Really need advice plese.

Ok..so beware this will be a long post, sorry

My mum and my step dad have just ended their marriage of 14 or so years. I have never really been close to my step dad but have known him for a very long time. About 7 months ago out of the blue my step dad tried to commit suicide, no one was even aware he had severe depression, at that stage my mum was staying with us as she was having a break away and i tried texting my stepdad telling him to come around and work it out with her, well that's when he texted me saying "Help" we got to where he was and called the amberlance, me, my partner, mum and her friend saw it, he had overdosed on his artheritis pills, about 600 of them, at that stage i was overdue with bubs and he was on life support but a week later he came right, the doctors were amazed he survived. Anyway my mum said aslong as he was willing to try at their relationship she would give it another go, well he did for about two weeks. He did intend to commit suicide but said that when he red my text he couldnt go through with it because of what it would do to me. He didnt really make an effort to go to any of his psych appointments after the first 2 and then once he got given some antidipressents he didnt take them either. He didnt want to help the marriage and didnt really care how he hurt my mum. He had completly changed but the doctors did say that it might be because he had taken so many pills at once and they were bad ones. Now my mum has ended it and i offered her to come and stay with us for abit as we are all she has really got, but now even tho im angry at my stepdad for not trying and it is all his fault mainly i am still feeling sorry for him, sorry that he has to live alone and try and pay for everything. I dont know why i feel this way because he didnt want to help himself, im after some advice, i really need it, i just keep feeling sorry for him but i cant really tell my mum or when i go and visit him as she is trying her hardest to get through the break-up. I do want to keep in contact with him also.

Sorry for the long post but i am in real need of some advice please..

jaz wrote: Sorry to hear your family is going through this, I guess they both have to work through this the best way they can. Support your Mum, keep in touch with your S/D if that is what you want to do, but urge him to get professional help, and most important take care of yourself.

agree,and remember as much as you feel sorry for him,he is a grown man and has made these choices,try not to feel too responsible for him

sorry to hear about your family.

Jaz gave the best advice. I have stayed in contact with my father's ex partner even though he is married again and he understands why. Just try to support your mother and when you do have contact with your S/D support and encourage him to help himself as well.

Hard situation. Sometimes people with sever depression can't see a way out of things and can't see they need help.

I agree with everyone else as well. Don't try to take this on yourself, if he's unwilling to help himself (even if he says he is) then there's certainly nothing you can do to help him. I don't doubt he needs help & don't mean to sound harsh but don't think it's up to you to do it. Hoping things improve for everyone in your situation, take care of yourself & you sound like you're doing an awesome job supporting your mum.

I could be totally wrong but I have to disagree with what's been said so far....I have had depression and when you feel like that, it's a vicious cycle - this will be hard to explain, and difficult for anyone who has not been there to understand, but although you desperately want to feel normal again, it's almost like you find comfort in not trying to get better. This is really hard to explain! It's like, wallowing in the self pity and depressive feelings is so much easier and you kind of want to just do that, because it's all you know, and anything else feels too hard. I really hope i'm making sense here...

ETA: I also can tell you that when I was depressed, although I knew that somewhere deep down I did love my husband very very much, i could honestly say that I FELT absolutly nothing for him. At the time, if he had wanted to get a divorce I wouldn't have cared. Understand that I did still love him very much, and had fleeting moments of feeling that again, but most of the time I just didn't care about him, myself, or anyone else. I wanted to leave and run away and sit in a dark house somewhere all on my own. So I can understand what your stepdad is going through when you say he doesn't seem to care about your mum or their marriage. It's an awful feeling.

Edited by MuppetsMama

Yip agree with muppetsmama as well....my DH has depression and some of the things he did before he was on meds were pretty crappy and there have been times I have wondered what the heck I was doing with him. But he finally realised he was ruining his life and got himself to the Drs. And I wouldn't be without him, he is worth it.

It is a real shame that depressed people have to figure it out for themselves because it can be really hard for them to even see what is happening. The only thing you can really do is keep in touch and let them know you care.

And yip, they can seem self absorbed and selfish but at the end of the day, they can no more help having depression than a person can help having diabetes...I guess the difference is that a person who has diabetes is in a better head space to control it.

Thank you so much for all this advice guys, it has really helped and given me an inside into depression that i didnt know alot of, thank you very much

Thank u very much Shezzey