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chonni 
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 Topic: what do i do?
Posted: 25 February 2010 at 9:26pm |
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since i split up with milas dad he has always had her for the day on a sunday ( not always reliable) but just today he told me he needed to talk about his days with her, apparently he has excepted a job and has to work on sundays, i think he should have made sure with me he could swap before taking it, and he says he cant have her on sats because he wants to study. he wants to take her on a monday from 4.30 till 8.30pm, but i just dont think that thats ok for a 2 year old to be left awake that long, then it will take me a good 30mins or more to get her to sleep after that. i just dont know what to do, my mum says to leave it and not let him have her because if he really wanted her he should not of got that job in the first place. any advise would be good, sorry if this makes no sence lol, bit tired haha
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HoneybunsMa
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Posted: 25 February 2010 at 9:34pm |
Can't give you any advice on the day situation fair enough he should have talked to you about the job and changing days BUT in saying that it is a sht job market out there still. Don't know your exes situation in respect to work but in our case DP has been looking for AGES and there are jobs that he is more then capable in doing and he has really good experience etc but hasn't gotten jack. Just food for thought on him getting a new job.
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emz
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Posted: 25 February 2010 at 9:48pm |
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Hmm it's a tough one, but I would give him the benefit of the doubt for a while. It is a hard job market out there so it may have been the only one he could get.
Could he do 2 x2 hour sessions during the week insead of 4 hours in a block on a Monday? Then she would be home by 6.30 and you could do the night-time routine. Just a thought
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peanut butter
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Posted: 25 February 2010 at 9:49pm |
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would she be ok to stay the night with him and you pick her up or he drops her off or at daycare (whatever you do) on Tuesday?
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Peanut
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Posted: 25 February 2010 at 10:08pm |
Thats a good idea, NZpiper. Your not just a pretty face 
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Shezzey
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Posted: 25 February 2010 at 10:13pm |
I am wondering why he can't study on the Tuesdays and have his daughter on Saturday at a reasonable time? 
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Shezzey
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Posted: 25 February 2010 at 10:14pm |
Umm.. I mean the Mondays... i am tired now too 
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peanut butter
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Posted: 25 February 2010 at 10:21pm |
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chonni
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Posted: 25 February 2010 at 10:26pm |
 Shezzey wrote:
I am wondering why he can't study on the Tuesdays and have his daughter on Saturday at a reasonable time? |
thats what i told him but he hasnt responded to it yet, their should be no reason, pluss he hardly ever goes to class a course that was only ment to take 6 months has taken him 2 years!. i know its a tough job market but he told me he got offerd two jobs but he took this one. i just dont know if hes telling the truth as well because most of the time he lies about anything just so he wont have to have her.
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Shezzey
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Posted: 25 February 2010 at 10:52pm |
Chonni... that is so shocking that he avoids having his gorgeous daughter... he should be castrated!! ... she is part of his flesh and blood and family and he doesnt have time for her... selfish pr*ck grrrr 
Maybe it would be a good thing if he didn't get to take your daughter because if he lies and is behaving the way he does now, he won't be a good example for her.
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Shezzey
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Posted: 25 February 2010 at 10:55pm |
I was thinking maybe if you tell him he can't get to take her until he gets his priorities sorted out, he will be more keen to see her... you know the reverse pschology thing??
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Bizzy
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Posted: 25 February 2010 at 11:04pm |
Shezzey wrote:
I was thinking maybe if you tell him he can't get to take her until he gets his priorities sorted out, he will be more keen to see her... you know the reverse pschology thing?? |
yes but that might go against her if he decided to get an official access agreement put into place.
which is something that maybe you should look at. then you can put rules in place about ho much notice before changing plans etc...
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Bizzy
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Posted: 25 February 2010 at 11:06pm |
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oh and if he is going to feed her dinner and bath her and deliver her in pj's then it might just work in your favour after all...
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Shezzey
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Posted: 25 February 2010 at 11:36pm |
Bizzy wrote:
yes but that might go against her if he decided to get an official access agreement put into place.
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Wouldn't that be a good thing? I dont know anything about official access agreements, but I imagine it would allow access at set days and times?
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Bizzy
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Posted: 26 February 2010 at 8:50am |
Shezzey wrote:
Bizzy wrote:
yes but that might go against her if he decided to get an official access agreement put into place.
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Wouldn't that be a good thing? I dont know anything about official access agreements, but I imagine it would allow access at set days and times? |
yes an official access agreement is a good idea. i was meaning that if she decides to deny him access now then it may go against her if he decides to go through the courts for access.
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mummyofprinces
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Posted: 26 February 2010 at 9:04am |
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No advice just want to give you hugs......
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Nikki
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Posted: 26 February 2010 at 9:45am |
I was going to suggest saturdays too, and he studies in the evening. Perhaps you could offer half of sat giving him the rest of the day to study, or say you are ok with mondays as long as she is home by 7pm (bathed and in pjs), and leave it with him. If he is slack then maybe it will work out good for you as he won't bother (not so great for your daughter long term though). I hope it all works out for you. 
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DS (5yrs) and DD (3yrs)
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WRXnKids
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Posted: 26 February 2010 at 10:18am |
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Can he not spend that time at your house and do her nighttime routine and leave when she is asleep or are you and him on rather strained terms?
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jazzy
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Posted: 26 February 2010 at 11:17am |
It does not sound like he really want to be a father. I guess I would ask him straight out. If he does then sit down & agree on days & times that suit you both. Your daughter need stability, if he is not prepared to put time in to his daughter then that say it all.
Hope he is paying child support.
Good luck & I hope you get the outcome you want 
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jaz
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Posted: 26 February 2010 at 11:27am |
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Is he attending a course on Saturday or just wanting to do assignment work? If its just course work then he could do that through the week. Otherwise perhaps consider 1-2 evenings a week from 4.30-6.30 or thereabouts and have him give her dinner and a bath. If you are amiable he could come to your house and do it while you go out.
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what do i do?
