Hi Dorothy, can I please have the notes on being able to settle our baby without feeding her to sleep. Especially any tips for afternoon naps. Many thanks Ella, green top
Hi Dorothy, thank you for today. Also thanks to the lovely mums who gave me support at the end too. A bit scary trusting yourself to do the right thing when you've never done this before! Also good to hear the questions from mums with older bubs, get a taste of what to expect.
On your q & a on Sat, you mentioned you had some notes on settling. I was wondering if you could post these. I think Ive got the basics down, but it will be good for addressing any gaps and It''ll be great for my husband to read these so we are on the same page.
Hi Dorothy. I have been trying your techniques for 2 nights and 2 day sleeps and things have got so much worse. My daughter is 6mths and I could not do the engulfing hold (too big, heavy, not sure didn't work had lots of screaming) so I did my version which is an upright hold with my check pressed against hers and patting her bum/lower back. Then leaning over cot, one arm holding and the other patting, and this seemed to make things worse.
She has been having 2x 35min day sleeps, bed at 8pm and 3 wakes at night approx 10.30pm (left & resettles herself normally 10min or I give in and feed) and 1am, 4am when I feed her, up for the day 7am usually. At approx 4mths she was waking every 2hrs and I was feeding every time but I left her to cry and within a couple of nights she was suddenly sleeping longer. Should I go back to this technique to drop to one feed/wake per night? She has been awake/crying 5x first night aprox 25min per time and 2nd night, 3x but 1-2hrs a time. This is much more than it ever has been and as a last resort I tried to feed her to sleep (my old strategy) which didn't work as she was too wound up. I think I might be confusing her now that I am picking her up to sooth her. Also I have never patted her in bed and this seems to have the opposite effect to what it should.
She is fully breasted and we have just started solids.
I was tired but now I am utterly exhausted/sore and hit my breaking point at the early hours this morning. Feel like I have introduced a strategy that is not working but I don't know how long to give it as I don't want to chop & change strategies, she needs consistency. Please help as I am now more lost than before. Sarah
Thanks for the great session the other day, it was great to hear your suggestions and it certainly provided much food for thought!
You mentioned that you usually were able to get children under your care to sleep through within 16 weeks (I think?!) - I wondered if you could share your strategies for this? Is this purely with settling techniques or does it also include night feeds. I had lots of problems following our late night feeds/first morning feed at around 4am, it always resulted in lots of crying and both girls stayed up for an average of two hours after this feed due to being so unsettled, therefore it was the first feed that we dropped over night - I am very keen to hear about your overnight routine especially if it doesn't incorporate a feed around this time!!
Any advice (for potential future babies ;-) ) would be much appreciated. Kind regards, Lizz
Thought I would drop you a quick note as your little one sounds VERY much like my youngest and it is SO tough!! If you want to chat things over and maybe share some strategies or hear ours please just flick me an email and we could catch up. lizz.carrington@mac.com
HI Sarah Before starting anything you need to look at her daytime routine before venturing into the night time stuff. Before dropping feeds at night we need to ensure she is getting what she needs during the day. I would like to call you and hoping you pick this up this evening.
I have attached my notes on introducing solids, and vegetables and also two charts for 5 to 8 months so you can see where you are going with feeds.
To change the night time I would have been doing a routine something like this
Wakes, feeds, plays, feeds, nap Wake time approx 2 to 2 1/2 hours Naps approx 1 1/2 hours if she wakes before this resettle (this is when I would have spent the time rather than just over night)
Also whenever you try and change things the first 3 to 4 days is tough and then it does settle down, however I wouldnt recommend continuing the nighttime stuff until we talk.
Please call me 021 1432 122 or text me and I will call you back I am free until 830pm this evening or tomorrow.
HI Ella Now if i remember rightly you needed the self settling and resettling notes for 0 to 12 weeks - is this correct. I cannot remember how old your baby is but the tips for afternoon naps is having her awake times during the day approximately the same and her nap times a minimum of 1 1/2 hours. Also I offer my breast fed babies a top up 15 minutes (approx) before going down for their naps. This ensures their tummies are full rather than trying to get a baby to have a nap when they are actually hungry.
