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My3Sons 
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 Topic: Gender stereotyping (4yr old)
Posted: 19 May 2010 at 10:40am |
My wonderful middle son Mr 4 is SO different from my other 2 boys who are typical "boys" as you would say, loud, noisy, messy and into all the typical boy things, trucks and dirt etc. He is a sensitive soul and is more at home in the family corner at kindy or doing a painting or puzzles. He loves playing with dolls and likes my jewellery Now I have no problem with any of this and neither does my DH, he is such a cool little guy and I guess its just the contrast between him and the other 2. I have had comments though along the lines of "oh you let him play with dolls?" and "oh Id be worried about him if I were you", as if letting him be himself is going to make him gay! I mean seriously, I cant believe people think like that about a 4 YEAR OLD! Wow if playing with a doll is going to "make" him gay then theres not much I can do about that is there?
Can anyone else relate? Do you have a child who doesnt fit the norm and likes to do things a bit differenly? Or any other thoughts/opinions welcome
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Bizzy
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Posted: 19 May 2010 at 10:55am |
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the head teacher at my kids kindy said to me one day that she had a dad who was worried about that kind of stuff till she explained to him that kids do what they see and because the boy watched his dad nurture his siblings and cook and look after the household chores that is what the little boy was doing... great role modeling!
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AandCsmum
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Posted: 19 May 2010 at 11:00am |
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My wee boy is SO into cars & things really boyish BUT he also loves shoes (usually mine), our Dora doll & wearing scarfs.
I"m with Bizzy, he's watching role models & mimicking.
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Kel
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12
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Bizzy
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Posted: 19 May 2010 at 11:05am |
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oh and both my boys like dora, toby has a doll and does some interesting things.... he loves pretend food but also cars. Hes a very different kid from most at kindy but despite or because of it he is very popular there too.
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Babe
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Posted: 19 May 2010 at 11:44am |
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Jake loves shoes and hats and handbags and nail polish, playing kitchen and 'bfing' the dollys (haha mimicking much?!) but theres no doubt hes got enough testosterone to make him all boy!!!
I'd worry more that he'd overhear people talking about the whole sexual orientation thing and put a label on himself or develop issues that wouldn't otherwise arise IYKWIM.
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Peanut
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Posted: 19 May 2010 at 11:53am |
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Aww, so cute.
Thats a lovely quote from the kindy teacher.
My DS is a rough and tumble wee boy. Love spiderman, rugby tackling etc but I always find him with the push chairs and in the kitchen area at DC. He loves playing with dolls when they are around and usually puts "make up" on every morning with me.
I also wonder if DS loves those things as he is surrounded by boy stuff at home as we have 2 boys so he only gets to play with "girl" stuff at DC and playgroup....not because it bothers me but because I am too cheap to buy stuff for home and they get given most of there toys.
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?Lolly?
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Posted: 19 May 2010 at 11:59am |
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I have let Ethan play with dolls, we even let him have a play kitchen. He much prefers to play with cars and lego's but we have tried our hardest not to gender stereotype him.
However, what's wrong with being gay? And how on earth are you suppose judge this from what a 4 year old likes to play with? some people need a good boot up the @rse!
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princesspumpkin
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Posted: 19 May 2010 at 12:05pm |
Goodness, how silly of people to make such crazy comments!! It sounds like you have a wonderful little guy . Amazing how the sexual obsession of society is spreading down to gender stereotyping little wee kids.
My little guy is a crazy tractor obsessed daredevil, who also loves the doll I made for him. He gets him gently out of his little bed, carries him around the house & takes him for rides on his rocking horse & his bike! Dolls are like little friends for little boys, and what Bizzy said is dead right - they're imitating the care they see around them & that is lovely.
Keep up the good work! 
ETA - not talking about the comments on this thread being crazy, just in case anyone thought I was a meanie!! Talking about the people who've said you should be worried 
Edited by serendipity
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My3Sons
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Posted: 19 May 2010 at 12:09pm |
Thanks all Babe thats what I dont like, I dont want him thinking there is anything wrong with wanting to play with dolls or dress up etc, he doesnt need to be labelled as anything! That is an interesting point about role modelling and mimicking too! He has always been a bit of Mummys boy and is alot closer to me than his Dad. He will play in the sandpit and play cars and that kind of thing but he prefers the quieter stuff. He is also a really bright boy and loves to read and write and is very clever with numbers
Emiloly it tends to be mostly the older generation that says the stupid things Like my father for example!
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My3Sons
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Posted: 19 May 2010 at 12:11pm |
awww that is so cute about the doll Serendipity! Must be lovely to see your boy being so gentle and loving.
