Do *you* lie about Motherhood...

I totally agree, although I tend not to lie about it, and just admit it LOL

• TTC was stressful, more so the thought of another m/c than anything.
• Pregnancy was bollocks. I hate saying it, because I didn't get any MS really, but I swelled like a balloon, couldn't walk, couldn't roll over in bed, couldn't eat decent food (because of heartburn) and in the last 6 weeks, had to inject myself 3 times a day with insulin. It wasn't fun.
• Labour was awesome. The pain was phenomenal, and worthless in my case, but I was so excited. I wasn't nervous at all about them being early, I was just so happy that they were coming out and I was going to get some relief. I really didn't mind labour, to be honest, even though it hurt like a mofo!!!!

Oh, and being a SAHM is very hard. I don't particularly enjoy it, but I love spending time with my girls. I just need adult conversation and stimulation.

linda wrote: Don't really see the point in saying anything other than how it was. I might be selective as to who I talk to about what but thats about it

yep me too...but in a way isn't that lying by omission?  I'm thinking here in paticular about having to 'edit' my birth story for the ante-natel class.....

I don't lie, but I do find myself omitting details sometimes too.

TTC - I found it exciting, nerveracking and the best feeling I had ever in my life experienced at the time, was finding out I was UTD.

Pregnancy - I honestly loved it most of the time. I did however have a very easy time. I'm sure it won't be so text book next time - surely I can't be that lucky!

Birth - I had a fantastic birth experience. DS arrived via c-section as he was breech, after being in labour for about 2 hours. I don't feel ripped off for having a c-section and the recovery was tough, but I don't think I could have asked for a better birth experience overall.

BF - we FF DS from 10 days and I still feel guilty. Not because of what anyone says but just how I feel.

Motherhood - I love DS to absolute bits and still spend so much time just staring at him but I am looking forward to doing some part time work later in the year. I find staying at home gets tedious at times and am really craving some different stimulation.

TBH, I'm fairly honest about how I feel about the whole thing. I don't think you do anyone any favours by misleading them. When I teach BF, I always tell them its a bit of a shock to discover after the pain of birth that something so seemingly natural could hurt soo much! But to be honest, teaching at ante natal level about breastfeeding is bloody hard cos all they are focused on is getting baby out and birth plans. I wish more mums would have a feeding plan, too!! I think it would help the transition to FF be alot easier if ther ewas already a planin place for just in case.

So, Ill have a go anyway.

TTC -#1 was a shock and with #2 I had to be bribed to get pregnant again, and it only took one cycle.

Pregnancy - well with #1 it was a complete and utter surprise and I was in shock for the entire trip. and I HATED it. Morning sickness, pre eclampsia, BFF had a stillborn, so hyper hyper aware of what can go wrong. Unpleasnt experience.With the next pregnancy I was sick for the entire 42 weeks. Well, I was sick for 39, I found out I was PG at about 3 weeks when the sickness started. Revolting and the reason why there will be no more. I was very very open about how much I hated it.

Birth - #1 was awful, painful and a complete shock to the system. Bad grazing and stiches. I was so traumatised by it all I ahd to tell anyone who even looked at me about it. Yep, i was THAT woman. *cringe* #2 was easy peasy. Painful but no where near as bad or as long. I actually liked it. And tell everyone that too!

Breastfeeding - hard, painful and emotional. Well its a no brainer cos its my job, so yep am always honest about this. TBH I feed as long as I did with #2 becasue I was too lazy to wean, but really enjoyed the freedom I had when I weaned her.

SAHM. Well I think if you don't know my views on how I find this by now, you have been living under a rock!!! And yes, I am honest about that too. However I do understand and appreciate that others feel differently and I will always aknowledge this . I do lie about how bloody bored I feel though because that makes me feel like a bad mommy when I admit how bloody boring and repetitve and mind numbing it can be., and others are VERY quick to judge.
I also always lie when others say Oh but you wouldn't be without them now, though would you? (as I never planned on having kids and seriously considered not going through with the first pregnancy) because often, I think, if i had my time again, I would still choose to be childless.

That said, I love my elves more than I ever expected to and can't believe how much they have enriched my life and being and would kill for them.

I lie about the sleep thing because others seem to judge you if your baby isn't sleeping through at 3 months. My eldest didn't sleep through til he was almost 4 and often still dosen't.

I lie about not being tired because I am always tired but it seems rude to be tired when I don't have a new born.

I think that about covers it. I have to say, I think people lie about their experiences because there is so much "societal" pressure, and to feel differently about soemthing automatically seems to mean you are a bad parent. I seem to recall my integrity as a person being called into question a few weeks back for my strong feelings and that hurt alot, it was as if somehow, that because I didn't think that for me being a SAHM is that hard, that I was somehow an awful person and probably a bad mother too. Thats the reason why Mums lie!

Oh and I think that having also helped to bring up a teenager is the reason why I probably think its not so hard with small one,s cos beleive you me, if you think littlies are hard, best get your big girl pants on for teenagers!!! AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!!

Edited by fattartsrock

I hated pregnancy and feel really bad about that because I ttc for four years before getting pregnant. I had so much pressure to enjoy it after what I went through, but it was horrible. I had hyperemesis the entire pregnancy. In and out of hospital on drips and lost a lot of weight because everything - and I mean everything - disagreed with me.

