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wellsini 
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Location: Auckland
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 Topic: Is it wrong ...
Posted: 05 April 2010 at 9:44am |
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to want another baby when you have two already and a sick DH? DH has an incurable brain tumour and has just undergone a year of operations and radiation and chemo. They say they'll never be able to rid him of it but he could have up to 10 years of life left in him but they just don't know. When he isn't on treatment he is fine - you wouldn't know there was anything wrong with him except him being tired.
We have two wonderful little girls and I'm starting to think I want another. DH does not think it is fair on a child to have it knowing that it won't have a Dad for as long as we would hope for (we found out about all this a month after DD2 was conceived). I think that a family full of love for as long as we have with him is better than a lot of children have and figure the more children the merrier.
Anyways ... thoughts please? Is it unfair to have another one???
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fire_engine
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Posted: 05 April 2010 at 9:54am |
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No. I can completely understand why you would want another. Of course, I can also see your DH's perspective.
I'm a child who grew up without my birth parent - My mum was diagnosed with a brain tumour when I was six months and died when I was two. Yes, it's been really hard not knowing her and half of where I come from, and it can be really sad when I let myself think about it but I'm really grateful that she had me. It's actually been easier in the last few years cos Dad has started talking about her again - after she died (and Dad remarried) she was hardly ever mentioned and I think that was harder than not having her around. She was almost a taboo subject.
I'd bring some financial reality to the situation as well - how are you set up financially, could you afford to raise 3 kids on your own (emotionally and financially) .....
Good luck to you and your DH
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caliandjack
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Posted: 05 April 2010 at 9:58am |
No its not wrong, I can understand your wanting to have another child with DH before he's gone, and I can understand your DH knowing he may not possibly be around for his children. Its a tough choice.
Just my 2 cents worth, I would decide if you want a third child based on your life and circumstances as they are today, who knows how long your DH will be with you as you say they don't know, if you both want a third then go for it.
I always remember the story my mum told me of a friend of hers who came to see me when I was a baby cause she'd just been told she had cancer and not long to live, well she lived another 10 years after then. Miracles do happen.
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Raspberryjam
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Posted: 05 April 2010 at 10:00am |
I can understand your Hubbys concerns, but I would continue life as normal for as long as possible too so I get where you are coming
Just deal with the rough bits as they happen
Good on you for not throwing in the towel, hope the rest of your lives together is as easy as it could be
my mum died of melanoma 3 and a bit years ago, normally the prognosis is 5 years tops, but she lived with cancer for 13 years, and it was only the last couple of months that affected her living
so there is always hope
Edited by Raspberryjam
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Bizzy
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Posted: 05 April 2010 at 10:10am |
i can understand why you would want another... however losing a parent is very hard. i also imagine that it would be harder to cope with three small kids after losing a partner than two. i think if you look at the bigger picture and the wider ramifications it might help you in your decision. so much more than the here and now woule need to be considered, i would imagine.
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anon
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Posted: 05 April 2010 at 11:51am |
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Hard decision. I think first of all you're not wrong to want (or to have) another. And neither is your husband's concerns wrong either. You just need to work it out between you what's best for your family. You may not have another chance to have another baby and you don't know how long your husband will live for. However, the financial and emotional ramifications for you and your kids when he's gone is another thing to consider. I don't think anyone can tell you what the right decision is for you - it's a decision you need to make together
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BaAsKa
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Posted: 05 April 2010 at 8:49pm |
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my cousin chose to have another baby (her 3rd) ...her baby is 2 weeks younger than mine ..so 9 months...my cousin has bone cancer....but is living in the here and now....
hugs to you guys!!!
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wellsini
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Posted: 06 April 2010 at 8:00pm |
Thanks for the responses!
I think my problem is that my head and my heart say different things ... and I know to follow my head but my heart is still wanting another one ... and I keep thinking that perhaps I can have another one and so the debate goes on and on in my head!
I should just forget about it all for now and enjoy what i have. Sometimes I wish we could turn our brains off for a bit
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Chickoin
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Posted: 07 April 2010 at 12:04am |
Wow, that is a really hard decision! I know I would feel the same if my DH was sick. But if it was me that wasn't going to be around one day I don't thinkg I could bare having another child to leave behind.
Good luck
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ElfsMum
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Posted: 07 April 2010 at 11:46am |
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firstly hugs:(
personally i wouldnt but i can definitely see why you want to.. but of course it's a totally personal choice that only you and hubby can make..
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Mum to two amazing boys!
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freckle
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Posted: 07 April 2010 at 12:02pm |
What a tough decision to make  I would be inclined to live in the here and now and go for it... It must be do hard for DH but siblings can be great support for each other and as you say he could be here for another ten years...
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mum to 3 lovely girls :D
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kiwisj
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Posted: 07 April 2010 at 12:40pm |
Oh wow, that's such a hard decision for you guys to make,
I think I would also be inclined to go for it, if it's what you really want and if you had always planned on more than two kids IYGWIM. I agree with freckle, siblings are an amazing support to each other. Definitely something you and DH need to be on the same page about though 
Sorry, I'm no help am I
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SJ
Callum - Dec 2008
Daniel - Oct 2010
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Is it wrong ...
