Toddler sleep tactics

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Bobsta Members Profile Find Members Posts Senior Member Joined: 12 October 2009 Location: Melbourne Points: 3806	Post Options Post Reply Quote Bobsta Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Topic: Toddler sleep tactics Posted: 06 February 2015 at 11:34pm
	Hi Everyone I would really love to hear what tactics people have used when it comes to getting toddlers to sleep at bedtime. Too big an ask?? Mission impossible perhaps?? So my DD is 22 months and has obviously started resisting her bedtime, as otherwise I wouldn't be posting this! I'm just curious to find out what methods parents here have tried and stick with and consider their 'go to' technique. I completely understand every kid and every parent is different, there is no one size fits all, and no magic trick that works instantly. But I figured I would ask as I've started researching this on the internet and there's so much out there it's hard to know where to start. So a little about my situation...I'm one of those mums you hate...my DD was sleeping 8 hours a night by 8 weeks old and in a good solid 12 hour sleep routine by 3 months old. I like to think I worked hard to get that routine, but I won't blame you for thinking I'm just lucky, as I know I am blessed and have never taken it for granted! So this resisting sleep thing is new to us. I know it's most likely a developmental change as my baby is growing up!! I would just love to understand how best to help her be more relaxed when it comes to sleep time, before it gets really bad and we all started getting really tense over it. As the odd night here and there is no big problem, but I can foresee how it can turn into a regular thing and then we all end up tired and grumpy. I also want to try and understand what things I shouldn't do to avoid developing bad habits that can be very hard to break later on. After some internet reading I am well aware there are some very different approaches and can cause quite a debate between parents. But I don't care about that, I'm not interested in the politics of parenting, after all we are all just trying to be the best parent we can be right? So I just want real life stories from real life mums, no judgements. So please, what did you try and what worked best for you? Edited by Bobsta - 06 February 2015 at 11:43pm
	Me 34 Him 35 DD almost 2 years old and... Baby #2 on it's way!

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Mushroom Members Profile Find Members Posts Senior Member Joined: 02 June 2011 Location: Auckland Points: 1995	Post Options Post Reply Quote Mushroom Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 07 February 2015 at 8:24am
	Hi Bobsta. For us, having a bed time routine was very important. So after dinner a short play, then bath, then stories, then bed. When we took the sides off his convertable cot we had the normal bedroom escape attempts - for this I just sat in the corridor and the second he came out, I would tell him to stay in his bed and return him there right away. A few tears/persistant battles for a couple of nights, then once he realised there was absolutely no way he was getting away with leaving his bedroom he stopped trying. Again, when he figured out bath started the bedtime routine, he became resistant to that. If he refused to get in the bath (strugging, screaming, etc), we'd simply bypass it and take him straight to his bedroom and wish him a good night. By the time we reached the door he would almost always say in a little voice 'I want to have a bath...', which we'd let him have provided he wasn't complaining. So our technique is pretty much making sure resisting never leads to more play time/fun, that we didn't negotiate with a screaming child - we asserted our parental authority of doing something the easy way or the hard way. And that, I think, is the main thing - being consistant. Figure out what behaviour is acceptable, and what routine you need, and your child needs to follow that. My son is allowed to play quietly in his bedroom for a while if he's not tired, but he has to go to bed when we say. We're the parents, so he had to learn that if we say something is happening, it's going to happen. And we always gave him a choice - e.g. you can have a bath, or go straight to bed. Having a tired child at bedtime also helps - your daughter is reaching the age of having no day-time naps. When our son was getting to that stage we had him have a nap, then he'd go to bed slightly later. Once we stopped naps he went to bed earlier (bedtime was 8ish with naps, and more like 6.30 without - now he's 4 he has a set 7pm bedtime, though sometimes goes straight to sleep, and sometimes plays quietly for an hour - provided he's happy in his room and not grouchy the next day we don't worry about it)
	Me: 35, PCOS, endo, DH: 34, severe MFI 6+ yrs TTC#2 M/C 2012, clomid 2013, IVM 2014, IVF 2015, M/C 2015 2016 FET#1- BFP - MMC - Emergency D&C FET#2 - BFN Jul 16 - stage 3 endo removed. Oct 16 BFP

