When are friends "not your friend" ?

Argh....

I have a birthday party here tonight, just a few of my close friends.
I have two friends that Im not really sure I should bother with anymore... but we have been friends since primary and it will be almost impossible "not" to be there friend. They are close by and I see them a lot. Our kids are also friends with each other.

Anyway, Friend A texted on Monday to say she'd "Be there!" and she'd see me friday. Friend A said the same thing when it was Janayas birthday party, and never turned up and reckoned her phone was flat (Even though I called it and it rang) I texted her yesterday to ask if she was still coming and no reply. I assume she will do the same as she did last time, pretend she never got my message and then claim her phone has been flat for a week (A work one?)

Friend B- I only hear from her when she's bored at home with her baby. She doesnt have a car and likes me driving her around everywhere. DH told me I needed to stop that, and see if she makes the effort to come and see me for once, which she did a few times. We saw each other 2 weeks ago and have been texting as well. I sent her an invite, and also texted her this week asking her whats happening, and no reply.

The thing is, now its at the point where if I text again, Im going to be "stalkerish". To be honest I really dont care if they come or not, I have other friends etc etc. But I am just so sick of being a really good friend to these people and getting to the point where I think I want to say something just to subtly let them know that I'm not happy?
I just dont know what to do!!!! I just cant stand being friends with people when you can never really trust their exuses and such?

Would you say something?

I'm going through a similar thing at the moment. I've tried 3 times to organise get togethers. The first time, she didn't get back to me. The second, we organised a get together and she never showed up, and now trying for the third time, she hasn't replied to my texts despite her texting me first!

I appreciate that our lives are busy but a courtesy text would be nice to say 'sorry, can't make it today' so we didn't have to sit at home waiting for her NOT to turn up! We could've been doing much better things with the time wasted on that.

I'm not making any more effort. It's just not being returned and it drives me insane! I'm unlikely to say anything though. Things are quite normal when we do eventually catch up so I thought maybe it's just me being hormonal and stubborn LOL.

If I were you, if the next texts will be verging on stalkerish, then I wouldn't send any. They've been given ample time to reply and you've tried to contact them in various ways so it's up to them now. I would see if they turned up tonight, and if they don't, then I'd send them a text either tomorrow or Sunday some time saying something like 'sorry you missed the party on Friday, it was a good night! Maybe next time'.

Oh and I hope you have a great time tonight, and that the people that really matter are there!

It sad when you drift a part but that happens unfortunately. If it was me I would just leave it alone, let them come to you, you have made all the effort the ball is now in their court.

Personally I'd be too chicken to say something to them about how annoyed I was, but if you're brave enough then go for it! You could always just ease off inviting either of them to anything - it's really rude to just not turn up or fake an excuse, so sounds like you're better off without the stress of wondering each time if they'll show up or what the excuse will be.

We had friends who I'd begun to see were really just using us, and after they didn't show at my 30th, and soon after my daughter's 1st, I wrote them off for invites full stop, and haven't regretted it.

Let your actions do the talking and stop making an effort with your two friends. I have a friend like yours and like you I used to get really upset at her lack of effort and lame excuses for basically being pretty selfish and lazy.   After a long time I figured I was wasting my time getting so stressed out by her and just took a step back and stopped making all the effort. We are still friends but when I see her now its on my terms and whether it suits me.   

I think you have to manage your expectations with people like that, its disappointing when you are a good friend to them but some people are just like that.   The thing that does make me laugh is if my friend is let down by anyone its the end of the world and she takes real offense to it!

Enjoy your evening tonight with your friends that are worth the effort!    

I'm a beleiver in seasons of friends. Some are freinds for a "season" and soem are freinds for ever, and we do need all of them at soem time.

I've just been through something like this and I'm sick of doing all the running, so I've now just cut people off. I had some friends, a couple who moved away and everytime they are in town, make palns to "catch up" and ALWAYS leave me high and dry. This last time, they didn't even text, and I skipped out of work early to see them and all. I was sooo pissed off. I don't bother making an effort now with peole who can't do the same with me. I don't answer thier texts anymore and just don't bother in general. If they phone I am vague and not really interesed, cos lets face it, they weren't all that bothered when I had to do the running unless they wanted something.

Makes it easier. If they bother to turn up or get in touch, just keep a distance and let THEM do the running for a bit and if they don't turn up or text, don't bother getting in touch with them again, let them come to you.

That said tho, like I said there are seasons of friendship and sometimes they just run their course but because you have been friends for so long or whatever, its out of habit rather than genuine enjoyment. It does hurt, but sometimes we just move in different directions in our lives. Friendship should be pleasure, not a chore.
They will come back for a "season" when they catchup to you.

I can relate to both sides, I can get completely walked on at times by friends when all i'm trying to do is be a friend. Then at other times I can be really slack. I was meant to try and catch up with a friend I haven't seen for awhile this week, but she doesn't understand that there are a few things going on for me at the moment like A. I am pregnant and B. my dad has been in hospital for the last three weeks and we have just found out that he has chirrosis of the liver so I haven't exactly been the most sociable person in the world and as I don't spend any time with my parner the days that we have had off we have wanted to spend with each other, (sorry kind of think as much as I need friends outside of my partner I at this stage also need to nourish my relationship with him as he is the father of my baby)

So how'd it go on Friday night, Kaiz?  And did your 2 'friends' turn up?

yay for flowers and cake! But man what is it with friends and poor excuses?  My friend knew we would be in Akl for the day yesterday (where she lives) but never invited us to visit, nor suggested she come to see us.  But she hasn't made an effort in soo long I shouldn't be surprised!!  I wish (in a nice way) she would just vanish and that I didn't know her.  Then I'd never have to think about her and wonder why she is/was such a useless friend when I've been nothing but generous to her!