Nope still not over it... rant

It's 1 year today and I'm still not over the miscarriage. It seems that since the m/c my life has been one disaster after another.

I got hospitalized for a bad infection post m/c.

The ex lost his job so I put on hold my plans for re-training.

Then the ex gets a job in Melbourne which is when he announces that he is moving in with a woman that has been seening for the past 18 months behind my back. He tells me this AFTER I quit my job and then hours later he has this woman going through my house moving out his stuff. She even went through all my personal belongings including my educational and medical records.

In an instant I lost my home and my family and I was weeks away from being unemployed.

To add insult to serious injury I found out through his ex that he has been all over the internet advertising to be a sperm donor including Natural Insemination which just makes my skin crawl. He saw how the miscarriage broke my heart but he's running around impregnanting women. Who does that sort of sh*t?

But of all the sh*tty things that have happened (And there have been many) the one that I wish hadn't happened was the M/C.

I've spent the day wandering the streets of Toronto in tears about the last year and feeling like my life is never going to get better.

I hate that I'm about to leave for New York, one of the most fabulous places on the planet, and I feel like utter sh*t. I keep re-playing all the horrible things he said, that it was my fault that I miscarried, that I won't find anyone better than him. I keep thinking about how the two them were together when I was alone in melbourne estatic that I had lost my baby.

I keep wondering when the pain will go away sometimes its just so all-consuming and I want to be that happy, goofy woman I was before all this went down.

Lots more big huge hugs

I'm sorry for the year you've had, you've certainly had alot to deal with and it's no wonder you feel like you do.

I hope that when you get to NY you have some fun and some 'you time'.

Like Freckle said - there's no way you can listen to your ex, there's no way you caused your mc.

There's a fantastic guy out there for you who will treat you how you deserve to be treated and who'll make a much better daddy than he would have.

I hope that you are doing lots of nice things for yourself, and if you haven't tried counseling perhaps you could look into it if it's something that interests you. I've found since I've been talking to someone that I'm starting to feel better, however, 5 months on I still cry every day so I understand how you feel



xx

OMG what I want to call your ex I just cannot put on here what a ****** ****** ****** **** *******.
You have been through alot over the past year and I think you are being to hard on yourself expecting to be "over" your MC by now.
Be kind to yourself and I really am hoping things start to pick up for you again soon.

Hugs hun, I am so very sorry all this crap has landed on you this past year!

you are well rid of that piece of poo!

As the others have said, it was NOT your fault and it wouldnt be hard to find a better guy than that loser!!!!!

Thinking of you!

Oh hun - you've had just the worst time!
Your ex sounds like an ass (and a few other choice words that I'm sure would be removed if I typed them)
You are overdue for some joy in your life - I hope once things settle down a bit you get a massive dose of happiness.
HUGS

I've been wondering about you lemongirl, and how you were doing. Your name seemed to suit you at the time - the world was certainly throwing enough of them at you.

Firstly, huge on your anniversary.

Second, as for your ex saying you will never get better than him....quite frankly with the way he has acted, it won't be hard to get 100x better than him.

I hope that you manage to find some peace and happiness, be it in NY or elsewhere. God knows you deserve it after everything.

Wow LG, I cant believe its been a year, I remember your first thread
And I agree with everyone else, your ex is a total ass, you are totally not to blame, and life is so totally sh*t sometimes!
I hope the martinis are lovely (gosh isnt NY HOT this time of year?) and you can put the sh*tty ex behind you and find a much nicer guy soon