ROUTINE (RHYTHM) – UP TO 12 WEEKS your baby’s current rhythm is an awake-time of approximately 45 minutes to a maximum of 1-½ hours. By the time she is 12 weeks old she will be awake for approximately 1½ hours and then by 6 months approximately 2 hours, maybe longer. Some 6-month-old babies can stretch out to 2½ to 3 hours – this all depends on the individual baby and also how she is feeding.
your baby’s naptime currently is approximately 1½ hours but can be longer. It is your baby’s sleep rhythm that indicates how often she feeds because once she is awake then it is feed time. As a baby grows they can learn to wait for food; however, a baby under 12 weeks needs food within a few minutes of waking. Babies feed better once they have had a good sleep i.e. awake for 1¼ hours, napping for 1½ hours = feeding every 2¾ hours.
Swaddling This is your baby’s first sleep cue. Although she may not be too keen on some of the swaddling techniques you have tried, you may find that she will love the ‘snow angel’ swaddle (please refer to my website). This works for the majority of babies who find the other ways of swaddling uncomfortable.
Otherwise, if not swaddling, then I would recommend you use a sleeping bag as their first sleep cue.
SELF-SETTLING TOOLS • The ‘Engulf’ Hold • Cupping and patting • Shushing
The ‘Engulf’ Hold As its name suggests, this hold provides as much body contact as possible, giving your baby the sense of being completely contained as if in the womb.
It positions your baby in such a way that you can initiate other settling techniques simultaneously. In addition, it provides warmth, intimacy and the meditative beat of your heart.
Most mothers/fathers prefer using their dominant arm to support the baby’s body from underneath. Choose whichever side feels most natural to you.
Hold your baby so that her head is resting on the upper region of your non-dominant arm. For mothers, this ensures that their baby is not too close to their breast where she could be easily distracted by being close to their milk supply.
Draw your baby in close so that you are pressed tummy to tummy with her face nestled just below the top of your shoulder. Your palm will be on your baby’s bottom with her legs tucked up into your body and supported by your forearm.
With your non-dominant arm, reach around your baby’s shoulder and take hold of her arm to steady it, in other words to control the startle movement.
For this technique to be effective, there should be no eye contact or communication between you and your baby. Allow your own body to do the nurturing.
Cupping and Patting Cupping is a stronger action and is done with a cupped palm, incorporating both cupping and a short but gentle thrust forward of baby’s body.
Patting or cupping your baby’s bottom or lower body mimics your baby’s heartbeat and reassures your baby of your presence.
Patting is a rhythmic, firm and repetitive action done with your palm flat.
Both patting and cupping can be done in your arms or adapted for the cot.
Shushing Shushing is a long, low sound, resembling air being released from a tyre. It should be loud enough so that your baby can hear it over her crying. It is thought that babies respond to shushing because it is similar to the sound in the womb.
Dummies (optional) If you allow your baby to wind down before offering a dummy, it becomes a settling tool rather than a prop.
Props Babies do not need to be rocked or walked around the block to encourage them to sleep. While movement may seem an obvious method to help soothe a baby to sleep, it becomes the hardest habit to break and interferes with self-settling. It is an unnecessarily labour-intensive approach that often delivers little reward. Instead, imagine that your body takes the place of the cot in which your baby will eventually sleep independently; it makes sense that you remain stationary when settling her. All props, including music, white noise, movement that cannot be done in a cot, dummies (when given straight away to a baby) create bad habits and interfere with a baby’s ability to learn self-settling. SLEEP, SETTLING AND RESETTLING
“Allowing your baby to sleep in your arms is not a cop out. On the contrary, it instills a sense of security that makes them feel nurtured and ready for sleep”.
Sleep, Settling and Resettling in the First Twelve Weeks
Much of your baby’s first 3 months is spent establishing feeding and sleeping rhythms. Her digestive system is still maturing and her sleep patterns are still evolving.
In the first 12 weeks your aim is to teach your baby, in a nurturing way, how to settle and find sleep unaided and how to stay asleep.
How your baby’s sleep patterns evolve in the first 12 weeks will much depend on you and your household. Keep in mind that daytime rhythms will affect the night rhythms.
