Still fighting me

My 20 month old is still fighting me big time! Again to get her dressed 45-50 minutes this morning and I had to struggle with her again in the carseat. DH works 7 days so he can't help me. Tonight I decided to shower her, DH wanted too but I said no I have too, again getting her dressed a nightmare so he comes racing in like a knight in shiny armour and she flicks a switch and just lays there and gets dressed for him. Don't get me wrong I really appreciate his help but this behaviour just isn't funny after a month of it now - how much longer can this go on and does anyone have ideas on how I can keep her calm!

Doesn't it just drive you nuts?

We have similar here, DH works shifts so I am on my own a lot but DD will do absolutely anything for him. For me, its a battle.

The way I handle it depends on the day and mood. Some days I try negotiating, bribery, begging... other days I just manhandle her into her clothes/the bath/the car and thank my lucky stars that I can tune out the yelling.

Hope you find something that works!

Do you think she's too young for time out?

Lily does this all the time and it's only when I dress her and she's 5 months!

I have noticed she doesn't do it for her dad or MIL and I wonder if it is because they are more cheerful and smiley and playful when they change her. Whereas I am a bit more serious.

Could this be the case with you?

My 19 month old DD is very strong willed and determined (I always tell myself as hard as it can be now, they are good traits to have as you get older - to put a positive spin on it)

My DH goes away alot so sometimes she gets to have Daddy helping there alot other times not at all. Getting dressed is an ordeal for us alot of the time, if I can we do it in front of the TV but at night its in her room and she put up a fight I just keep calm talk calmly and try to distract as I "force" the clothes on.

Toddlers sure are hard work, I have been reading Nigel Lattas book and Pinky McKays Toddler Tactics both very different but great for ideas on how to deal with different situations.

In regards to time out, I personally don't think DD is old enough yet but I do do emotional time out so if she is having a meltdown about something I just switch off and busy myself with something until she stops for example at the moment she wants me to pick her up all the time while I cook dinner so tonight I ignored the constant pleading after explaining I was busy cooking and could she please wait, she went on for another minute then went off and played with something, then when she came back 5 minutes later I picked her up.

My guess would be that she doesn't fight her Dad as she doesn't know where is boundaries are and how much he will tolerate but she knows how far she can (or can't) push you. She is also learning that she has some control of things and is trying to exert that control.

Letting her have some choice as Bubba2 suggested is a good idea as she has some control over the situation. Maybe let her choose which of 2 tshirts she wears today etc.

I don't think that Jaci is old enough yet for time out and I don't think it would work for him. If he is really misbehaving then he is warned and if he continues he is put on the front step. I walk away and he follows straight away, normally by this stage he is upset and ready to listen to me, if not I return him to the step. When he listens I explain what should have happened, we have a hug and kiss and carry on with what we were doing and he behaves from then on. Basically he is given options and consequences, and he knows that I will follow through. Sometimes he plays up with DH as he thinks up his consequences on the spot and they are often ridiculous and he doesn't follow through. Follow through is the most important part.

Same here Liz - we started time out before Jack turned one, and he's pretty good with it too!

It's about boundaries - unfortunately as women we generally suck at following up on things - we warn/threaten over and over, whereas men follow through so kids now the buck stops with them.

Having DH gone a lot, I have to try and be mum and dad so it means I've actually studied DH's behaviour with the kids and tried to copy his harshness (for want of a better word) with them (not that I'd let on I did that to him though )

I've always been very big on making sure the kids know we are the boss, with C I've been pretty lucky , all I had to do was count to 3 , slowly ,and she would stop whatever naughty behavior she was doing and settle down .
However, on the odd occasion that she wouldn't I found that one of the following would work :
a choice of two things (eg, clothes )
time out
bribery
leaving her be until she settled down

later on , (bout age 3 /4) a star chart worked well for her , she loved getting pretty stars for being good

I find it much easier to give Caleb choices, like do you want to wear the jeans or the cargo pants?, shower or bath?, get dressed in the bedroom or the lounge? He just likes being able to asert his independence.

Don't be too hard on yourself, if you are taking care of her all day long then she is probably ready for a fresh face by the end of the day, and DH hasn't seen her all day so its probably good for him to do the bathing and feeding while you sort out dinner.