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kiwisj
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Posted: 19 May 2010 at 12:21pm |
The comments are irritating aren't they! Callum is only 17m and we have had comments from people back home because I bought him a stroller and a baby doll. C loves giving his doll cuddles but he also loves driving the stroller round and saying "brrrrrm brrrrrm!" 
Great point about mimicking what they see at home Bizzy.
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SJ
Callum - Dec 2008
Daniel - Oct 2010
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MyLilSquishy
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Posted: 19 May 2010 at 12:39pm |
I have 2 younger brothers.... A (middle) and T (youngest).
A used to rip their heads off, loved anything creppy crawly, would happily spend hours playing in the dirt/mud/sand, climb trees, do all the "boy" things.... He is gay.
T would play dolls with me, have tea parties, we would draw and colour and play board games and when we were a little older (me about 12, him about 7) we would do stamping/card making together and i used to make recycled paper and he would help me do that.... He is straight.
there is absolutely NOTHING to "pre-determine" whether a boy will be gay, straight or bi. some boys are just arty, placid souls, some boys are "stereotypical", some are inbetween. and some just think "if girls are allowed to play with dolls then so should i!" (the whole, i want what they've got thing lol)
i really hope people stop judging him sweet!!!
oh and i love what the kindy teacher said!!!!
and besides hun... he is 4!
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WRXnKids
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Posted: 19 May 2010 at 2:41pm |
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Josh is a bit like that as well some days he is such a boy i mean he loves gettiing outside dirty being loud playing cars fixing cars with his dad stealing tools from the garage if the boy finds a screwdriver then he takes everything he can apart (normally so he can get the batteries out) and then he has moments like today where he is quieter and has tea parties (was soo cute him pouring tea for me and his auntie) and plays with his baby doll we got him to teach him to be gentle with the new baby. He loves playing house at daycare and putting on perfume and my foundation (although thats cos he sees me do it and wonders why he doesnt)
Its all just copying and learning and experiencing not all boys need to grow up to be butch rambo types they need to have caring sides as well
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Nutella
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Posted: 19 May 2010 at 3:51pm |
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I was planning to give DS a doll when he is a bit older, esp when we have another baby...figure it will let him try out the things i do. nothing wrong with children doing things that are not gender sterotypical.
Isn't it fascinating how if boys act 'girly' then they are BOUND to be gay (who cares anyway) but girls are like sooooo cool if they are tomboys?? Another aspect of life where typcially feminine things are less superior than macho men things.
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kiwi2
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Posted: 19 May 2010 at 4:15pm |
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My husband is a placid soul. He can't walk into a room if there is a baby on the floor etc without picking it up and giving it a cuddle. He is a softly yet very good at his job and a wonderful father. He was into art and he does a desk job and loves to shower (min 2 per day) Not your "normal" rugged kiwi bloke. If your son grows up to be a bit like my DH his future partner and kids will be so lucky. Think of it as a blessing.
As for the gay thing those comments are normally from insecure homophobes. Like you can change your childs sexual orientation by forcing dolls or trucks on them. And who has the right to question it anyway. My hairdresser was openly gay and I would never have walked up to him and said better get a job like truck driving so why is it ok to do it to a 4 year old.
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SpecialK
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Posted: 20 May 2010 at 8:39am |
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Why do people say things like that?!
OT a bit, but I was having a coffee with some work people last year, and one was telling about her 5 year old son who is really into clothes, shoes, jewellery etc. And relates really well to gay men. One of the guys listening got really worked up, and said she had to do something now, and not allow him to become "that way". WTF?!
Anyway, back on topic, I was reading Nigel Latta's 'Mothers Raising Sons' yesterday and he raises some interesting questions about gender stereotyping and also about different personality types and how you can identify them and help your son reach his potential. Really interesting, and he talks quite a lot about boys that are into the same things as your boy. Anyway, it all boils down to particular personalities and nothing to do with sexual orientation (although surely, in this day and age it really doesn't matter whether people are gay or straight?!). I highly recommend the book if you are really worried.
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My3Sons
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Posted: 20 May 2010 at 12:28pm |
Thanks everyone for your feedback!
No Im not worried about him at all SpecialK but that book sounds like a must read anyway, thanks! I am more annoyed at the ignorance of others, I know he is a happy healthy little guy and he just likes to do things a bit differently to his brothers, a bit of middle child syndrome perhaps?
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arohanui
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Posted: 20 May 2010 at 12:38pm |
He's gonna be an awesome daddy one day
Harry is very "boyish" but also plays with so called "girls" toys, which i think is great. He has a doll, pushchair and cot (the last 2 used to be mine!) and also loves wearing jewellery. And loves play (or real) cooking. It makes me sad when parents categorise kids toys by gender.
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Mama to DS1 (5 years), DS2 (3 years) and... 
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Gender stereotyping (4yr old)
Oct 11