This routine is repeated throughout the day and night. With time, the amount of assistance with settling should decrease and eventually your baby will learn how to self-settle. Once your baby learns how to settle and resettle, she will eventually be able to sleep anywhere. You can’t spoil a baby at this age; they need lots of nurturing and reassurance. Teaching good sleep habits requires TIME, ACCEPTANCE, CONSISTENCY and TRANQUILITY (TACT). Self-Settling I believe one of the most important skills that parents can teach babies is that of self-settling. It teaches babies how to gain control over their emotional state and this in turn leads to them developing their emotional backbone as they grow. It does not happen overnight and needs to be taught in a nurturing way.
When you go to bed you read a book, meditate, watch TV, or chat with your partner – a baby can only do one thing and that is cry. There is nothing unhealthy about a baby crying before going to sleep. As a parent, it can be difficult to listen to but as long your baby is happy and contented generally, crying is just part of life. Remember you are not leaving her there to cry it out; you are leaving her there to give her the ability to find her own sleep. You will not get anywhere by leaving your baby to cry for hours. You will succeed quicker by giving her space and then helping her find her sleep.
Self-settling is the key to establishing healthy sleep patterns. It gently teaches babies how to find sleep naturally, without the use of sleep aids, props or interference.
It is that small window that occurs when your baby starts crying until the moment you intervene to help her find her sleep. This window initially may be for only a minute or two but as baby grows it increases until eventually she will be able to find sleep independently. It is a crucial step in Baby’s sleep development.
Self-settling does NOT involve leaving your baby to cry it out alone to finally fall asleep due to stress and exhaustion.
Resettling This is how to get your baby to sleep and to enable them to stay asleep.
Resettling teaches babies how to progress from light to heavy sleep. This is essential to avoid the pitfalls of frequent waking and catnapping. In a sense, resettling is the second stage of teaching baby how to find sleep and does demand more time and patience than settling (TACT).
Most babies stir or wake when progressing from light to heavy sleep and this occurs anywhere between 20-45 minutes. In the beginning the idea is not to let your baby wake fully during this transition; a sleepy baby is easier to resettle than a wide-awake, crying baby.
However, as she grows you will need to step back and allow your baby the ability to try and resettle without any intervention. When you do this you will use your settling cycles.
Generally a baby who does not learn how to resettle will have short sleep cycles and wake during the night without the ability to fall back asleep on her own. The aim of resettling is to ensure your baby sleeps for not less than 1½ hours per sleep rhythm.
Resettling and Feeding Many mothers opt for feeding as a way to resettle their baby. This is an example of what appears to be the easy way becoming the more difficult option, as the result is a sleep-deprived baby who is more problematic to settle. More often than not the baby is not hungry but is instead seeking comfort through sucking. They are feeding for comfort, not hunger. So instead of feeding, try offering a dummy or finger.
Settling in Arms or Cot Settling? Many mothers find settling in arms easier than cot settling and enjoy the contact and intimacy. I tend to refer to this as ‘attachment parenting’ or ‘4th trimester’. For some households cot settling is more practical.
Whether you choose to settle your baby in your arms or in the cot, it is vital that all babies begin their sleep cycle by being placed in their cot while still awake. This gives them the opportunity to familiarize themselves with what will soon become their primary sleeping place.
In the first 12 weeks, whichever you choose, it is important that when your baby cries you respond immediately. At this young age, do not let her cry herself to sleep alone. It is not healthy for a young baby.
• Place baby in her cot while still awake.
• Leave the room – dump and run, and don't hover like a helicopter.
• When baby cries, respond immediately by going in to her room (this may be immediately or can take up to a minute)
You then have the following options based upon whether you choose to settle your baby in your arms or in a cot:
Settling in Arms Pick baby up and remain calm while still allowing your body and mind to nurture your baby. Think of this as your body being their bed.
Sit down in a quiet place and ‘ride the storm’.
Initially, hold your baby in the Engulf Hold. There should be no rocking, cupping/patting, shushing, talking or eye contact.
The following times are guidelines it will depend on how baby responds and your choices. Allow her to cry in your arms from 2 to 5 minutes; sometimes you may need to do it for longer.
your baby’s cry may escalate for a few minutes then taper off or could stop and start like a car engine. Remember it is just her way of de-stressing and winding down.
your baby may cry, then settle herself and fall asleep. If baby continues to cry then intervene with cupping and shushing, and if necessary offer a dummy. If your baby continues to cry then stop the cupping and shushing and allow her to cry for up to 5 minutes and then intervene with the cupping and shushing. You should repeat this until you can actually calm her down and help her find his sleep.