Bobsta Members Profile Find Members Posts Senior Member Joined: 12 October 2009 Location: Melbourne Points: 3806	Post Options Post Reply Quote Bobsta Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 07 February 2015 at 4:19pm
	Thanks so much for all that Mushroom What time did your son stop taking naps? I think it's still too early for DD to drop her nap and she is good with her naps. Sometimes she resists (a recent development too), but once I leave the room she's either quiet and asleep within minutes or will happily have quiet time with her soft toys and books. So I'm not so keen on dropping it yet as it's my quiet time too! The problem is not getting her to bed, she loves her shower and bedtime story routine with us, and we've always had a regular routine so consistency doesn't seem to be the problem. The problem that has developed is that as soon as she see's me leaving so stands up and wants more cuddles. If I stay and give her more cuddles she clings so tightly and then will only lie back down if I stay. If we do manage to make it out before that happens, the crying starts not long after we leave the room. We've tried leaving her to cry for awhile but she just doesn't settle down on her own anymore and can cry for hours. There's nothing wrong other than her wanting us in the room with her, because as soon as one of us goes in she's quiet and happy. If I go in and ask her to lie down she does, but will stand and cry as soon as she sees me going again. I've tried staying in the room till she falls asleep, and that works, but is that a bad habit? Sometimes she will cry out when she wakes again and sees I'm not there, but sometimes she will then happily sleep through. I have to wait till she's in a completely deep sleep to leave too. If she's closed her eyes but isn't fully asleep, once she senses I'm not there she's up and crying again so we start from square one. I just don't know if that's the right thing to be doing? Will she then get dependent on having me in the room to sleep? Should I be doing the cry it out method? We did teach her self settling at a young age by using controlled crying, and that only took a day or so and she never cried longer than 15 mins before she got the hang of putting herself to sleep. But this is completely different as she is so determined! I don't mind trying crying it out but at the moment I just don't see it working, but perhaps I need to stick it out more? I do see we need to choose an approach and stick to it, and like you say have consistency with how we handle it. I'm just unsure which approach I should be doing. Is it possible she's started getting scared of the dark you think? We just introduced a sort of night light (projector light that projects coloured stars on the ceiling that move and change colour). It worked at first, but we had a repeat performance the past 2 nights again so I'm now thinking it's a bad idea and could keep her awake!?Sigh. I've always had such good instincts about what I needed to do when she changed things on me, but I feel a bit lost on this one! I think I will take your suggestion and start putting her to bed later. At the moment we do the shower at 7pm so she is usually in bed by 7.30pm. I might try pushing the routine out by 30mins. But she does seem tired come 7pm shower time, so again I'm not sure if that's the right course of action. Still leaves me with the problem of what action do I take when she starts her grizzling and crying when we go to leave the room... Sorry for all the long posts, half of it is no doubt me just voicing my thoughts to get it off my chest. I would love to hear what tactics you use with the crying.
	Me 34 Him 35 DD almost 2 years old and... Baby #2 on it's way!

Stoked Members Profile Find Members Posts Senior Member Joined: 13 August 2011 Points: 852	Post Options Post Reply Quote Stoked Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 08 February 2015 at 10:25am
	How long is your daughter sleeping for her daytime nap, and when does she go down? Resistance can come because they are not tired. With Miss almost 3 we shortened her nap time (She was sleeping for 90 min and we shortened it to 70 min and then 1 hr), this meant she was tired at bedtime. When this stopped working we introduced activities in the late afternoon (before dinner) that used lots of energy. Walking, bike riding and trips to the playground to help wear her out. Alternatively, she might be overtired and therefore clingy. Perhaps you could try bringing bedtime forward 20 minutes and see if that helps?? Good luck, these little people love to keep us on our toes :-)


Bobsta Members Profile Find Members Posts Senior Member Joined: 12 October 2009 Location: Melbourne Points: 3806	Post Options Post Reply Quote Bobsta Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 08 February 2015 at 6:46pm
	She's always slept a good 2 hours for her nap and I used to put her down around 1.30pm as any earlier she wasn't tired enough. About a week before the night sleep resisting happened she started refusing her nap completely. After a few days of battling wills, we introduced quiet time and she took to it straight away. Then a few days later started napping again. But I now put her down around 12pm-1pm as she seems to get tired earlier now. I suspect she's had a growth spurt to be honest. Last night we actually ended up putting her to bed at 8.30pm, as we were just both too tired to stick to any normal routine lol. I tried a new tactic I read about on another forum too which worked! When put to bed and she started crying out for cuddle when she saw me leaving I just told her I would be back in 2 mins to check on her and left, leaving the door open. She was quiet after 1 min. When I went back in she was standing up waiting for me quietly lol. Asked her to lie down again and told her I would be back. She stood up as she saw me leaving but not so grizzly and pretty much quiet straight away. Went back after 2 mins and just stood in the door and asked her to lay down which she did! Super stoked as that's a first! Told her I would be back in 5 mins. Went back in at 5 mins and she was fast asleep and didn't wake up at all until morning. It's just day one of doing that but am loving that technique. Will stick with it and see if she keeps responding well that way. So possibly the later bedtime helped as well? I will add in extra physical activity in the late afternoon too to help tire her out Thank you for your advice
	Me 34 Him 35 DD almost 2 years old and... Baby #2 on it's way!

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