toddler refusing to dress

Hi everyone
Anybody had experience of this or can think of ways to deal with it? Our 21 mth old girl refuses to get dressed in the morning. Full on tantrums if we force her to put something on (although she's fine shortly afterwards).

She'd quite happily leave her PJs on all day which is fine if we're at home! But not to go out.

We've tried giving her a few things we've picked out and asking her to choose - like choose one of two tshirts, one of two pairs of pants, etc. Doesn't help. She doesn't want anything on AT ALL - even if we offer some of her favourite items of clothing, she still doesn't want it. She'll like a picture on a tshirt or something, but that don't mean she wants it on! Just wants to look at it.

Yesterday after she got up from her sleep she ended up spending the afternoon wandering around (even outside) in her PJ top and nappy! It was cold and rainy, but she was happy as larry. Managed to get a cardy on her eventually.

Age and stage? Trying to take control? will pass? Trying to over-dress her and she's too hot?

ETA: it's not just in the morning actually - it's everytime, after her sleep, after a bath...

Edited by lisame

Our DS did this as well, I just made dressing into a game - made it fun for him like when his head is popping coming up through the top "oooh where is Harry, pop there he is". Got him to help as well - where does Harrys legs go? Not here thats arm holes. Takes a little longer to dress him than it should but he loves it and thoroughly enjoys getting dressed now and loves to help.

Good luck :)

hmm. an interesting range of replies!
Arohanui: I don't think time out will work with this one. She will be QUITE happy to stay put in her room in her PJs and read books or play with toys. I've tried the 'logic' thing with her shoes - you've got to put shoes on before you can go outside, she loves going outside, but no way, no shoes without screaming.
Hadlam: I'll try. I feel like we have been trying, but maybe not enough. Getting dressed used to be fun. Not anymore.
Bizzy: mostly, I tend to think you're right at the end of the day. get it done and put up with it while it lasts. :-( I feel a bit like if she protests and we say 'oh, ok then, have it your way' this will then extend to anything else she decides she doesn't want to do...?

ETA: tomorrow morning I'm going to have clothes already out and they'll be ON straight after nappy. No choices. We'll see how that goes.

ETA again: but arohanui, after reading your post again, we'll do that too - talk to her while we're doing it, keep reminding her that once she's dressed she can go out to the lounge and pick out a book to read with me.

Edited by lisame

yeah, I was going to say 'yell' at her while she's getting dressed rather than 'talk', but it doesn't sound too pleasant!
We always talk to her while getting dressed - as in, arms in, over your head, etc. But it's just not making any difference.
She wasn't too bad this morning. Only a brief screaming session then it was all over. Will persevere.

Sorry to hear about this! Perhaps she's cold? Has it just started recently, or going on for quite a while?
DS (3) started packing tanty's about getting changed for quite a while, often because it wasn't what HE wanted to do, but usually because he was cold when he was naked. We get changed in front of the heater (and TV!) in the mornings now, with clothes that have either been in front of the heater or in the hot water cupboard, and he's a lot more willing.

Could well be exerting control though :s


Good luck :)

Just a phase. My niece is like it the minute you try to dress her. My son went through a phase like that. He's almost 3 now, and sometimes I still can't "change" him. End up giving up and just putting a jersey over the top of his pjama shirt. I call it picking my battles lol

Ooooh I remember going this with my girl sometime between 1-2, can't remember when exactly though. I ended up just getting it over and done with as quickly as possible as giving her choice didn't even remotely interest her and distracting her wasn't possible as she REALLY didn't want to get dressed. It was worse when it was clothes that hadn't been worn for awhile too, maybe a security thing? Who knows. Was just a (rather long) phase though but it passed.

I was a bit hard with some things, for instance in summer if she took her sunhat off I'd take her inside if it didn't go back on. And same for winter, insisted on a warm hat/jacket or back inside. It only worked because going outside was something she wanted to do and if I was consistent doing it everytime (even if it wasn't strictly needed) then she got the message.

My 20month old is the same..tears and tantrums at the mere mention of getting dressed. To be honest, I have gone with the just do it and get it over with option. I ask her to come and get dressed first, then tell her and explain that to go outside we need to get dressed and then if she still refuses to come anywhere near me, I tell her that i will count to 3 and then I will come and get her. Usually she watches me count to 3 (or helps..lol) and then I have to go and get her, bring her to where we get dressed and then just dress her. Once we start dressing her, she usually calms down but is still not happy about it!

i figure eventually she will get over it and until then it is just one of those necessary evils that mummy has to inflict upon her :-)

My daughter went through this phase too - but only with certain items of clothing (tights and denim and some skirts) so we had it some days and not others. In the end my approach (after trying some of the options to above, and dressing her in lots of trackies!) was similar to SophieD's (ask, tell, warn and count to 3).... except the end was not "just doing it" but she went into her room until she was ready to get dressed nicely. I would go in every minute or so and ask if she was ready to come and get dressed nicely - if she wasn't ready she stayed - if she was she came out and got dressed with no fuss (fuss meant back in the room). It took a few days but after that we had no more drama getting dressed.

She started dressing herself around the time she turned two ... and at almost 3 can even do buttons now ... so that phase is a distant memory! lol

this exact same thing is happening to us at the moment, we too are getting her dressed in her bedroom first thing, so it's not interrupting play, major dramas in our house at the moment, my DH & I feel your pain!