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YvetteandElla 
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Joined: 06 April 2007
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 Topic: Please I need your advice
Posted: 04 May 2007 at 8:56am |
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Hey all, here goes with my speil.
My parents are moving house, at present they live over 30 minutes drive away in the country and are planning on moving within 5 min drive from us.
I love the idea as i am really close to my parents and hated being so far from them ( i know it wasnt that far but I didnt see them as much as it was such a mission)
They are moving as they feel isolated in the country and to be closer to there beach house and for bubs when she is born.
Also mum is planning on taking a few months off when bubs is born so she can help out and also she is not happy with work and wants to sort a few things out.
DH is worried she is going to be smothering and always around and he will not be needed as much.
How do I sort this out I dont want to upset anyone
PLEASE PLEASE help, it is consuming my thoughts
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peachy
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Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: Auckland
Points: 3923
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Posted: 04 May 2007 at 9:02am |
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Do you feel you can talk about your concerns with your Mum at all?
Mum bought this up with me the other day actually in one of our deep and meaningfuls we have. She said if you ever feel I am smothering you or butting into your life please tell me to "butt out"! Her and I are very very close and she said sometimes she forgets that I have a DH now and another persons emotions and feelings to consider. I thought it was really considerate of her to talk to me about this, atleast now I know if Mum is overbearing I can just say "hey Mum, back off" and she won't be offended. I think having an open relationship is so beneficial!
I hope you are able to sort it out!
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busymum
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Location: New Zealand
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Posted: 04 May 2007 at 9:11am |
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Wow that's a great relationship you have with your mum Peachy!
I'm inclined to think things will go okay. It's nice that your mum will be on hand - especially once DH goes (back?) to work after baby is born. I think you guys will adjust to it after the initial change. Mothers are great for helping out with washing and dishes, jobs DHs generally don't enjoy much, and DH's are great for support and backrubs, and both of them can have turns with the baby. I think it's a good idea so long as you can say to your mum "we haven't had much time just by ourselves for a while so could you come tomorrow instead?"
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Anna
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Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: Auckland
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Posted: 04 May 2007 at 9:14am |
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What about selling the idea to your DH this way... Your mum will be there to help out with all the stuff no one really wants to do, the washing and the cleaning etc. He will still be needed for all the baby stuff, but gets the bonus of not doing the boring stuff?
And what about if you have an arrangement for time for only you and DH? Timew during the day or in the evening where there are no visitors and it is just the three of you.
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Anna
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YvetteandElla
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Posted: 04 May 2007 at 9:16am |
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Me an my mum are really close but I am worried I will upset her she seems very fragile at the moment as she is really unhappy with work and she seems very stressed.
The thing DH hates which I totally understand is she did not ask if we needed her help first before deciding to take time off.
I know I am going to def need her help, DH thinks we can do it all by ourselves, however we also have a company to run and he wont be able to just leave it.
I also suffer from depression and anxiety (am on medication) and am really worried I will get post natal depression, I think that having someone around will make those chances less.
People who have suffered depression have a high chance of PND
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Nic01
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Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: West Auckland
Points: 526
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Posted: 04 May 2007 at 9:30am |
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My Mum was a huge help when I first had Matthew! She was really cautious not to be too overbearing or anything though & would usually wait until we invited her over rather than just turning up unannounced, & kept checking whether DH minded her coming over so much.
It sounds like your Mum is using your new baby as an excuse to take time off work. If she's not happy with work maybe she thought that was as good a reason as any to take some leave & also why she didn't ask if you wanted her help beforehand.
Is your Mum usually really smothering? If not, I wouldn't stress about it too much. I'm sure once the realities of having a new bubs hit home, especially if you've got your own business to run, your DH will probably be glad of the help. Maybe once she's more relaxed after leaving work, if you find that your Mum is taking over too much you can just say that you appreciate all her help but would she mind if you guys had some time just the 3 of you??
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YvetteandElla
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Posted: 04 May 2007 at 10:04am |
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Ok You guys are the best,
I just rang mum to talk to her and it seems her plans have changed, she says she is going to take 1-2 weeks off when bubs is born to help out with washing and cooking as this is what her mum did for her and she wants to do it for us.
She knows the importance of us looking after baby and she wont be too smotheing,
She has also decided to take her 3 months off work in November-december to decide on her job etc.
I am glad I have cleared things up.
She also said that in the weeks after the baby she will do stuff for us from home and will only come arond if we need it
I feel like an incredible weight has been lifted off of my sholders
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Nic01
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Location: West Auckland
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Posted: 04 May 2007 at 10:08am |
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That's great that you were able to sort things out with your Mum. It sounds like she'll be a huge help for you guys but will also let you do your own thing.
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peachy
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Location: Auckland
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Posted: 04 May 2007 at 10:22am |
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Thats great lilnutnut, I am glad you sorted it out so quickly! I think your Mum will be an absolute blessing to have around when baby arrives, what more could you want your own homehelp - and shes free too, even better!
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busymum
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Posted: 04 May 2007 at 2:25pm |
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Awesome! What a neat mum!
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Please I need your advice