The time frames given are only guidelines and in the beginning you will probably not do more than a minute – but over time you will increase the time frame as your baby grows.
As your baby drifts off to sleep, replace the cupping and shushing with patting until she is asleep. Remember this is her ‘light’ sleep.
Resettling in arms If your baby stirs, start cupping and shushing until she returns to sleep. It is possible that during the light sleep phase that your baby will alternate between sleep and stirring before eventually moving to a deep sleep cycle. Once asleep, switch to gentle patting and shushing. By now an hour may have passed.
You may choose to let your baby sleep the entire nap in your arms. Alternatively you may transfer her to her cot once she has progressed from light to deep sleep. This takes approximately 1-¼ hours of holding your baby.
If you choose to transfer your baby to her cot at this stage then continue to pat her bottom during the transition. Once baby is in the cot then place your other hand firmly on her chest, providing as much connection as possible. This is what I call “engulfing in the cot”.
Slowly remove your hand from your baby’s chest and reduce your patting to the point that you eventually withdraw your hand to end up patting the air, then leave the room.
If your baby wakes, repeat the process and stay with her until she returns to sleep.
Settling Your your baby in the Cot Allow your baby to cry from 1 to 5 minutes depending on what you choose to do before intervening. Pick her up and burp her.
Return baby to her cot and place your hand firmly on her chest. With your other hand start cupping and shushing. This is reassuring for your baby and establishes as much contact as possible without having to hold her. This is called engulfing in the cot. At this stage you can offer her a dummy as well.
Continue cupping and shushing until baby falls asleep then gently roll her onto her back, continuing to pat with your hand on her chest.
Once you sense that your baby is asleep, remove your hand from her chest and lighten the patting until eventually you can withdraw your hand, continuing to pat, as if patting the air.
If your baby stays asleep, leave the room promptly and quietly.
If, as you exit, your baby stirs or you hear her crying once you have left the room, return and repeat the process.
If baby does not settle, you may choose to pick her up and settle in your arms (see above).
Resettling in the cot In the beginning it is important to respond immediately when your baby begins to stir as it is easier to resettle a baby before she wakes too much. Eventually you will need to step back and allow her the ability to do this on her own.
Respond by cupping and shushing until your baby falls asleep again, continuing to pat on her chest with your hand. Offer her a dummy as well.
Once you sense that your baby is asleep, remove your hand from her chest and lighten the patting until eventually you can withdraw your hand, continuing to pat, as if patting the air.
If your baby stays asleep, leave the room promptly and quietly.
If, as you exit, your baby stirs or you hear her crying once you have left the room, return and repeat the process.
If your baby does not settle, you may choose to pick her up and settle her in your arms (see above).
Mixing it Up Some mothers find it easier to practice cot sleeping in the mornings when they have more energy and opt for settling their babies in their arms in the afternoon.
Settling Cycle for babies under 12 weeks in a cot First Stage Cry 0 up to 5 minutes Comfort – cupping and shushing and patting and shushing. Offer a dummy and stay with your baby until she goes to sleep
Next Stage Cry 0 to 5 minutes Comfort – cupping and shushing and patting and shushing. This is to reassure and not to put baby to sleep.
Cry 1 to 5 minutes Comfort – cupping and shushing and patting and shushing. Offer a dummy and stay with baby until she goes to sleep.
Getting Up When you go to pick your baby up from her cot whether it is after a nap or in the mornings, open up the room before picking baby up. This encourages baby to play or lie in her cot; she will also learn that when you walk into the room you are not going to pick her up straight away. I always chat to my babies when I go in, while opening up the room. I also use this time to put away clothes etc.
This is a way of teaching your baby how to feel secure in her own space and your presence and soothing voice signals to her that she is safe without you having to scoop her up in your arms.
