Appropriate Contact

So,

Do you think it is fair for a 3 year old to spend alternating nights at her parents. One night with dad, one night with mum and so forth.

I don't. I have just got a lawyer and i am wondering, do the courts see this as acceptable? It would kill my little girl. She is very sensitive.

He is asking for me to change my shifts at work to enable me to drop her off to him at 3pm. He spend 3.5 hours with her and put her to bed, i pick her up at 8am (means i have to change my shifts at work here to) on Mon Wed and Fri.

I cannot see this as acceptable, currently and has just ceased, he was coming to my house 3 nights a weed for 1.5 hours (because he never turned up on time once) and it was doing more damage than good.

I am scared the court will accept this and my daughter will suffer even more.

no. i don't see it as okay. maybe if she was older, but kids need routine - that sounds like it would stuff her up...hey, it would stuff ME up!

Would you be able to write down your concerns about this, rather than having to say it? just if you get nervous, might be easier.

i can't see the courts as seeing this as reasonable   - unless they are insane...and generally they tend not to be.

HUGS!

Thank god! I have been in tears all day freaking out that they would say yes to that and my wee girl suffers. She is a very very sensitive girl.

I am writing everything down now.

ETA: Apparently i have to make all the compromises because this is all my fault!

Edited by LittleMiss

Hi

I have done some Family Court work (although not for ages) but I can say with some certainty that in the Family Court, the interests of the child are paramount - not those of either parent.

The Court will do whatever is in the child's best interests - so if an arrangement like that was working for the child then they would do it. They decide this by hearing evidence - you and the father would probably file affidavits saying what you thought was in your daughter's best interests and why, and you could also file affidavits from anyone else who was in a position to comment (eg other relatives or caregivers).   The Judge may ask a social worker or psychologist to talk to your daughter, or may interview her himself (not as scary as it sounds, don't worry).

That sounds negative but it shouldn't do - I can't imagine that such an arrangement would in fact be in the child's best interests, especially at such a young age, for the reasons others have mentioned above. The father would be hard pressed to persuade a Judge otherwise.

Your lawyer will be able to give you an idea of how strong the father's case is once he/she sees the evidence. You might find that the father's lawyer (if he has one) will actually tell him that what he is proposing is hopeless and he ends up asking for something more reasonable, which could be agreed without going to Court at all.

In the meantime, don't do anything to prejudice your case in case it does end up in Court. If there is an agreement in place already, you really should abide by it as much as you can, unless it is clearly having a negative affect on your child. If so you need to record this, collect evidence of it if possible and get your lawyer to tell the father (or his lawyer) exactly why you are going to breach the agreement/order and why - you want to be whiter than white if you have to go to Court.

If there is already a Court order in place which you want to get amended, you need to get your lawyer to make an urgent application to the Court for variation of the order asap. Breaching an order is a criminal offence and you don't want to have to deal with that on top of everything else.

Best of luck and hope all goes well.

P :)

ETA to change Dad to lawyer!!

Edited by pumpkino

Awww, is he taking you to Court or you're just anticipating that?

In Family Court, any time a child is involved they get their own lawyer appointed and that lawyer will talk to both of you and give suggestions for the way forward to the Court. Courts seem to prefer alternate weekends, or if 50/50 split it's often done week-about or 3 to 4 day-about. His proposal sounds alright if just once or twice a week but I think it's unsettling as well. Whatever is eventually decided, yea it may take her a little while to get into the swing of it but if you stay positive about it as best you can, that will help her settle into the routine quickly and things will move on.