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Mellany233941 View Drop Down
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Joined: 01 October 2018
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    Posted: 01 October 2018 at 9:05am
Hi everyone! How is your ttc going? Today I feel really emotional… I need to share bc no one around understands my frustration. Well, stupid periods showed up on Friday... I am soooo depressed right now it's not even funny. I'm trying not to let it bring me down but WHY isn't it happening.

It seems everybody around me is pregnant. A LOT of them don't really seem like they want or deserve it. A friend of mine is married to the worst player ever. They have a 16 month old daughter and she just got pregnant last month with their 2nd child. I work at a beauty salon and many of my clients are fairly young.. (approx.18 - 21 years old) and in the past few months 6 of them have said to me that they are pregnant!! No steady boyfriend or nothing… Now I'm thinking why the hell am I not getting pregnant?? We have a good loving family. This baby would be loved more than anything... I don't understand.

I know it's my fault. I'm ashamed to admit this and I'm crying soooo hard while I'm writing this...I had 3 abortions when I was younger. I was going out with a guy for 6 years (from 15 to 21) and it was an abusive relationship. I got pregnant 3 times...3 times!! Can you believe this!!??! I know it may have been the right decision given my situation at the time. But I just know I'm being punished right now. I was soooo wrong to do that. I don't know what to think anymore. I'm sorry I know a lot of you out there are against abortions. I just had to talk about it, nobody knows except my dh.

Now I’m married. I have loving husband, he is the best. We’ve been trying to conceive for almost 3 years and nothing. I blame myself and feel like it killing me.
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Alicia219545 View Drop Down
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Joined: 31 January 2017
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Alicia219545 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 October 2018 at 10:25am
You shouldn't beat yourself up about things in the past. You made what was the right decision for you at that time. It doesn't really matter what other people think. This is not a punishment for that. Just keep trying to think positive that it WILL happen someday. You just don't know when. I know it's hard to watch when people "accidentally" turn up pregnant. And every 2WW seems like an eternity!!! Keep having hope, prayer, and optimism. I really believe we'll all have our day.

I know we all go through the process of figuring out what "we" did, but I think that most medical professionals and statistics would tell you that a prior abortion has nothing to do with your current situation. I know it's frustrating to see people who may not "want" a baby as much as you getting pregnant all around, and I share that pain with you. If you were doing things now that are unhealthy, which it sounds like you are not, that would be one thing. Beating yourself up about the past I know is natural, but someday there will be the child that the almighty intends you to raise and love, no matter how or when it gets to you.

I do not know the history of your fertility issues. But both you and your DH should check your fertility asap. It is an easy and relatively inexpensive test. It should be done if you want to continue ttc. You should be aware of your health condition. Maybe your RE will give you some advice or prescribe some fertility treatment. It is the first thing good doctors will do when you reach that one year mark and seek help.

Just don’t forget it is not your fault. It is nobody's "fault". You made the best decision that you could at the time. Let's face it at 15 or 20 we all do things that we could look back now and say maybe that wasn't the best idea. It is just the maturity that comes with age. So don't beat yourself up. Know that you are taking good care of yourself now and that is what is important. Good luck to you.
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Dina221343 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Dina221343 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 October 2018 at 10:31am
Please don’t blame yourself. There is no point in doing that. You cannot change anything. You did what you considered to be better for you. And now blaming only make you even more stressed because you can’t conceive. And I'd try not to do too much googling on the subject. There is so much false information out there and propaganda. There is no scientific link to what you are suggesting. It is just dumb luck sometimes and other times our bodies just need a little help. I agree with comments above. You need to meet your Dr. and do medical check. Make an appointment to see your Dr. as a couple. There could be a problem with you or your partner. Your doctor may suggest some initial investigations to see if you can improve your chances. Don’t waste time and just do it! Believe me it will help. Good luck!
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Mellany233941 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Mellany233941 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 October 2018 at 10:42am
Thank you so much for replies! I feel much better now! Thanks for all the support. I needed it so much. No one around understands. My DH is very supportive, but… You know, only women who goes through same pain can understand. We haven't done any medical check. I know it’s wrong. We had to see Dr. 2 years ago. But we didn’t… My DH has a son from previous marriage. He doesn’t tell me straight but he thinks everything is ok with his fertility. I believe it’s obvious as he has a child. So the problem is in me. I’m the reason we can’t conceive. And it scares me to death… I’m scared to hear a verdict that I’m infertile and we won’t be able to have children. That’s why I’m constantly thinking about my abortions.
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luha226083 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote luha226083 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 October 2018 at 9:11pm
Hi, how are you doing now? My sister also had three abortions, when she was young, she made them around 24-25 years old. But after a while she managed to get pregnant for the fourth time. Yes, this pregnancy was not easy, as she had problems with her coccyx. However, she managed to give birth to a healthy baby with a caesarean section. It seems to me that you should contact your doctor with your partner. Because, he may have problems, not you. Have you thought about it already or not? As for your depression, you should be reconciled with what happened in the past. You can no longer change your actions in the past. Therefore, does it make sense to constantly think about it? Take the situation as it is now. First of all, think about how to solve it. I hope the doctor can help you. But you can think about IVF or surrogacy. These are quite popular and effective methods, so you should not be discouraged. And perhaps the reason is different and you can get pregnant naturally. For example, a surrogate of my friends is currently pregnant. They could not conceive a child in a natural way and for them the only option was surrogacy.
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lenabr199848 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote lenabr199848 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 January 2019 at 9:52am
luha226083 - I am sorry about yr sis, and huge congrats to her and all her family
Me 38, DH 42
#1IVF - BNF, no implantation
#2IVF - BNF, mc
changed clinics, 1st appointment Gdansk - June 2018
#3IVF - Gdansk Poland, Dec 2018
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slink235957 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote slink235957 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 March 2019 at 6:37am
Maybe it is better to me a new person? Use online, bad or tinder is a good start. Also, to avoid scam online you can use https://www.romancescams.org/mail-order-brides/asian/, which will help you to avoid scam online
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pagerlvy33237502 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote pagerlvy33237502 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 March 2019 at 3:08am
Oh no hun! You should not blame yourself for something you have no control over. This is wrong.
I am in the middle of a surrogacy process as well and I have been through the same. You have to understand that your husband supports you. He loves you and is there for you! I have been feeling guilty for a long time, but my hubby came over to me and confessed that he had a lot of guilt, too. And we just hugged each other and decided it is time to move on. This is why we are confident surrogacy clients.
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