I hate when people ask if I have a good baby! How can a baby be bad.   They are all just different. I always answer yes, no matter how crap our day may have been.
I also have felt that I needed to say my baby slept through when I was asked back when she wasn't. On the odd occasion I said no she doesn't, I would get comments from other mother's like oh well mine does and that their baby is a good baby - WTF! What is that meant to mean I have a bad baby!!!

I generally tell it like it is - I've been quite open about not being cut out to be a fulltime SAHM - I really did find it tedious and boring and not much fun and we've all been much happier this year with me studying and Nat being in care fulltime (even though I do still feel the guilts!)

The one thing I did lie about, mainly by omission was during our hideous patch from 5 months to 8/9 months when Nat had undiagnosed food allergies and even the doctors didn't believe me Nat would sleep for maybe 2 hours in her bed, and then would spend the entire rest of the night sleeping on one of us on the couch (as otherwise she would wake every 20mins or so and need resettling) - every night for months And although I did let people know she wasn't sleeping great, I felt I had to cover up just how bad it was because I thought everyone would judge me for being a bad Mummy and 'enabling' her in those bad sleeping habits (as the doctors suggested to me ).

Amazing that we almost all experience things with our children that don't fit into societal 'norms', and yet there is still this (possibly imaginary) pressure to be doing everything the 'right' way!

I don't tend to lie about it too much, other than when I was pg with #2 I didn't let on to DH about anything as he wasn't in a mind-space to listen to it. That sucked.

I hated trying to get pg because it was useless most of the time until we got the drugs and feeling like a failure each cycle, I hated being pg and people treating you like you're just an incubator and saying everything you're going through is simply because of hormones, my first birth was dealt with badly by the 'professionals' so I hated that, loved my 2nd birth, other than it being incredibly long. It hurt like a mofo but it was good pain.

I don't enjoy being a SAHM so have always worked part time (and to bring in money to survive also), and then went back full time when #2 was 5 months. Like Annie I find it mind-numbing and tedious. I thought for a while I should lie and say how I missed my kids so much but TBH unless they are having a bad trot, I don't think about them til I pick them up. That doesn't make me a bad parent, that makes me a balanced adult.

I'm only part of the way through, but the only real lying I have done is about TTC, mostly because I didn't want people to know we were trying. Especially not after it took a lot longer than we wanted it to, I can't stand being pitied. But should anyone ask now, I'd happily tell them it was gut-wrenching and painful and I wouldn't wish infertility on anyone (except those people who abuse their babies ). I remember back to how much it hurt and feel so, so glad we conceived our wee boy.

I'm honestly having a ball being pregnant. I mean, I wouldn't want to be pregnant forever - the fun is in the fact that it's a new experience with a great end result. I get a bit frustrated when people assume that because I'm enjoying it I haven't had MS / get good nights sleep, etc. Those bits are no fun at all - but walking down the street seeing this pregnant lady's reflection in the window and realising it's me is!

In saying that, whenever I'm asked how I'm doing, I do say great, and don't mention the fact my hips hurt and my back's killing me (unless it's a good friend that asks). That's not really because I want to give people the wrong impression of pregnancy, but mostly because I figure they're only asking as a social nicety and I don't want to whinge. And also overall things ARE great. But I guess it could give that impression...

I do suspect I'll feel a bit more of a need to 'fit in' once Bubs is born... I hate the thought of feeling like you have to explain every decision you make to every random that asks. I can really imagine just leaving out the bits you don't feel like making a fuss over.

Wow! You guys are amazing and it's so interesting reading your thoughts. I guess in my OP I probably meant 'by ommision' mainly when I referred to lying. I just wonder would motherhood be easier for those who are yet to concieve (and us had we known!) if they/we *knew* the 'real' difficulties involved with being a SAHM. Would it had put us off or prepared us mentally for it? I don't think it's about going into gory details of how many stitches you had but more about how difficult it can be to stay at home or raise a baby etc. Society (IMO) portrays motherhood in such a certain way that we think it'll mainly be fun and love and caring for an adorable baby who sleeps through the night at an early age..etc etc. The reality can then hit us very differently.

Anyway, the topic is fascinating and it's awesome to see how many of you Mums can be so honest

I don't lie about things, I tell it like it is exactly, but I let others know it isn't always like that for everyone.

I guess sometimes I do leave some details out, generally motherhood is everything I thought it would be, BUT the last couple of months I have felt 'off' so I have lied about that and tried to cover it up, some days are better than others, lets leave it at that!

You mentioned above about how society portrays motherhood, I knew that's what they wanted you to believe but I knew it wasn't going to be like that, so never got disappointed.

Pregnancy I saw mothers wishing their baby out, I thought what if I never get another chance at this, so loved my pregnancy, told all my friends my due date was 42 weeks rather than 40 weeks and even made myself believe it so I wouldn't be annoyed going over due - never pictured her coming early though!

I lied through my pregnancy though, there were times when it hurt and I learned from very on to keep it to myself as you can get all sorts of comments like 'it's meant to', 'it won't last forever' and 'so you aren't enjoying it?' etc.

My birth was fantastic, as was breast feeding, couldn't have asked for it to be any better!

TTC, we weren't actively trying to conceive, being 18 when it happened, we had already been together 2.5 years and knew one day it might happen, just happened a lot sooner than planned, though that said it still took about a year. I guess I thought about it, but never really did iygwim.

Raising Lily, I tell people it's great, fun, coolest thing ever and 99% of the time it is! But there are times when there is something wrong and I don't know what it is or how to fix it and no one else does either.