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hissyfit 
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Joined: 30 December 2009
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 Topic: A fathers rights?
Posted: 30 December 2009 at 6:20pm |
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(By the way I'm wanting to stay anonymous for his sake hence the new name)
Our boarder and his girlfriend broke up a couple months ago when he moved in with us, she is pregnant and due in March..
Shes been a bit funny, hes a really great guy but I think she is playing mind games with him, he does everything she asks (eg jumping up to pick her up from work and so on). One night she text him saying she had overdosed, but wouldn't give address so he could call a ambulance... She's also moving to Christchurch away from him/ friends/ family.
Earlier on tonight she texts him saying shes going to bring around some papers for him to sign so he gives up all rights to their son, so he won't have to pay child support and can't see their son etc
We've told him he DOESN'T have to sign, and we are encouraging him not to, he has said he is thinking of signing them to keep her happy, that he has a right to see their son etc and if hes happy to pay child support then he should have visitation rights etc.
What rights does he have? Can he take it through the courts to get proper visitation rights etc sorted? What about full custody? If he doesn't sign the papers would he have to go through courts for visitation rights etc??
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_H_
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Joined: 28 September 2009
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Posted: 30 December 2009 at 6:37pm |
as far as i know (from my best friend he is having HEAPS of problems) he will need to go to court to get visitation rights. my mate went to court as his ex GF moved to auckland away from him and her family. he then got an order to make her move back to the wellington area- that was when baby was 3 months he is now just about 2 and they are still in Auckland. he goes up there every 3 weeks to see his son even then he doesnt get his full time with his son (should be having 3 hours is only getting 2 hours etc)
things are made harder as he is not named on the birth cert so he has had to fight twice as hard! because he isnt on the birth cert (dont understand why the courts dont make her put it on as there has been a DNA test done) he doesnt have to pay child support BUT he still does every week
 it all makes me SO mad there are lots of dads out there that want nothing to do with their kids so she should make the most of him wanting to be a dad!
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RoSee
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Joined: 12 March 2009
Location: Auckland
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Posted: 30 December 2009 at 8:44pm |
I am going through something a little like this. The father of my baby had major drug & gambling problems, drug convictions, a warrant out for his arrest etc... so I approached a lawyer to get a without notice Parenting Order so that I could have it in writing legally that if something was to happen to me, my son would be cared for by my mother rather than his father.
His father was served the papers which seemed to give him a reality check as he decided to hand himself in and get help for his addictions. He chose to fight the order which lead to us having a meeting with our lawyers. Even with him admitting all the things he was doing (drugs, gamblimg, stealing from me) there is no way I could possibly stop him from seeing his son. The courts will not allow it. So he now has supervised visits twice a week - if it was to go to court they would quite likely make the visits even more regular as when the child is very young they encourage short visits often.
So it sounds like your boarder is a decent guy, and legally there is no way she can keep the baby from him. I would definately encourage him NOT to sign anything although I'm sure if he did and then ended up taking the matter to court they would understand his reason for signing and completely disregard the contract.
ETA - the other thing my lawyer told me was that if a baby/child is living with one parent (even if they have been for quite some time) and that parent doesn't have a parenting order for day to day care, the other parent could take the child for a visit and not return them and the police couldn't even do anything about it 
Edited by RoSee
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Candkids
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Joined: 03 April 2007
Location: BOP
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Posted: 31 December 2009 at 6:14pm |
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he doesnt have to sign anything at all its his choice how involved he wants to be in the childs life
, i went thru all this with my ex after he took s and wouldnt bring her back which - as we didnt have any legal aggrement in place he had the right to do! (as said above) i phoned the police and they said they couldnt do anything as there was no custody aggrement and it was her dad so he had the rite to take her, very scary, we went thru lawyers about visitation etc he wouldnt aggree to anything so we ended up having a mediation at family court, it was really great as they also made sure he got help for alcohol & anger problems before he was allowd to start seeing her.
also recently a friend of mine (male) had a order put on his ex to stop her moving to chch with their son untill they had a proper custody order in place (which could be a idea for your friend)
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 DD 10.5yrs DS 6yrs DS 11mths 5 little angles watching from above
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Jelly
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Joined: 06 August 2009
Location: Auckland
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Posted: 31 December 2009 at 10:14pm |
If he signs those papers he will lose all his rights to see his son won't he? I would imagine he would be well within his rights not only to not sign them but to challenge her for shared custody if he wants to. Or full custody in fact, you said she OD'd on something? While pregnant? That sounds a bit off
Hugs to him (and you!), it sounds a bit messy but hopefully everything will get sorted out soon 
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jazzy
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Joined: 16 January 2009
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Posted: 01 January 2010 at 9:13am |
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Obviously there is more to this story as you are using a new name to protect him, does he come on here?
So I will comment on what I see in your post, if you want to add more feel free to.
She sounds like a emotionally upset pregnant woman whose relationship has ended & is facing bringing up the baby alone.
Maybe this is a cry to get him back. Or maybe she wants nothing to do with him resulting from things that happened in their relationship. How scary things must be for her, baby is due in a couple of months, bet her dream of what it would be like has changed now.
Every pg woman asks for there partner to do things for them & what he moans about picking her up from work? WTF is with that. If he can not do for his pg GF how can he do for his baby when born?
As for the rights thing, if he wants to be a dad to this child & is prepared to support & be there then he should not sign any papers giving his rights away.
If he thinks the baby is in danger prior to being born & after then he should do something about it now, she text about OD, he must of know she was not serious as he did nothing about it. He could of reported it to the police, would of helped his case if he wanted custody.
What ever he does he needs to know that this is not a game a little life is involved & if he is going to step up & be the dad he has to be prepared to pay child support for the next 19 yrs & having very little if any say on how things are done in the child life, that is if they are not together.
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jazzy
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Joined: 16 January 2009
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Posted: 01 January 2010 at 9:50am |
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hissyfit, just wanted to add I am not having a go at you or taking sides.
I feel for both parties & would hate to be in either situation.
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?Lolly?
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Posted: 01 January 2010 at 5:10pm |
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I think it's a no brainer really. Don't sign, see a lawyer. Lawyers arn't cheep though (unless you are entitled to legal aid) There are a few rules about guardianship, from memory: Father needs to have been living in with the Mother for any period during the pregnancy and present during the birth. He does not to be on the birth cert to have guardianship rights. If he is not on the birth cert then for the Mother to be able to collect child support the father has to sign an acknowledgment of paternity. Also, the fact that a father isn't paying child support does not effect his right to seek access to a child.
It's unlikely he will be given full custody, but I this guys situation I should think it would be better for the child to have an agreement in writing. Perhaps the Mother will feel different after bubs is born. I remember what it felt like to be pregnant (with my first) and for life to not be at all like I had planned it!
Also, it is only very rarely that a guardian's rights is removed entirely. Even if he does sign paper work I don't think it would mean much if he changes his mind a later date and seeks access though the court.
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Captain Chaos (5) & the Trouble Monsters (2!)
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A fathers rights?
September '11
