Why Me?

Hi everyone,
I am only new to this site and was recommended to come here by my sister as she said this may help me deal with my m/c.

My husband and I have been TTC with our first baby since Dec-08 (after being on the pill for about 10yrs)

At the end of may I discovered to our delight that I was pregnant, only to have it all torn apart about a week later when I had a m/c (naturally).

What has made matters worse in my struggle to cope with my m/c is that soooo many of my friends and acquaintenances are pregnant right now (either just found out through to due). My husband tells me it is just coincidence as we are TTC but honestly this time last year I probably only knew of 1 person who was pregnant and now I can't even count the number on my two hands!

I have often found my self wondering why it happened to me? what did I do wrong or do to deserve this when so many others seem to be elated with their news!

Hubby keeps trying his best to keep me upbeat and not to worry that we'll get our bundle of joy some day, but it is really hard to be positive especially when my Dr told me I need to wait 3 months before we start TTC again - heartbreaking!

How do you find the strength to wait and keep trying? I want to be happy for my friends but deep down I am envious.

thanks for your support, I've found m/c to be like you say something not spoken about whether or not people are ashamed or not?
I just find it harder to deal with esp with everyone around me pregnant.

Congrats to you, hope everything goes well for you with your twin girls :)

hugs skylar
It is such a hard time for you at the moment. You will find other people just don't know what to say or think they are being helpful and really aren't (if one more person said 'its natures way' or 'at least you can get pregnant' to me I was about ready to slap someone)
You are allowed to feel a little bit envious of friends with their pregnancies (its only natural) - but remember they probably also feel werid being happy for their bubs while you lost yours.

I assumed (foolishly it would appear) that as our first bub took ages to come along it would be another looong wait. This was when I joined OhBaby - figured I could do with all the help I could get if we were going to go down this path again.

Unfortunately - there are loads of ladies on here who have been through what you're going through now. But that does mean a mountain of support online if you ever need it. You will never forget your little one (I've just had my MC due date on the weekend - and its still sad)

HUGS

WOW...time has flown since I made this post, when I read my original post the emotion and pain one endures when going through a miscarriage is evident.

Well it is coming up a year since that post, and it has been a year since my m/c and my journey towards TTC still continues...I was very naive after my m/c thinking it would not take long to conceive again but here I am a year later with no joy :( and as per my post, friends continue to have babies, continue to get the BFP's and some now even on their 2nd.

Life dishes some hard blows and not matter how hard you try to make yourself feel better with the little treats etc every time AF shows up it really doesn't do anything to the hole you have in your heart.

Wanting something so badly and not having the ability to get it is the toughest part. Most goals you set yourself, if you put the work in you will see results....this is different, what I have learnt is you have no control and no sureity of a result.

My condolences to all of you lovely women out there who have had to endure the pain and loss of m/c. I often think that sometimes some of us are just meant to be the greatest aunty to the many nieces and nephews we probably all have.

Sprinkling baby dust over all of you xox

hey skylar I mc'ed around the same time as you (well, 12th August officially).
I don't tend to hear so much from people a bit further down the track such as ourselves, tends to be new mc's (but god can I ever tap into those feelings reading through this forum?!)

Don;t know about your year, but mine's been poo, and like you mention earlier, lots of conflicting feelings around other peoples pregnancies and newborns. this has been huge for me. To the point of total avoidance.
I've counted 12 pregnancies and newborns in the last 12 months, where I think normally there's 1-2? As if to spite me!
I know, the 'treats' pale in comparison when you think you'd trade them all in in a heartbeat (a healthy continuing one on a scan).

I got a BFP yesterday, I do wonder if this had happened sooner, would it have helped me move on sooner. This pregnancy isn't looking hopeful tbh, lots of bleeding/spotting so I'm trying not to get too attached. It feels very much like swapping one set of anxiety for another, like coming full circle on a spiral staircase.
I wish you all the best for conceiving and carrying a happy healthy baba very soon - firing some of your babydust back atcha

Out of interest, what would you say has helped you through the last year?

thanks the saff. There do seem to be some stories of people who do spot the scary stuff through pregnancy, so am trying not to worry TOO much. if thats possible.

Stopped worrying with the spotting last time, figured it was 'normal' for me

you too hon.

I quite often questioned how I would know if what I was feeling was grief related or actual depression. But the depression would be related to the grief, so where does one start and the other end?

Some people have felt that antidepressants were helpful in getting over that hump.
For me personally, I wanted to avoid these, partly because I felt that at some point I would have to stop taking them and deal with it all again drug-free and weaning off them, and I wanted to just get past this as much as possible as naturally as possible. Also I did not want to have depression on my medical records that I might have to disclose at a later date, ie job application form etc. But thats my take on this, and its a very individual decision.

In my case I was advised not to ttc because I was waiting to see a specialist for 6 months, and didn't want to end up back at the end of the queue, and was advised by GP (and then specialist not ttc since Dec 09) I couldn't have honestly and healthily faced it before then anyway.
So I understand, in a way, how it feels to KNOW what it is you need and want to do in order to move forwards, and NOT be able to do anything about it (after being put on hold by the gynae for another 2 months and left in limbo with no guarantee of resolving anything, but facing possible infertility conditions, I decided 'f-it, gonna try against med advice")
I get the tippy-toeing, people don;t know how best to broach it, I found most leave well alone, or make assumptions on whats best, rather than tackling you head on!

I definitely would say to get to the GP if you can, if you haven't had your hormone levels done recently, maybe just get the Day2-3's and Day 21's to put your mind at rest there. That way its documented that you have been trying, and if you need referring to fertility specialist (sorry, heavy stuff I know) then earlier records of this might mean less waiting around.

Or if you have more faith in a naturopath or want to do things more naturally, definitely, why NOT? Taking an active part in getting on this stuff is a MASSIVE part of taking some of that control back. I know its a bit cliche, the whole lack of control following mc, but I totally think its true.

Its hard to be optimistic too, when you keep getting triggered and beaten down by the same old things, so kudos to you for trying!!

Have you had any counselling either? I know I sounds like a broken record with this. It took me to 4 months post mc and a few stupid things I did before I initiated this, and should have done it a lot sooner. I think it helped in that it was someone non-biased, who didn't know me, didn't have to tiptoe or 'say the right things' or contain the tears or awkwardness.
It was very validating and made me feel more real, if that makes sense?
As long as you can find someone good too! I phoned the local contacts for mc support and asked them if they knew of anyone. Or maybe your GP could refer you?

Thanks for your wellwishes, and take care of yourself and your man