Oprah today

can women have it all = the career vs home debate...

aka my dilemma / my life...

interesting...elizabeth vargas just summed up my career and dilemma!

I just got home and am catching the last half hour of it. I've recently finished reading two books about the "Mommy Wars" and the argument that's been raging in the US. I've been on both sides of the fence -- staying home 100% with my child, and working outside of my home while my child is at a babysitter, and it's so hard to encapsulate all of the aspects of this issue into a one-hour show -- but I'm so glad they're looking at it. Let's all weigh in when the show is over!

the woman who judged working mums annoyed me tho...I mean some choose to return to work and others have to ....and yet she sat there and judged them for not being there 24 / 7 for their kids....now it is women like her that annoy me....!!!

I choose to return to work, but also financially it gives us freedom, and altho I may get judged for it...I know Ella is loved, well cared for and probably wont tell me 20 years later that she wished i had stayed home!!!

Totally agree! It's about choice and making the one that makes you the happiest. Happy mum = happy family.

Didn't even watch the show and I get bothered by this.

I just finished an excellent book caled working mothers: the 48 hour day. it is a series of essays by NZ women who chose to work once their families arrived. it covers a range of cultures and professions, as well as part time to full time.

I still dont know how I am going to feel abouthe choice, but I found thebook hlepful in terms of seeing how NZ women juggle things, without the emotive junk that you get from things like the Oprah show today (saw some of it then sister called from Oz - much more interesting!)

I watched this with great interest too, and am torn by this very dilemma... although will possibly have to return to work at some stage not out of choice but financial obligation - which sucks ! But we shall see how things go in the next couple months

I knew a few people who were stay-at-home mums and whose stance on the issue was, "If you're going to go back to work after you have a baby and leave your child with someone else all day long, why did you bother having kids at all?" That attitude incensed me -- it's the whole "walk a mile in my moccasins" thing. I don't think that the reasons women choose to or are forced to work after their children are born are black and white, and the part of the show I found most interesting was toward the end, when they intercut the working mum and the stay-at-home mum explaining their regrets about their choices. One was saying she missed all her child's milestones growing up, and the other said she neglected herself to the point of usurping her identity. And both of those regrets are perfectly valid and equally sad for those women.

I work part-time from home, but for the past couple of months, I have been working outside the home for two days a week to make some extra money, as we are planning to visit family in the US at the end of the year and can't afford to do so unless I can earn more. So I made that choice, knowing full well that my child will be at the babysitter's house two full days a week and that I will miss things.

Wednesday when I was in the office, the babysitter sent me a text saying, "Emma Rose said Mama!" She's never said Mama to me... That made me sad. But then I remembered that I *am* her Mama, and she'll say it to me at some point, and maybe missing that moment was a sacrifice worth taking the trip that I'm working so hard to afford -- because my own mother hasn't seen her granddaughter for over a year, and that's a sacrifice for her.

So even missing my child say the word "Mama" isn't as black and white as some of the women on that programme might make it out to be. It's not as easy as, "Missing your child's milestones? Quit your job!" It's also not as easy as, "Feeling like nobody respects you because you stay home with your kids? Get a job!" For many women, there's a constant pull between the two roles, and there are more grey areas than black-and-white ones.

I think I'm incredibly lucky to have the job that I do in that I get to be both a SAHM and a working Mum at the same time. Even that has it's sacrifices tho, it means I am often up working very late at night just to meet deadlines now that the gremlins are awake so much longer during the day.

Maya went into full time daycare at 5 months out of neccessity, not choice, I was a single Mum and my only chance of a better life for us was to finish my degree and find a job, and I struggled with that hugely in the beginning and only intended to have her in daycare till I finished my degree. But after finishing, then having Maya home from daycare full time over the Xmas holidays I realised what a huge part of her life daycare was an made the choice to send her back part time once the new term started.

I have no regrets now about that, I think it helped hugely with her social and emotional development to be apart from me for a few hours a week, and she's now a happy, healthy, very bright wee girl who is well ready for school.

I've enrolled the gremlins to start from next February when they will be 16 months partly to allow me to expand my working hours, but also for the social reasons I kept Maya there.

I agree with JD tho, I would find it difficult if I was never able to do school trips etc. due to work committments, and I do make an effort now to help out where/when I can. I wouldn't even consider full time work outside the home until all of the kids are out of primary school. I might think differently if I had family support and the kids would be going to my parents etc. after school, but I think 9-3 is long enough for little ones, without them spending anoter 2+ hours at after school care.