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Kazzle 
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Location: Porirua
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 Topic: I’m angry so angry
Posted: 19 January 2008 at 4:01pm |
I just cant seem to get past being angry, I am angry at the whole world, angry at every pregnant women i pass in the street, angry that i have had another baby taken from me, angry that my family and friends keep telling me to move on and it will happen when its ready, I bloody well know that, but dont need them telling me that.
Angry at my friend who knew i was losing my baby, and rung me 30mins after i told her that we had lost the baby and announced she was pregnant and then got sh*tty at me because i burst into tears and told her, that while i was happy for her, that i couldnt talk to her right now.
Angry at myself because i feel like i am failing my family, I feel like there is something wrong with me, i feel like i am being punished.
Now that i have said all this, I realise that its normal to feel like this, that its part of the healing process but i hate feeling like this, i dont like who i am at the moment, my husband doesnt like me, and my baby just stands there and cries when i raise my voice...i hope this doesnt last long. 
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fattartsrock
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Posted: 19 January 2008 at 4:02pm |
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The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P
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cuppatea
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Posted: 19 January 2008 at 4:18pm |
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mummy_becks
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Posted: 19 January 2008 at 4:27pm |
 's to you Kaz. One of my really old friends is going through what you are going through and she is angry with herself and others around her. So as a friend I know what it is like.
But OMG at your friend I would be so angry with her.
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I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived!
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aimeejoy
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Posted: 19 January 2008 at 4:56pm |
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Aimee
Hannah 22/10/05
Greer 11/02/08
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Kazzle
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Posted: 19 January 2008 at 5:07pm |
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I am trying my hardest not to take it out on anyone around me, as i know its not their fault, and im trying especially hard not to take it out on Kent and Rhiannon as its not fair to them, and i know Kent is hurting as well.
I am really happy for my friend, they have been trying a long long time to get pregnant, but her timing sucked, and to have her get upset with me, because i didnt go running around there and help celebrate. I have sent her an email explaining how i feel, also explaining that i am happy for her, but she just needs to give me a few days to deal with things....
but then again this friend does think the world should revolve around her, and with my last miscarriage, she said to me " oh ffs i dont see what you are getting so upset about, its not like it had growing into a baby or anything". Im not actually sure why im still friends with her.
I hope she doesnt have to go through this. I hope she never has to find out how hard it is.
anyway i have actually found since posting this message, im not so angry at anything anymore, i think it has helped just getting it out and saying it out loud, i have even told Kent how im feelin, which i should have done a few days ago
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james
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Posted: 19 January 2008 at 7:16pm |
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big hugs hun
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<a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a>
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Kazzle
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Posted: 19 January 2008 at 7:48pm |
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Thanks everyone, its really good knowing that i can post stuff and not be judged for it, and that you guys are so supportive
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mummy_becks
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Posted: 19 January 2008 at 7:56pm |
Its good getting things out, it def helps.
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I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived!
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mum2paris
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Posted: 19 January 2008 at 8:23pm |
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Kazzle, I dunno if it's normal but hope it is, I had a melt down the other night cos we had a family bbq at my place and my sis has never been welcome at my house since paris was little because of a number of reasons, she knows this, she rung me up and did her nut at me cos she couldn't come, and i lost it, I said i hated her, HATED, because i felt that her and mum were half the reason for my PND, that they took almost a year of Paris's life away from me that i'll never get back, and went on to say that I thought she was a crap mother and first and foremost the reason she is not welcome is because if i have to spend another minute in the room with her and her baby, who is longing for a cuddle and all she does is ignore him and leave him in his cot all day to stare at the celing and not ever interact with him and puts having a smoke above going to get him when he is crying.. then i would probably have to restrain myself from hitting her..... I am so angry that she got a baby and treats it like nothing when i so so wanted the baby we lost. don't think she heard much, if any of that, I think she may have hung up. Dammit, somehow i wish she had heard the lot.
How dare she question my reason for not wanting her near me, it's my house and if she hadn't been so stupid for so many years and let me down each time i helped her then i wouldn't have such disdain for her. But the latter part is alot of the reason lately.
I hope/think it's normal to feel angry.
Edited by mum2paris
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Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja
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Kels
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Posted: 19 January 2008 at 8:36pm |
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Busy mum to Miss 15yrs, Miss 10yrs and Master 4yrs
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Bubbaloo
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Posted: 19 January 2008 at 8:43pm |
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 Was danni-chick Mum to James My Angel 28/07/08
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nikkitheknitter
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Posted: 19 January 2008 at 9:34pm |
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Oh dear Kaz... above all else the hormones don't help do they?
I hope you manage to get through things OK... don't be afraid to let people know how you are feeling - better out than in.
xoxoxoxo
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Bumble
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Posted: 20 January 2008 at 9:56am |
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kobec
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Posted: 20 January 2008 at 11:44am |
Oh Kazzle. I can't even imagine what you must be going thru but just know that heaps and heaps and heaps of hugs are getting sent your way. And your 'friend' could definatly have waited at least a few more days till telling you - that was really uncalled for 
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Kazzle
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Posted: 20 January 2008 at 12:49pm |
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thanks guys,
I am feeling so much better today, I got a good nights sleep, bleeding almost stopped and hormones seemed to have settled down.
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ElfsMum
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Posted: 20 January 2008 at 1:06pm |
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i know how this feels...both with the friend..who instead of ringing me..decided to announce it at a party where everyone else knew so I had no option but to quietly freak out and get upset then leave early.. my solution was (after several other things happening before this) to not be friends with her anymore..it has worked out really well and without her i have made new friends and feel a lot better about things..
as far as angry goes.. i only had one m/c and that was enough to make me hate the world and be very angry at everyone as well.. I know i was very blessed to get pregnant again but i still know how it feels to feel a way you just dont want to(I'm not normally an angry perosn either) as you say your feelings are normal..but it sucks:( glad you are feeling a little better today..
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Mum to two amazing boys!
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tropics
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Posted: 23 January 2008 at 6:22pm |
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Kazzle I had the same thing happen when I had my mc the day after my D and C a good friend (so I thought) told me she was pregnant and continued to ask me questions about my pregnancy and pregnancy related questions etc I got of the phone and burst into tears it really shook me.....I emailed her and told her i needed space which she didnt understand and got sh*tty so I am no longer friends with her I realised after talking to alot of other people that you dont need friends like that and at times like that its when you find out who your true friends are
big hugs hun oxoxxoxo
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Roxy
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Posted: 28 January 2008 at 12:05am |
Hey Kazzle I have never posted on this particular forum but I have had two misscariages.I can understand how you are feeling.You are probably desperate to get pregnant again but terrified too?I found people say the most dumbest things...even women that have been through it but years before..(so numbed to it a bit by now)like it was meant to be...and...there must have been something wrong with the baby etc....nothing makes it feel any better eh..I wish I could give you the biggest hug!!!I dont have advice to give you though except be good to yourself...its not your fault this is happening.keep trying cause itl so be worth it.I had a misscariage then had Caleb then a misscariage and then Brooke....so dont really know what was going on with me.I used to beat myself up because I had abbortion when I was younger and thought I was being punished by having babies I wanted taken away.strange things go through ya head when heartbreaking things like this happen.my love to ya though hun.I hope you are ok
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Caleb 15/11/02 Brooke 14/11/05
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Kazzle
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Posted: 28 January 2008 at 10:10am |
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Thanks Roxy, i am doing okay, we are busy getting the house ready to go on the market, so havent had time to think much about anything really....We havent even discussed ttcing again at the moment, i think we are both just waiting to FA before we start again...will be good to have a break
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I’m angry so angry
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