TTC #2 and worried about labour

Hello parents and parents to be :)

I had a beautiful baby girl 4 years ago and am so excited to be trying for another!

However I am very nervous. I had a traumatic delivery with my first - 56 hours of labour followed by 3 hours of pushing only to be told I needed an emergency c-section as my contractions never got past 45 seconds long. I was prepped for surgery, the surgeon came and said she wanted to have one try with the forceps which worked - my daughter was born!

The downside - I was beyond exhausted after the long labour, traumatised by it all, sleep deprived before the baby even came physically and mentally thanks to 3 days without sleep and had a huge, painful episiotomy. I couldn't walk for almost 2 weeks thanks to the stitches and because I didn't have a c-section I left the hospital 4 days later without even panadol or voltaren to help with the pain.

I am very seriously considering an elective c for the next one, I'm scared of another nightmare delivery and also that I will be too nervous and uptight to relax and dilate properly. I'm hearing mixed things - some people say recovery from an elective is pretty good as you are prepared for the surgery in advance. A few people have said I'm being silly, second labour is easier and that what happened last time was a one-in-a-million unlucjy thing.

To the women TTC your first - don't worry I'm sure what happened to me won't happen to you! I don't know anyone who had an experience like mine.

What does everyone think? Do you know anyone or read any research about similar situations?

I had a similar situation with my son. No forceps, but they let me push for about 4 hours and did an episiotomy before my son was born (I was at birthcare so no obs to interfere with forceps and things). I was absolutely exhausted by the time he was born and in so much pain, not just where they cut me but my whole body. I even had to fight the birthcare midwives for voltaren as they didn't think it was necessary. It took about 8 weeks before i was painfree and about a year before everything felt comfortable again. The whole experience left me traumatized and either the pushing or the episiotomy left my pelvic floor a mess which meant I needed physiotherapy as I'm not done having kids (and only 27) they don't even want to look at surgical options.

I'm not ttc for a second one yet as I'm still too scared of labour and my greatest fear is that I won't be allowed to have an elective cesarean. I heard that you really have to fight for one if it isn't strictly needed (don't know if I will qualify). I have numerous family members that had elective cesarean from their first baby and to be honest their recovery was so much better than mine (most people in the country i am from opt for an elective cesarean). My one sil started working again at 6 weeks, while I couldn't even walk and carry my baby properly at 6 weeks.

This is just my opinion and experience and I know everyone is different, just wanted to let you know you are not alone. I also go back and forth because they say a second birth is so much easier so it is a difficult decision as you never know what will happen I'm just, like you, afraid that the stress of what happened the first time will make me tense up more and make the second birth so much worse (and destroy my pelvic floor leaving me incontinent for the rest of my life).

Good luck with ttc and your decision!

Yes, episiotomies are terrible things, I can't believe that they used to do it as routine in my grandmothers day! And it took me almost a year as well.