Settling Your Baby after 12 weeks Twelve weeks marks the end of the 4th trimester and is an ideal time for most babies to begin spending the majority of their sleeping hours in a cot. This is often their first major step in recognising themselves as individuals who are separate from their mothers. It is especially important that this transition is carried out with consistency, tenderness and patience. This step I refer to as nurturing within boundaries. Note: The suggested routine above is only intended as a guide and should be used as such. Remember YOU are your baby’s mum so listen to your heart and your instincts. No, we don’t all do it by the book, or get it right the first time – you need to make ‘mistakes’ to get it right for you. It’s a time of learning a little person’s personality and figuring out what works for your home life.
Hi Amanda and Henry Thank you so much for sharing Henry with me - he is an absolute delight.
ROUTINE (RHYTHM) – UP TO 12 WEEKS Henry’s current rhythm is an awake-time of approximately 45 minutes to a maximum of 1-½ hours. By the time he is 12 weeks old he will be awake for approximately 1½ hours and then by 6 months approximately 2 hours, maybe longer. Some 6-month-old babies can stretch out to 2½ to 3 hours – this all depends on the individual baby and also how he is feeding.
Henry’s naptime currently is approximately 1½ hours but can be longer. It is Henry’s sleep rhythm that indicates how often he feeds because once he is awake then it is feed time. As a baby grows they can learn to wait for food; however, a baby under 12 weeks needs food within a few minutes of waking. Babies feed better once they have had a good sleep i.e. awake for 1¼ hours, napping for 1½ hours = feeding every 2¾ hours.
Swaddling This is your baby’s first sleep cue. Although he may not be too keen on some of the swaddling techniques you have tried, you may find that he will love the ‘snow angel’ swaddle (please refer to my website). This works for the majority of babies who find the other ways of swaddling uncomfortable.
Otherwise, if not swaddling, then I would recommend you use a sleeping bag as their first sleep cue.
SELF-SETTLING TOOLS • The ‘Engulf’ Hold • Cupping and patting • Shushing
The ‘Engulf’ Hold As its name suggests, this hold provides as much body contact as possible, giving your baby the sense of being completely contained as if in the womb.
It positions your baby in such a way that you can initiate other settling techniques simultaneously. In addition, it provides warmth, intimacy and the meditative beat of your heart.
Most mothers/fathers prefer using their dominant arm to support the baby’s body from underneath. Choose whichever side feels most natural to you.
Hold Henry so that his head is resting on the upper region of your non-dominant arm. For mothers, this ensures that their baby is not too close to their breast where he could be easily distracted by being close to their milk supply.
Draw Henry in close so that you are pressed tummy to tummy with his face nestled just below the top of your shoulder. Your palm will be on your baby’s bottom with his legs tucked up into your body and supported by your forearm.
With your non-dominant arm, reach around Henry’s shoulder and take hold of his arm to steady it, in other words to control the startle movement.
For this technique to be effective, there should be no eye contact or communication between you and your baby. Allow your own body to do the nurturing.
Cupping and Patting Cupping is a stronger action and is done with a cupped palm, incorporating both cupping and a short but gentle thrust forward of baby’s body.
Patting or cupping your baby’s bottom or lower body mimics your baby’s heartbeat and reassures Henry of your presence.
Patting is a rhythmic, firm and repetitive action done with your palm flat.
Both patting and cupping can be done in your arms or adapted for the cot.
Shushing Shushing is a long, low sound, resembling air being released from a tyre. It should be loud enough so that Henry can hear it over her crying. It is thought that babies respond to shushing because it is similar to the sound in the womb.
Dummies (optional) If you allow Henry to wind down before offering a dummy, it becomes a settling tool rather than a prop.
Props Babies do not need to be rocked or walked around the block to encourage them to sleep. While movement may seem an obvious method to help soothe a baby to sleep, it becomes the hardest habit to break and interferes with self-settling. It is an unnecessarily labour-intensive approach that often delivers little reward. Instead, imagine that your body takes the place of the cot in which baby will eventually sleep independently; it makes sense that you remain stationary when settling him. All props, including music, white noise, movement that cannot be done in a cot, dummies (when given straight away to a baby) create bad habits and interfere with a baby’s ability to learn self-settling. SLEEP, SETTLING AND RESETTLING
“Allowing your baby to sleep in your arms is not a cop out. On the contrary, it instills a sense of security that makes them feel nurtured and ready for sleep”.
