Society and BF makes me angry

Now I understand that Breast is Best and I tried desperately to BF but I do not produce milk. I expressed every day till I was in pain and only getting 20-40mls for a whole days effort. There is no way I can feed my girl.

I actually found this quite traumatic and got so upset about it that I started to question my ability to be a good mum seeing that I couldn't even feed her. This isn't logical but it was just how I felt.

I stopped expressing to save my sanity and started thinking hard about why I felt so bad about not being able to BF. Then I realised that it had nothing to do with me, but had everything to do with the expectations I placed on myself because of what I had read, been told, seen advertised and had basically been programmed to believe. Even the walls in the hospital are covered in posters for BF and not a single one on the best formula to choose or what to be aware of.

I have gone through the bounty book which has pages of BF and only a couple of small paragraphs on formula. The only advice it gives is not to use cow's milk. Same with all the other info i've been given or located through health professionals. They weren't even allowed to discuss formula at our Antenatal classes because of the WHO code.

What about those of us who want to but can't?? What are we supposed to do for information to make the best informed decisions for our children?

I'm sorry for the vent but I am so so angry that I was made to feel so useless for something I can't control and then being left hanging out to dry to stumble on my own. I didn't even know formula could cause constipation so spent 3 nights with a screaming baby when I could have sorted the problem earlier if I had the information I needed. I'm lucky my MW is very down to earth and she bought me formula before I even knew what was happening.

Just really ticked about the whole thing really. It's just not fair.

Yeah I couldnt express either .. but fortunately I was able to manage to bf her and she weaned with relative ease.

I do recall I had an allergic reaction to the synthetic morphine in the hospital and DH had to sign a consent form before they would feed Isabelle formula WTF, you want her to starve while her mother recovers from an allergic reaction to drugs??

I completely understand where you are coming from. I have had such troubles with breastfeeding. With Dominic I really loved feeding him but my milk dried up when he was 3 months old, I tried taking drugs, homepathics and expressing, I did it for 7 months before I couldn't stand it anymore. When I weaned him on to formula I had a plunket nurse (not my usual one who is great) who told me that I should be bfing him until he was at least 1 and made me feel so awful about it. As if over the last 10 months I hadn't been beating myself up enough about it.
I was breastfeeding Isobelle, although not enjoying it because of her reflux every feed was a heartbreaking fight. One day at almost 3 months old she just refused to feed off me. I had no choice but to put her on formula or she would have died from dehydration. Yet if I give her a bottle in public people look at me as if its child abuse.
Breast is best if you can but being a good mum means making the best decision for the welfare of your child. And if that is to bottle feed then it is nobody's business except yours. I mean what would they have us do...let our children starve to death?!

Dana. It is very disheartnening thats for sure!
I have inverted nipples & low milk supply, so also physically couldnt do it. I BF DS1 for 4days & DS2 for 8days & they were the worst days of my life!
It does get easier with the not so welcoming advice/comments etc you do develop a harden ear!
You are doing what is best for you & your baby

In my grandmothers day the fed their babies on milk straight from the cow

There was a link to a study in the UK that someone posted on here a while ago that talked about the effects of the "breast is best" message on women who can't or don't want to breastfeed. Was an interesting read and I related to a lot of it. Is sad that society and probably more so ourselves put so much pressure on ourselves over something that in the grand scheme of raising a child isn't that important.
I also think the lack of information and support for bottle feeding sucks and is actually irresponsible. I understand about the WHO guidelines but I don't think giving info on bottle feeding to women who need or want it is going to be detrimental to the breastfeeding message, but making it hard or even shameful for women to ask for that info and get that info is damn right dangerous and potentially detrimental to the health of those infants.

Ok that is my rant over.

I will see if I can find that link to the study for you and also check out the bottle feeding thread for any advice or support you need.

You are right. I have a friend who just doesn't build up the milk glands in her breasts while she is pregnant - as a result she produces only colostrum. The posters in the maternity wards surely only shame those kind of people in a very negative way.

I can only speak for myself - and this topic often leads to a huge debate on this forum - but I ended up with PND due to the guilt and shame of not being able to b/f. I felt like the ultimate failure.

 

Thanks Bobbie - I am a whole lot better about it now, but I still have a lot of shame, and sadness about it. Not helped at the time by some very judgmental comments recieved whilst bottle feeding my baby in a parents room (happened twice!!!)

I am still very pro b/f and fingers crossed next time around it will be easier and I will know to ask for help and support sooner.

 

I know exactly where your coming from Dana, I am still having the same issues as you but I just cant bring myself to give up bf even though Alex is predominately formula fed, I have struggled with my supply from the get go. I feel so guilty and ashamed when I'm out and have to feed him a bottle but when it comes down to it he is gaining nice amounts of weight since having predominately more formula whereas it was a diiferent story before this.

I do feel like a failure and a really bad mum for not being able to exclusively bf and its something I'm having to deal with every day

I gave up BF Rhyley before we went tot he uk as I knew it is not accepted in public - sure they are getting better but I would of felt like a lepper and because we were being tourists alot of times I just could't feel comfortable about it.

My cousin in the Uk said she got asked as soon as she had her baby (2006) if she was FF or BF - when she said FF she got loads of phamplets about it and advse - free milk powder for a month and a free bottle.....

I agree Breast is best if you can but should not be complusary and if you choose to FF then you should get the support you need (and by support I don't mean trying to support you to change to BF)
I loved BF for as long as I did with each of my children but I loved FF just as much - as long as i didn't stave my child thats what counts.

How rude of other people commenting in a parents room - I remember a lady I vagley knew commenting to me when I said my baby was FF (she had previously randomly asked if I was BF'ing) she was almost telling me off - I just said - Its what i choose for my child!


Edited by Chickaboo