Feeling down?

I can't quite figure out what is wrong with me. I went to bed last night feeling lousy and I thought it was about time I did something about it. I'm a little bit reluctant to see a doctor because last time I did that it affected my life insurance and health insurance. I want to avoid them if I can!

The thing is, I don't know WHAT it is. I wake up in the morning and its NOT black, and I do want to go out with friends and participate in the usual things I do.. so it can't be depression, right? I do cry a lot though..

I am very stressed out, DH can't understand why and told me I need to tell him exactly what it is that I am so stressed out about so he can help me. I can't even tell him specifically what it is! I find my patience for the kids is pretty much 0, and I always feel sorry for myself during the day when the kids play up, and DH comes home and it gets even worse, especially if he comes home then goes to the Gym..

We need to find a new place to live, which is also annoying me, as well as the real estate agent/landlord in our house almost every day doing "something". Every place we look at is at least $30 more expensive per week, and we've just had our child disability allowance cancelled ($42 a week!) because apparently WINZ have knuckled down and unless you are being hospitalised constantly for asthma you can't get it anymore. So I guess I'm freaking out about how we are going to survive!

'Then there's the business thing, which appears to be not going anywhere, and I think perhaps Im not the right type of person to be running it because I am incredibly sensitive.. I get really shaky before opening my business emails, because I'm afraid its someone complaining The worst thing is im not bringing in much money (in fact I have two bookings for march!) so that is making me feel even worse. I think I might have to consider a part time job because if we go another week without money we will be screwed!
I have been trying incredibly hard to get it going, and I spend so much time on the computer doing things to promote it.

Another thing that bothers me is that I have been going to the Gym to make time for myself, and I've had nothing but negative comments over the last month so that is making me feel down too. I know as long as I feel good, then thats the main thing, but its just getting to the point where I am incredibly sensitive and perhaps I just dont have the confidence in myself to shake it off and get on with it.

I also had a friend call me the other night to ask how J was and I spent about half an hour talking her ear off without even giving her a chance to talk about herself.. I hung up the phone and then called her back to apologise.. but I wonder if that might be a sign that I'm going a bit batty!! or perhaps with DH being at work and me not getting out much that I miss having someone to talk to?

So whats wrong with me? Is it anxiety or am I just a wee bit stressed?

I am sorry to hear that you are feeling down. Like lilfatty I am not a doctor but you do seem to be feeling some of the same things I was when I discovered I had PND. You may or may not have it, I am not sure but the Mothers Matter website is great and there is a questionnaire on there you can look at which will give you an idea if you do have PND. It also has lots of other info about anxiety as well.
It may just be that you have alot going on and it is getting on top of you. Whatever it is I hope you find a solution

When I had PND I always wanted to go out and do stuff and in the weekends when I was with DH I was pretty much fine. Not saying you do have it just saying don't think you don't just because of that.

Sounds like you're majorly stressed regardless.

I'm not sure what to suggest other than seeing a medical professional but I do understand why you don't want to do that.

Oh and I totally hear you on the rents

Oh, and thank you ladies

I don't know if your depressed I'm not a Doctor, so can't say.

It does seem you have a lot going on in your life though, and sound stressed.

Unfortunately you can't take a holiday from your life, as nice as that would be.

I agree with Lilfatty that you are a great photographer and it takes a while for this type of business to get off the ground, have you joined the local business network - ours offered free training on things like how to attract customers, marketing etc - really helpful and great learning.

Sounds to me like you are being very hard on yourself, your doing a great job with you business and raising your kids, give yourself a pat on the back for all the things you have achieved.

I'm sure once you've got your accommodation sorted you'll feel more settled, have you thought about getting a part-time job in a Photo lab or similar to earn a few extra $$'s if you need it and help you develop your photography.

Thought you might like some of these.

It really sucks to hear you're going through this. You are such a sweet person, and it's awful to think you're not feeling so great emotionally :(

I know nothing about depression or anything, but you certainly sound like you're lacking in self confidence. You are a fantastic photographer, and anyone who has seen your work knows this. You are also a total stunner, so I'm not even sure how you could get negative comments at the gym?!?!

Personally I don't reckon it's an entirely terrible idea to have a part time job. Not only will it ease the pressure financially, but it will give you some time away from the home (kids), and interaction with others. Plus, there is no reason why you can't continue your business as well because it's obviously something you enjoy and are great at.

It's not easy running any kind of online business when you have little or no advertising budget, I go through the same thing with Kidsgear, but I love doing it which is what keeps me going. Just keep plugging away, and believe in yourself.

Oh you ladies are lovely

I might just try the fishoil, sounds great!

I think I really am just stuck in a rut. I felt a bit better once I vented and wrote everything down that was bothering me.

It doesn't work out financially viable for me to work part-time, but it might be one of those things I just need to do for myself, eh?

I don't get comments "at" the gym, its just a lot of people who think I need to be told I am skinny. Things like "Oh, how long do you spend at the gym? All day?!" or "Oh, are you eating tea?" A friend was over the other day and she told me that another person had seen me recently and thought that I looked skinny and had no ass, then laughed. And of course I started to think down about it all and that perhaps I actually look awful now since no-one has anything nice to say (apart from you lovely ladies, thank you :) ) I did see someone about my weight and she said she thought I was a healthy size, BMI is still within range etc..

When I was fat I never had anyone tell me I was fat, lol.

caliandjack wrote: Those people are only jealous, your gorgeous and anyone who says otherwise is sour-grapes. People are so used to seeing fatties, when they see someone of healthy weight the simply seem thin.

Haha, that is totally true!

Massive hugs - I could have written this post about 10 days ago - except the details about kids/business.

I felt EXACTLY the same, teary all the time, tired, stress, anxious and just useless at the same tie.

Its a truly horrid feeling.

I did go to the Dr as i realised last saturday when I got up was having breakfast with Ds and DH that there was really no reason to have tears streaming down my face.

Dr said that being a mum, trying to work or in your case running a business is hard hard work and I needed to be less hard on myself, we talked through many things, and I had the option of anti depressants, but she did suggest to me to excersize pretty much every day for 2/3 weeks, to try and boost the happy hormones to see if I felt like I could manage my way through it.

Long story short, its not all gone away but I am feeling brighter, if you are already doing that then I do think its worth a visit, if nothing else talking to someone impartial can help, sometimes things are all just a bit too much.

My Dr had a great analogy when you have a lot going on its like walking outside your house in the dark, it only takes a tiny thing and you jump out your skin where as in the daylight you would cope just fine - this made a lot of sense to me.

talking/ranting/venting does help as does some time to yourself if you can get it.

Oh and as for random people making comments - grrrrrrrrrrrr why do people do it.

Anyway hope you feel better soon!!