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babycrazy
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Posted: 20 May 2016 at 8:53am |
Sounds like you have a lovely day planned. Enjoy it and make the most of just time with yourself and DH.
I've been on a health kick too - I ate WAAAY too much chocolate when I lost Paige because apparently that's what you give someone who has lost a baby (as well as flowers and bath products).
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TTC since Oct 2009 4 x DI's failed IVF1 CP & MC IVF2 CP IVF3 Angel baby born 22.3wks
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LP pka Rainyday
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Posted: 20 May 2016 at 8:57am |
Yep same here BC!! Chocolate, biscuits, chips, baked goods, lasanga etc etc flowers galore. I biffed the flowers on rubbish day in Tuesday as I was sick of the sight of them. I took a bunch of the freshest ones to Micah on Tuesday.
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6 MC angels DS born 04.01.14 DD born sleeping 09.05.16 22w5d
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babycrazy
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Posted: 20 May 2016 at 9:00am |
Am having trouble shifting any weight though which was bugging me a bit but now I've decided to just not care too much. I think maybe it's more emotional rather than anything I'm doing as I upped my exercise compared to what I was doing in pregnancy (lol very little to 4 days per week) and I've stopped eating and drinking too much sugary stuff. Hopefully one day I get back to a better size lol.
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TTC since Oct 2009 4 x DI's failed IVF1 CP & MC IVF2 CP IVF3 Angel baby born 22.3wks
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LP pka Rainyday
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Posted: 20 May 2016 at 10:06am |
Your doing well. Any form of exercise would be more than what I've done for a very long time. I'm glad your not beating yourself up hun. Go easy on yourself. I've just booked in with a psychologist on Wednesday arvo.
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6 MC angels DS born 04.01.14 DD born sleeping 09.05.16 22w5d
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babycrazy
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Posted: 20 May 2016 at 10:15am |
Good on you for making that appt. At low points I've considered it and will probably go down that track if we don't ever get to have a baby. Heaven forbid!!
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TTC since Oct 2009 4 x DI's failed IVF1 CP & MC IVF2 CP IVF3 Angel baby born 22.3wks
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LP pka Rainyday
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Posted: 21 May 2016 at 9:37am |
Heaven forbid that thought indeed BC!!!
I'm a mess this morning. Must be pretty bad since DH just packed up himself & DS to go out of the house for a while. As they were heading out the door DH said "you're staying here?...you can come if you want to. You didn't look in the mood to go out" There's no way I wanted to go out but the fact DH assumed and never asked really upset me. DH hasn't done anything wrong it's my head that's such a mess. Early this morning DS gave me lovely cuddles which made me cry more so both boys cuddled me. DS was patting me saying "mummy sad" cue more water works. Then DH said mummy's ok now. No I'm not & I hate that I'm not. Poor DH I don't think he knows what to do and I can't tell him because I don't know. Rant over 😞
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6 MC angels DS born 04.01.14 DD born sleeping 09.05.16 22w5d
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LP pka Rainyday
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Posted: 21 May 2016 at 9:52am |
https://youtu.be/9RYTHFfRTJE
This above is the song we played at Micah's funeral. I just listened to it again for the first time and had a bloody good bawl while the boys were out. Feeling slightly better although even more tired than I was before.
ACtually not sure if that link will work, might have to copy paste. Disclaimer: don't listen if you are feeling emotional!! It's a beautiful song
Edited by LP pka Rainyday - 21 May 2016 at 9:53am
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6 MC angels DS born 04.01.14 DD born sleeping 09.05.16 22w5d
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babycrazy
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Posted: 21 May 2016 at 10:52pm |
Aww hugs RD. Sorry I've been out all day at netball. I'm actually glad you had a good cry today and let yourself be. I think it's much healthier to let it out.
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TTC since Oct 2009 4 x DI's failed IVF1 CP & MC IVF2 CP IVF3 Angel baby born 22.3wks
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GEONC
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Posted: 22 May 2016 at 7:40am |
RD that song you've picked for Micahs earth journey upwards is beautiful. And I agree with BC a good cry is needed! Xx
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LP pka Rainyday
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Posted: 22 May 2016 at 11:42am |
No need to apologise BC. Yesteday was a bad day. Not as emotional today. Very short fuse though. Had an awful dream that Micah's results came back and there was a lot more wrong with her than we thought. Hope we hear something soon. BC is your appointment coming up?
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6 MC angels DS born 04.01.14 DD born sleeping 09.05.16 22w5d
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babycrazy
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Posted: 22 May 2016 at 12:43pm |
So many emotions huh hun. All normal of course. Don't be surprised if it's a couple months before you hear anything. Tomorrow is two months since she was born and my appointment is on Tuesday down in Wellington. We'll pick up her ashes in Palmy on our way so it's a full on day.