Sleep, Settling and Resettling in the First Twelve Weeks
Much of Henry’s first 3 months is spent establishing feeding and sleeping rhythms. His digestive system is still maturing and his sleep patterns are still evolving.
In the first 12 weeks your aim is to teach Henry, in a nurturing way, how to settle and find sleep unaided and how to stay asleep.
How Henry’s sleep patterns evolve in the first 12 weeks will much depend on you and your household. Keep in mind that daytime rhythms will affect the night rhythms.
This routine is repeated throughout the day and night. With time, the amount of assistance with settling should decrease and eventually Henry will learn how to self-settle. Once Henry learns how to settle and resettle, he will eventually be able to sleep anywhere.
You can’t spoil a baby at this age; they need lots of nurturing and reassurance. Teaching good sleep habits requires TIME, ACCEPTANCE, CONSISTENCY and TRANQUILITY (TACT). Self-Settling I believe one of the most important skills that parents can teach babies is that of self-settling. It teaches babies how to gain control over their emotional state and this in turn leads to them developing their emotional backbone as they grow. It does not happen overnight and needs to be taught in a nurturing way.
When you go to bed you read a book, meditate, watch TV, or chat with your partner – a baby can only do one thing and that is cry. There is nothing unhealthy about a baby crying before going to sleep. As a parent, it can be difficult to listen to but as long your baby is happy and contented generally, crying is just part of life. Remember you are not leaving him there to cry it out; you are leaving him there to give him the ability to find his own sleep. You will not get anywhere by leaving your baby to cry for hours. You will succeed quicker by giving him space and then helping him find his sleep.
Self-settling is the key to establishing healthy sleep patterns. It gently teaches babies how to find sleep naturally, without the use of sleep aids, props or interference.
It is that small window that occurs when Henry starts crying until the moment you intervene to help him find his sleep. This window initially may be for only a minute or two but as baby grows it increases until eventually he will be able to find sleep independently. It is a crucial step in Baby’s sleep development.
Self-settling does NOT involve leaving your baby to cry it out alone to finally fall asleep due to stress and exhaustion.
Resettling This is how to get Henry to sleep and to enable them to stay asleep.
Resettling teaches babies how to progress from light to heavy sleep. This is essential to avoid the pitfalls of frequent waking and catnapping. In a sense, resettling is the second stage of teaching baby how to find sleep and does demand more time and patience than settling (TACT).
Most babies stir or wake when progressing from light to heavy sleep and this occurs anywhere between 20-45 minutes. In the beginning the idea is not to let Henry wake fully during this transition; a sleepy baby is easier to resettle than a wide-awake, crying baby.
However, as he grows you will need to step back and allow Henry the ability to try and resettle without any intervention. When you do this you will use your settling cycles.
Generally a baby who does not learn how to resettle will have short sleep cycles and wake during the night without the ability to fall back asleep on his own. The aim of resettling is to ensure Henry sleeps for not less than 1½ hours per sleep rhythm.
Resettling and Feeding Many mothers opt for feeding as a way to resettle their baby. This is an example of what appears to be the easy way becoming the more difficult option, as the result is a sleep-deprived baby who is more problematic to settle. More often than not the baby is not hungry but is instead seeking comfort through sucking. They are feeding for comfort, not hunger. So instead of feeding, try offering a dummy or finger.
Settling in Arms or Cot Settling? Many mothers find settling in arms easier than cot settling and enjoy the contact and intimacy. I tend to refer to this as ‘attachment parenting’ or ‘4th trimester’. For some households cot settling is more practical.
Whether you choose to settle your baby in your arms or in the cot, it is vital that all babies begin their sleep cycle by being placed in their cot while still awake. This gives them the opportunity to familiarize themselves with what will soon become their primary sleeping place.
In the first 12 weeks, whichever you choose, it is important that when Henry cries you respond immediately. At this young age, do not let him cry himselfself to sleep alone. It is not healthy for a young baby.
• Place Henry in his cot while still awake.
• Leave the room – dump and run, and don't hover like a helicopter.
• When Henry cries, respond immediately by going in to his room (this may be immediately or can take up to a minute)
You then have the following options based upon whether you choose to settle your baby in your arms or in a cot:
Settling in Arms Pick Henry up and remain calm while still allowing your body and mind to nurture your baby. Think of this as your body being their bed.
