This Is The End For Me

Hi Girls, well after another disappointing and 'upset episode' from me, I've decided to stop charting etc.
Last night was the final straw because DH was not in the mood and is bascially saying that it's not right to make a baby when you are doing it when you don't feel like it. I told him then that we could be waiting a VERY LONG time ttc if we do it only when he feels like it. I'm sick of the tears and the disappointment of building up to O and then for us not to be doing it, I would have thought that if you were commited to ttc you'd be pulling out all stops but he just can't get his head around the 'having to perform' bit. I am so over it!!!!
Well atleast I have enough cycles under my belt to know when I ovulate anyway .
Needless to say I am all those emotions,angry upset etc, he just does not get it!!!! I mean DH's all spit the dummy sometimes but like I say when you are committed to something, like the gym, we don't always feel like going on days we are tired, but we go because we know the results we will get at the end - What's the difference???? It will be interesting (who am I kidding on the interesting) to see what happens over the next month, basically I have to let go of wanting to have a baby, I just don't see how it will happen if we wait for the odd day he feels like it.
Anyway, I'll be lurking on here to see you all get your BFP's. Good luck everybody. Apologies for the long rant and rave, and I don't expect I'm the first woman to feel like this.

Oh asics I'm sooo sorry to read that! TTC is such a stressful time and puts so much pressure on the relationship doesn't it... It is good you have been doing it long enough to know your cycles now... and remember it only really takes one time if the timing is right so I reckon you'll be back here before ya know if UTD... like bunny said once the pressure is off it often happens...

asics, I think there are a few of us in this boat. My DH told me last night that he is used to getting it when he wants therefore when it is demanded around O he feel a need to preform & starts to stress. I told him last night that if I am not pg this cycle then I am giving up, that includes charting, OB & timing.
I told him what is involved every cycle, not his couple of days input, but how you wait for AF to leave then you spend money on OPK, you temp, chart & obsessive with it so timing it spot on, then you wait & see, then deal with the disappointment month after month, don't think he understood before, not sure if he does now.

I did not know half the stuff I do till I joined this site, I never really obsessed over it before but still has disappointment but not to the stage I have now, so I guess I may not be far behind you, I think the BFP will come when not trying, they usually do.

I know you will get your BFP.

Thanks you guys, yep I wonder if not stressing will help. It's so funny because as woman we do lots of things that we necessarily don't want to do all the time, cooking, cleaning, tidying up after everybody all the time. I told him last night that I just feel unappreciated and unimportant in his life, then he takes it as 'he doesn't do anything right' and thinks I am going to leave.
Don't get me wrong, he is very loving, he has a good heart and I still believe that he is my soulmate and best friend but this ttc thing has driven a big wedge in between us now so for the sake of the relationship I'm having to back off. I've been through the 'telling him what's involved' but he just thinks it's putting me under pressure as well as him. I can't pretend I'm all happy about it and everything is back to normal, but he says that I punish him when we don't do it because I withdraw into myself, so what am I meant to do, fake it and push my feelings down - I've done that before and it's not healthy.
Anyway I'm sure it will all have a happy ending some day. He He He off to get my eyebrows done shortly, I wish it was a facial and massage LOL!!!!

Ooohh thanks Oxy, yeah I think not telling him when I'm O'ng will help. I soooooooo hope you get your BFP soon, you've been trying for a lot longer than I have, especially I know having an m/c makes it all that much harder.

Asics, hun, can totally understand. Oxy's advice is right on the money though. Now that you know your cycles, I'm sure it'll all work out.

Morning Asics,   I am soooooooooo angry at your dh   

I really believe that if they want something they will pull out all stops to try and get it.  So maybe there is more to it than just a performance thing,  he might not have his head around having another child yet?  maybe you should have a good talk (later on) and get to the heart of the matter.

I am genuinely sorry if you get upset or angry with me for saying that but I feel for you and that is the impression I get from the situation. 

Did anyone see the ads for the programme coming up on Sunday about "The Sex Diaries: Why Women Go Off Sex and Other Bedroom Battles, by sex researcher Bettina Arndt"? http://tvnz.co.nz/sunday-news/coming-up-sunday-just-do-2710314

Hmph. The chance would be a fine thing!

Sorry to hear your DH and you are struggling with this. I can imagine this is so disappointing for you, hope things work out soon and you are back on that horse.

Thanks you guys, you are so wonderful, and shezhoping no your post didn't make me angry at all. DH say's if it's meant to be it's meant to be, and everything happens for a reason. So I am really going to have to believe that and try to let go of the whole thing IYKWIM. He say's that over the past few months I've been so stressed out and disappointed it's really affected the way I am around him. Even I can't handle the tears etc. So yep I'm going to let it go and hopefully it will all happen.
Thanks for all your support and posts.