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cmaine 
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Joined: 18 August 2007
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 Topic: ADVICE NEEDED!!
Posted: 16 October 2007 at 11:36am |
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HI
ok well i have a problem..
my newborn babys father is now officially in the picture and thats ok i dont mind that cos that aint the problem its the fact that when theres no problems we get on like the most happiest couple its just that when we do argue or have our disagreements he always threatens to take my son away from me and i'll never see him again..
im actually wondering how can i protect myself and make sure i have full parental custody incase oneday he is actually serious..
please feel free to leave any comments...
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Bizzy
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Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: New Zealand
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Posted: 16 October 2007 at 11:57am |
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if you arent together as a couple i would suggest an offical access agreement thru the courts. if you are a couple i would get rid of him. anybody who uses a child as blackmail aint worth it!
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ginger
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Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: New Zealand
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Posted: 16 October 2007 at 12:03pm |
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Well said GandT.
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Cuinn Lachlan 23.1.09 - 22:00
Antonia Helene 4.8.11 - 09:41
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cuppatea
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Joined: 05 February 2007
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Posted: 16 October 2007 at 12:07pm |
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Are YOU actually with him? or is he just seeing your son?
Firstly I would not be with any bloke who makes threats of any kind when things are not going their way.
If I were in your situation then I would be getting legal advice now. He obviously has a right to be involved and it is good that he wants to be, but perhaps there has to be some limits set.
I'm not sure but if you can't afford a solicitor then the citizens advice bureau may be able to help you.
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cuppatea
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Posted: 16 October 2007 at 12:08pm |
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GandT posted at the same time but I think she said it better.
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cmaine
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Posted: 16 October 2007 at 12:14pm |
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Yeah we are together and have been on and off for a few years now,since our son came along we have gotten more serious,i do love him,
like i said its only when we have a big arguement that that actually comes into it,all i want is to have my side covered..
he does love his son dearly and i know he wouldnt take him away from me but theres always that little bit of doubt in the back of my mind..
and i think leaving him or getting rid of him is easier said than done!!
especially considering my son is only 18days old...
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Peace
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Posted: 16 October 2007 at 12:33pm |
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I honestly don't know a family court that would take a newborn away from it's mother because the father "feels like it". I know that there is a few rules/guidelines about BFing and mother/child dependence so he really is sh*t out of luck for threatening that. Unless of course you are doing something horrific to the child like beating it.
It doesn't sound like your relationship is in a very healthy place at all and if he is threatening to do something awful like steal your child, I would suggest talking to the Woman's Refuge. You don't have to go into hiding but you can have their support and back up.
He sounds like a bit of a prick.
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DD1 May 2006
DD2 March 2011
DD3 August 2012
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cuppatea
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Posted: 16 October 2007 at 12:37pm |
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Life is full of difficult and hard decisions. Now that you are a parent you have to step up and do what is best for you child and not what is easiest or best for you.
Breaking up a relationship is always difficult, but what you need to ask yourself is is it working for you?
Yeah sure all relationships have up and downs and everything won't always be peachy, but as far as I am concerned threats of any kind are crossing the line.
Sometimes even if you do love someone it is still right to walk away.
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Bizzy
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Posted: 16 October 2007 at 1:28pm |
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i stand by my original post... but wanted to add,
I think if your "partner" tried to take your baby thru the courts then it would very likely fail unless he could prove neglect/abuse etc. However if he wanted to what is there to stop him from picking him up and just taking him? Nothing!
If you have doubts then you need to take those doubts seriously. And you have to decide what is more important to you, your baby or the man who thinks the baby is a bargaining tool.
If your baby is only 18 days old how long has your "partner" been threatening to take him? did these threats go on all thru your pregnancy? and what did he use to threaten you with before the baby? leaving and not coming back?
I know it can be hard going out on your own and adding a newborn baby would be harder, but you have to think about the well being of both you, as the mother and caregiver, and your little baby. There will always be something else to threaten you with and in my opinion someone who starts with verbal abuse is only a step away from physical abuse.
Please think very carefuly and hard about the decisions you make regarding you and your babys future.
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Helen21
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Posted: 16 October 2007 at 2:25pm |
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I realise this is an 'easier said than done' situation as I have been in sort of the same position as you when my first daughter was just born.
First of all is he on the birth cert?
I must say I do agree with the others that if he is making threats like that then he probably isn't worth it or at least he's not ready to be in a mature, healthy relationship.
From my understanding you both have 'full custody'(as long as he is on the birth cert)if you both live with your son.
If you do decide that both you and your son would be better off without living with his father then there is a ton of support out there for you, it's just a matter of asking for it. If you choose not to live with your sons father it doesn't mean the father can't be just as involved in your sons life as he is now.
PM me if you have any questions or if you would like to 'talk' to someone who has been there.
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Chloe 12/7/03
Miya 5/11/05
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Bombshell
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Posted: 16 October 2007 at 4:31pm |
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you cannot get a Parenting order while you are living together as a couple.
I recommend you both go to counselling to try and resolve issues now rather than later.
If he threatens again and you do separate get an order then!
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Chovynz
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Posted: 16 October 2007 at 5:01pm |
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Maybe talk to him. Tell him you don't like it when he makes that kind of threat. Maybe say something like "I love you and want you to be a part of my life and my son, but I want you to respect me. When you say "..." you are using blackmail and manipulation. Thats not good for you or me. I want you to stop it please." "
Worth a shot.
Edited by Chovynz
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Defending the male species since 1980 
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Faraway
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Posted: 16 October 2007 at 6:03pm |
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Here here Chovynz well said!
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jack_&_charli
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Posted: 16 October 2007 at 10:58pm |
chovy that was very well put!!!!
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ADVICE NEEDED!!