Sit down in a quiet place and ‘ride the storm’.
Initially, hold Henry in the Engulf Hold. There should be no rocking, cupping/patting, shushing, talking or eye contact.
The following times are guidelines it will depend on how baby responds and your choices. Allow him to cry in your arms from 2 to 5 minutes; sometimes you may need to do it for longer.
Henry’s cry may escalate for a few minutes then taper off or could stop and start like a car engine. Remember it is just his way of de-stressing and winding down.
Henry may cry, then settle himselfself and fall asleep. If baby continues to cry then intervene with cupping and shushing, and if necessary offer a dummy. If Henry continues to cry then stop the cupping and shushing and allow him to cry for up to 5 minutes and then intervene with the cupping and shushing. You should repeat this until you can actually calm him down and help him find his sleep.
The time frames given are only guidelines and in the beginning you will probably not do more than a minute – but over time you will increase the time frame as Henry grows.
As Henry drifts off to sleep, replace the cupping and shushing with patting until he is asleep. Remember this is his ‘light’ sleep.
Resettling in arms If Henry stirs, start cupping and shushing until he returns to sleep. It is possible that during the light sleep phase that Henry will alternate between sleep and stirring before eventually moving to a deep sleep cycle. Once asleep, switch to gentle patting and shushing. By now an hour may have passed.
You may choose to let Henry sleep the entire nap in your arms. Alternatively you may transfer him to him cot once he has progressed from light to deep sleep. This takes approximately 1-¼ hours of holding your baby.
If you choose to transfer Henry to his cot at this stage then continue to pat his bottom during the transition. Once baby is in the cot then place your other hand firmly on his chest, providing as much connection as possible. This is what I call “engulfing in the cot”.
Slowly remove your hand from Henry’s chest and reduce your patting to the point that you eventually withdraw your hand to end up patting the air, then leave the room.
If Henry wakes, repeat the process and stay with him until he returns to sleep.
Settling Your Henry in the Cot Allow Henry to cry from 1 to 5 minutes depending on what you choose to do before intervening. Pick him up and burp him.
Return baby to his cot and place your hand firmly on her /his chest. With your other hand start cupping and shushing. This is reassuring for your baby and establishes as much contact as possible without having to hold him. This is called engulfing in the cot. At this stage you can offer him a dummy as well.
Continue cupping and shushing until baby falls asleep then gently roll him onto her back, continuing to pat with your hand on his chest.
Once you sense that Henry is asleep, remove your hand from his chest and lighten the patting until eventually you can withdraw your hand, continuing to pat, as if patting the air.
If Henry stays asleep, leave the room promptly and quietly.
If, as you exit, Henry stirs or you hear him crying once you have left the room, return and repeat the process.
If baby does not settle, you may choose to pick him up and settle in your arms (see above).
Resettling in the cot In the beginning it is important to respond immediately when Henry begins to stir as it is easier to resettle a baby before he wakes too much. Eventually you will need to step back and allow him the ability to do this on his own.
Respond by cupping and shushing until Henry falls asleep again, continuing to pat on his chest with your hand. Offer him a dummy as well.
Once you sense that Henry is asleep, remove your hand from his chest and lighten the patting until eventually you can withdraw your hand, continuing to pat, as if patting the air.
If Henry stays asleep, leave the room promptly and quietly.
If, as you exit, Henry stirs or you hear herhim/ crying once you have left the room, return and repeat the process.
If Henry does not settle, you may choose to pick him up and settle him in your arms (see above).
Mixing it Up Some mothers find it easier to practice cot sleeping in the mornings when they have more energy and opt for settling their babies in their arms in the afternoon.
Settling Cycle for babies under 12 weeks in a cot First Stage Cry 0 up to 5 minutes Comfort – cupping and shushing and patting and shushing. Offer a dummy and stay with Henry until he goes to sleep
Next Stage Cry 0 to 5 minutes Comfort – cupping and shushing and patting and shushing. This is to reassure and not to put baby to sleep.
Cry 1 to 5 minutes Comfort – cupping and shushing and patting and shushing. Offer a dummy and stay with baby until he goes to sleep.