I don't know what to ask them. I suppose I should try think of something. I'm pretty sure they're going to say it was unlucky circumstances and that's that. I guess my questions surround what next and if I am able to get pregnant again what will my care look like. Wish I had a crystal ball and could see into the future!
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TTC since Oct 2009 4 x DI's failed IVF1 CP & MC IVF2 CP IVF3 Angel baby born 22.3wks
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LP pka Rainyday
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Posted: 22 May 2016 at 2:26pm |
Where do you have to travel from BC? That sure is a full on day hun. What will you do with Paige's ashes?
The crystal ball would be great wouldn't it!!
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6 MC angels DS born 04.01.14 DD born sleeping 09.05.16 22w5d
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babycrazy
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Posted: 22 May 2016 at 4:04pm |
We travel from the central plateau - about 3.5hrs one way. Not sure about what we'll do with her ashes at this stage. Quite funny I never thought passed actually picking them up! I'm thinking maybe spread some on my parents home farm where I grew up but otherwise we'll keep them here with us.
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TTC since Oct 2009 4 x DI's failed IVF1 CP & MC IVF2 CP IVF3 Angel baby born 22.3wks
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LP pka Rainyday
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Posted: 22 May 2016 at 5:24pm |
That's a massive mission!! What ever you decide will be the right thing by Paige. Xo
My mum has been sending me some really hardcore texts. She's just expressing her thoughts and feelings about Micah but man its so hard to deal with. I'm struggling enough without hearing "I can't believe how much Micah has broken my heart" and "I'm so sad today" Her feelings are valid but I don't need to try and process her grief as well as my own. Not sure how to approach that one.
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6 MC angels DS born 04.01.14 DD born sleeping 09.05.16 22w5d
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babycrazy
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Posted: 22 May 2016 at 5:41pm |
Oh wow that is hard to deal with. I hated watching the pain and grief my mum was going through and that I was the one who had caused it (in a sense). I found myself being as strong as I could be around her because I couldn't handle it. Perhaps suggest your mum sees a professional too or perhaps get together with her and both have a good cry and a talk. I never appreciated how losing Paige would affect so many people so deeply. Your mum is grieving a grand daughter and trying to cope with the fact her own daughter is having to go through something so awful. She won't know what to do. I have to keep reminding myself of that with my own mum all the time.
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antheawren
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Posted: 22 May 2016 at 6:06pm |
Rd I know loosing Meika really hit my Mum hard she was depressed for a good couple of years but it didn't help that my sister lost her son 6 months later at the same stage! But I too couldn't deal with her grief honey and you need to tell her that - tell her your barely holding it together yourself at the moment!
Bc I have Meika's ashes with me in a little box that looks like a child's toy - I love knowing she's with us all the time!
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Miscarriage 5 1/2 weeks Nov 14 Miscarriage 6 weeks September 15
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babycrazy
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Posted: 22 May 2016 at 6:48pm |
Anthea that sounds lovely having her ashes in a toy. Yeah I don't think I'll actually be able to bring myself to scatter her ashes, even if it's only some.
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TTC since Oct 2009 4 x DI's failed IVF1 CP & MC IVF2 CP IVF3 Angel baby born 22.3wks
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antheawren
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Posted: 22 May 2016 at 7:03pm |
I would imagine it would be super hard to do honey - and such a lovely feeling having her with you all the time xx
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Miscarriage 5 1/2 weeks Nov 14 Miscarriage 6 weeks September 15
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Nellennium
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Posted: 23 May 2016 at 8:33am |
Hi ladies, I'm so very sorry for your losses. I haven't lost a bub that far along but my friend has and she had the most beautiful sphere's made that include some of her wee boys ashes.
I'm not sure exactly where hers were made (she got 2 I think), but if you google remembrance sphere there are a few places in NZ that make them.
Lots of love xxx
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LP pka Rainyday
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Posted: 23 May 2016 at 9:09am |
I have seen some jewellery options too that can contain ashes.l Anthea has sent me pics of what she has done for Meika and it's lovely :-)
The mum factor is a really hard one. Gosh Anthea, a quadruple blow for your mum that year, that's super tough.
DH says I need to say something, he even offered to do it! I'm just not sure. I'm worried I'll make things worse for mum. I fully acknowledge she's grieving for Micah and for me. My heads just not in a space to process it. Hopefully My appointment on Wednesday will help.
Generally yesterday was a good day in the scheme of things. Feeling a bit wobbly this morning with hubby back at work, but DS is here to keep me distracted and we've got gym class again this morning. MW is visiting at some point as well to check in on me.
I've been sleeping quite heavily but waking so so tired. Two weeks today since Micah was born, feels like it's been two months like you BC....
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6 MC angels DS born 04.01.14 DD born sleeping 09.05.16 22w5d
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