quite stressful making sure everything was timed right and the idea of doing it all over again and going through the heartbreak if it doesn't happen seems positively overwhelming.

I guess we just have to find a way to keep hoping and praying that it will happen, because we want it so much. It's sooo hard. I had myself convinced I was pregnant the first time we ever did the BD unprotected, and that was just one time in the whole month, seems so silly now.

Hugs to you, it's really awful I know. I have this silly idea that because I can't physically imgaine myself being pregnant, and that getting that positive seems too good to be true, I have myself convinced it's not possible. I haven't got a good reason at all but for some reason I can't stop thinking that.

Who knew it would be so hard!

I know it's probably not what you want to hear, but it does help me - I try to stop and think objectively, and realise that BFNs are something that comes with TTC. Let's face it, the odds are stacked against getting a BFP the first time round - so most of us are going to get a negative test or two (or three or five, I know ). It sucks, you cry a bit, you feel miserable for a few days, then you move on to the next month. The ladies here are brilliant at letting you vent your dissapointment and frustration (I don't know how I'd cope without you guys).

From what I remember, you've been trying a while, and I know that makes it harder. BFNs in the first four or five months are really dissapointing (and I think can sometimes feel more gutting, because you've got your hopes up and you're still kind of new to the TTC game). But when you've been trying a bit longer, you've got the added worry of 'will I ever have a baby?'. I've got PCOS, and I know lots of ladies with PCOS concieve. But I know that some have an awful amount of trouble, too, and there's always that fear that it's going to be really, really hard for you.

Hugs - hang in there - it will feel better soon. These dreadful down patches are normal and expected, but they won't last forever, us ladies are stronger than we think, and can cope with a lot more than I ever thought possible (even if it doeesn't feel like you're coping from time to time!)

Edited by Hopes

Hi all

Apologies for being away from posting for so long. After my original post I tucked all emotions away and just got on with it.

My rational head tells me to suck it up and get on the treadmill and move away from the chocolate as this will help to increase my chances of a BFP!

I am 32 years old and my partner and I have been TTC for 10 years now. I have PCOS and use to carry way to much weight which I have managed to get down to 80kg. As with PCOS periods are very irregular and in my case I only had 3 in one year so this makes charting and predicting ovulation very difficult.

We have tried Metformin trials, clomiphine and the latest round has been IVF (which was the reason for my post). I am back on the wagon this month and waiting for ovulation so we can have another go at implantation so fingers crossed.

I have found reading everyone's posts to be extremely helpful and although I get teary eyed when reading them it really does lift my spirits knowing that I am not alone. In these forums we can really express how we are feeling and what we are thinking as we know that what we say will be understood by all who read it.

Not so true in real life when I can't talk to my friends as they just do not get it.

So thanks to everyone and I will keep smiling.......... for now

Hiya - just thought i'd add my *hugs* to everyone elses! We've only been trying 3 months so I can't even begin to imagine how hard it must be for those of you adding up the years... my heart goes out to you that's for sure. Every month so far I've managed to convince myself I'm pregnant - damn the symptons being so similar to ov! - and even though I try and prepare myself for a BFN it's always crushing when that lovely line doesn't appear.

It sounds like you're doing everything you should be so just hang in there and try to stay positive

BFN's are hard :( I wish none of them had to experience them!

BFN suck, there is no other way of putting it, & no one really understands how you feel except you.

When was in my continual time of disappointment I was lucky to have a group of 5 friends that I chatted to daily on email. They all knew all the details. So I could be very open with them. Then at the end I was really getting over the TWW & wanted to talk to people in the same stage as me & I found OhBaby, ironically I got pregnant then.

One thing I swear helped was going to a naturopath. So maybe an option as well?