Getting Up When you go to pick Henry up from his cot whether it is after a nap or in the mornings, open up the room before picking baby up. This encourages baby to play or lie in his cot; he will also learn that when you walk into the room you are not going to pick him up straight away. I always chat to my babies when I go in, while opening up the room. I also use this time to put away clothes etc.
This is a way of teaching Henry how to feel secure in his own space and your presence and soothing voice signals to him that he is safe without you having to scoop him up in your arms.
Settling Your Baby after 12 weeks Twelve weeks marks the end of the 4th trimester and is an ideal time for most babies to begin spending the majority of their sleeping hours in a cot. This is often their first major step in recognising themselves as individuals who are separate from their mothers. It is especially important that this transition is carried out with consistency, tenderness and patience. This step I refer to as nurturing within boundaries. Note: The suggested routine above is only intended as a guide and should be used as such. Remember YOU are Henry’s mum so listen to your heart and your instincts. No, we don’t all do it by the book, or get it right the first time – you need to make ‘mistakes’ to get it right for you. It’s a time of learning a little person’s personality and figuring out what works for your home life.
Use vaseline and massage well into the scalp and quite thick Leave for a while and then start gentle massaging and the flakes will start lifting Massage or brush their hair with a soft brush in circular motions - this is also a good way to lift the cradle cap
Reapply vaseline through out the day and repeat the above
I wash their hair every night either using Mustela Cradle Cap Shampoo (only product of theirs I use as the rest are too heavily perfumed) or in NZ Made4Baby or the Tummy Mummy Earths Best baby soap Using a sponge or cloth, wet hair thoroughly. Use a very small amount of shampoo (do not squirt this directly onto their hair/scalp) and using your fingers, lightly scrub the scalp especially over the fontanelle area. Rinse well, again using a sponge or cloth ensuring that you are rinsing their scalp as well as their hair. Hair – you can firmly rub dry a baby’s hair ensuring that you are drying their scalp as well as their hair. After drying their hair I brush their scalp in all directions to lift the cradle cap and also I do a lot of circular brushing and then finally brush their hair to how you normally would DO NOT PICK the cradle cap off - this could result in the scalp weeping and also could lead to getting an infection in the site. Doing the above will not cure but improve the worse type of cradle cap in 24 hours and then over the next ten days you will have no cradle cap left.
The forehead and eye brows can also be treated as same as the above. Behind ears - ensure that you pat dry between the ear and the scalp and then and then ONLY when that area is dry apply vaseline
While getting rid of cradle cap the scalp needs to be washed every night.
If you do not like using Vaseline then I have been told that coconut oil is very good - same consistency apparently and works wonders.
HI Lizz It is about getting a good rhythm during the day with having awake times that are suitable for the baby's age and having a minimum of 1 1/2 hour naps. The main thing that I do is attachment parenting or 4th trimester for the first 12 weeks which takes TACT (time, acceptance, consistency and time). Yes, I do feed my babies during the night but once they regain their birth weight I will always try and resettle before feeding. This ensures that they are feeding for hunger and not comfort. I also try and cocoon for the first six weeks which is a little harder when you have more than one.
I do find that when babies wake like your girls and then dont resettle is that actually they may not have been hungry and just needed to be resettled without food. I have experienced this a few times and in each case when i resettled although this took time it wasnt as long as feeding and then trying to get them back to sleep.
Hi Ladies Thank you for all your questions and hopefully the answers will help you. It was lovely to meet you all at the OHBaby Coffee Catchup.
Remember before you do anything STOP, THINK, and ACT – work out what you are doing, why you are doing, and what you are trying to accomplish and then act.
Remember YOU are the baby’s mum and so listen to your heart and instinct. Yes, we all don’t do it by the book, or get it right the first time, but you need to make ‘mistakes’ to get it right for you. It’s a time of learning a little person’s personality and figuring out what works for your home life.
If you have the time I would love to see you pop over to http://www.facebook.com/BabyWithin and 'like' it. You can then keep up with information that I post from time to time or hear from other mothers who write on the wall.
Please remember as a parent or carer that you should understand and acknowledge that Dorothy is NOT a licensed medical doctor or other licensed medical provider and the information that I share with you has come from experience and working with numerous families and babies and toddlers
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Coffee Catchup Dunedin 29th July Dorothy Waide
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