Non baby friends

*sighs*
A bit of a vent/pity party/life realiseation

As much as I have tried to make Jacob "fit in around us" sometimes it just dosen't work out that way. If we go out for dinner/bbq etc, He just isn't that keen sleeping in a "foriegn" bed, or even his portacot, and who can blame him. He is too little to explain to what is happening, so usually, I take him home. He will sleep in the strange bed for an hour or so, then wakes and has a massive hissy. Now, i'm ok with this, I have got used to it. He is fine with everything else, and sleps good when we go away on holiday etc, just not too flash on dinner/partys etc. (A novel, already, and Haven't even got to my point...)

A friend asked us to go over for a potluck bbq dinner with some other couples (all non baby friends..)and I tried to politely turn her down, explaining the above situation. She is a really "good" friend, so knows us and the situation well. I used to live with her, so I know she eats very late, so I explained my concern, that I would be taking Jacob home at 8pm, and not eaten.

So anyway, we went, taking beer, wine, fizzy and cheese, crackers sossies etc. Damn BBQ didn't even get turned on until 9.15. Jacob woke at 9.30, hysterical, no amount of anything could calm him down. By 9.45 (still no tea ready) we hurridly packed every thing, including our STARVING selves and teenager, and hysterical baby into the car and left. no offer of doggy bag, or even what we had bought ( all untouched) including the box of 15 beers, with only 3 cans out of, or the unopened diet coke. We were rather hurridly rushed out the door, a vague apology issued about not having had tea ready earlier, and one couple overheard by teenager mentioned how rude we were being by leaving in such a hurry.

Am I deluded to think this was rude of THEM? I feel so angry and like crying every time I think about it. She also told me she would call me this morning.. Still no word..

Edited by jacobsmama

Oh my. I might be reading this all wrong, but from what you've described, if I was in your shoes I would be reconsidering the friendship - ringing her up and having it out, or at the very least sending an email.

*hugs*

And I don't know if this helps or not, but we went to a BBQ for the birthday of a friend, and even though he doesn't have kids of his own (yet ! I keep telling him LOL), he made sure that we knew we could eat even if the others hadn't started yet... because after a while he could see me getting tired and fidgety LOL Plus his partner has had a baby girl from her previous relationship, and probably pointed it out to him I was quite relieved, as we'd come straight from work and stopped at a bottle shop on the way especially to get them something.

I guess all I can *really* offer you is - and say that I think it's a pity your friend wasn't more observant / flexible. I'm assuming of course that she doesn't have kids of her own, or if she does they can take care of themselves...

How very very rude - that's all i can say - don't let it get to you - keep your head held high and realise that one day, they will have kids, and someone will do that to them (here's hoping) and maybe they might learn their lesson.. if you still are friends with them then you can even point it out.

We have that prob with my older sister though - and she HAS a kid! she always says she'll have family events at her house, and have a barbeque. but everyone has to bring some salad, and some meat. i wonder what she buys, cos usually everyone else can account for everything on the table. eg xmas day, we are told to be there by 11. so we get there at 11.15, thinking great - we'll be away from here in time to go put kids for afternoon nap at 2, maybe 3 at the latest. no way. barbque started up at 1.30, finally, after me and my other sister from hamilton (who was staying with us) went and started getting stuf ready in the kitchen. none of the kids there ate more than a mouthful cos by that time they were all tired and hungry and sick of each other. and to top it off - NO DRINKS and it was a stinking hot day. we ate and then got in the car, my sister from hamilton left too, with her kids, and the first thing we all did was go straight to the service station round the corner to get something to drink! (in her fridge was water, some special cordial for her son and scoady beers that were her hubby's.)

same thing happened when my older brother from aussie(self-confirmed bachelor) was here not too long ago. were invited over (this time i took no salad, i took DRINKS!! and some stuff the kids could eat before the meal)we got there about 12 this time (told to be there at 11, thought no way, not that stupid again) we get there and THEY AREN'T even there!!! we waited till 1.30 for them to get back - they had gone into town to get some stuff for the barbeque - i mean i know my borthers a chef and has to have every thing home made - but it all tasted the same as bought stuff anyway. what took nearly 2 hours to buy??! - again, we ate, and left.

What they never get is they always say my kids are too shy and just want to cuddle up with us all the time - they don't have a sense of humour, they don't like their uncle kidding around with them, blah blah, well if they weren't tired and starving then maybe everyone else would get to see the happy bubbly kids they are. some people just have no idea.. even if they did have kids - people like that just don't really change.

That's why you have all of us - who know what it's like and can sympathise. I bet if we all got together it'd be over and done with by 8.30pm so our kids could go to bed. lolol

Edited by mum2paris

9:45pm is waaaay too late for dinner, and I would stillf eel that pre-baby. I have to admit, before Jake I really didn't understand what they entail and would've been a lot like your "friends". you just don';t know until you have your own. it's kinda like going into the supermarket pre-kids and scoffing at the toddler having a tantrum, and congratulate yourself as YOUR child will never do that. two years later you are exchanging looks of pity with other mothers as you pry you sniverly child - face covered in snot - frmio the lolly eisle while it screams how you are such a mean mummy.

What I meant, Jax, and re reading, it dosen't come across like this is while we have a strict routine, in regards to sleeps and feeds etc, I don;t get all precious and go "oh no I can't do THAT, I have a baby", I'm not uptight, and he just slots in with us and goes wherever. he is very cruisy and laid back, so is never any problem, and no one ever minds me taking him to things like after hours staff meetings etc. He even came to one of our 3 christmas parties as our baby sitter cancelled last minute. What I have *just* realised is, everything is different now. I can take him places, but I am not the same person anymore, I am way different (and way better...)
Yep 9.45 is WAAAYYY late to be eating, but pre baby, I would have been half boozed by then and not worried anyway!

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! How rude!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thats wayyyy to late for dinner even if you didnt have kids. I think its rude of them or just really inconsiderate. I would have just taken my stuff that i brought with me and buggered off.

i tend to leave jaes with my mum saves a lot of troble

jacobsmama
i feel fill u i think im lucky out of all my friends were the last ones 2 start a family bug hugs

That's extremely rude!

If we go anywhere for dinner now I either feed Ella first or make sure I have a few (healthy) snacks for her to eat before dinner is served, just incase it's late. The only place I don't take food for Ella is my mums house, as of course, she knows what it's like to have kids!

I'm 21 and my partner is 24 and none of our friends have kids either..
I also find that I see my friends when I'm not with Ella, as they don't know how to act around them. I would probably be the same way if they had been in my shoes. And I'm also a totally different person now that I've had a child. It's a good thing, but you also have to remember that you're still the person you were before, and one friend told me the other day when we had a good chat that she hadn't seen that side of me for a few years.

ok mini novel over