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mum2paris View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote mum2paris Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 August 2008 at 10:11pm
I am against the decriminalisation of the smacking and such like.

Simply because I have never smacked my girls, probably as a direct result of living through years of abuse (physical and emotional and psychological) at the hands of my mum. I want more for them than that. And yeah Ayja drives me to the ends of my wits at times - but i would never go as far as to smack.

I am all for teaching right from wrong with talking and giving them a chance to do they right things - so that in time - as they get past the horrible toddler-not-listening stage - they will learn how to right their wrongs and how to self-regulate their own behaviour.    

That doesn't mean to sound self-righteous in any way. I am jsut saying, what works for me, and maybe doesn't work for everyone, but coming from how i was brought up, I would never vote to have any form of physical "discipline" allowed.
Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja

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Jennz View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jennz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 August 2008 at 11:43pm
It just seems crazy/scary/sad to me that people are fighting so passionately for the right to hit their kids
Jen, Charlotte 7 & Kate 3

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Roksana View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Roksana Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 August 2008 at 10:03am
I dont agree that it is fighting for the right to hit their kids...well at least I dont hit my kid and never intend to hit either of them, like Janine I teach DD right and wrong and I am lucky that she is not a impossible child....and most days the "Corner" is mentioned and that is enough....its more to do with what else are we going to be told to do and not to do by govt?

I mean it should be common sense that you cant hit your kid and yes there are some psychos out there that dont seems to know that but in general would you say that NZ parents are bad parents...or atleast any one on here that we know? I have only a handful of friends who have kids and I have never seen them hit their kids...and they would never see me hit mine.

I am all for the law to go ahead...only thing is I dont want to see parents being prosecuted for smack on bum or hand etc.....and I again dont think that this is abuse!

I was hit by my parents when younger and by the teachers at school...that was norm where I grew up and I am not screwed up or scared for life but then I wont allow that for my children. So as society we need to learn that what we might have endured in the past was not so fun so lets break the cycle! I only wish that it never had to come to this, if all parents thought like us that hitting your kid or any one for that matter is not acceptable! Alas we dont live in a perfect world!

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote cuppatea Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 August 2008 at 1:19pm
I don't get why people are upset about the govt telling us what to do. They are elected in to power to be the decision makers and its their job to make, amend or over turn laws dependant upon what society dictates as acceptable social behaviour. There are laws that say you can't kill someone, you would think that would be common sense and most people won't do it be the law is still there. The laws are our moral code and morally it is wrong to hit children. The govt aren't telling you how to parent they are just telling you that hitting a child is now against the law because under the previous law it wasn't. (or at least the lines were blurred).
I agree that a gentle smack on the hand during a tense moment when you react to bat the hand away from danger shouldn't be a crime, but I also don't think a smack on the hand just because you have told the child 5 times already not to touch whatever it is is neceassary and there is a clear distinction between immediate danger and a reaction to it than to a percieved danger where other methods can be used.

Also remember only 300,000 people signed the petition which means far more people of voting age didn't so surely that means the majority of people are happy with the law as it stands.

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Roksana View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Roksana Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 August 2008 at 3:44pm
Yah agreed...I dont have a problem with it either as only people who know that they abuse their kids will be afraid of this law, not good parents like you and I.

But every one doesnt see it that way I guess...and I for one dont want Govt to control every thing in my life but so far I have no problems with the laws in place in NZ.


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mum2paris View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote mum2paris Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 August 2008 at 8:39pm
The thing about this that irks me seriously, is the fact that people are saying "well it's laws like that that make it mean you can't discipline your kid, they can do whatever they like, no wonder kids are so terrible these days." blah blah blah

What a load of trash.   Again not meaning to sound self righteous at all, but out of my girls, who have never been hit - compared to a few others i know, including my nieces and nephews etc that have been brought up with that form of discipline for the nuaghty stuff. I can safely say, my girls tend to be more curteous to others, tends not to use violence to get their own ways in tussles with each other (not too often anyway) or their friends. and certainly are more polite and well behaved. so that's a huge load of bull, it's not about how many times you hit them, it's how much you're willing to work at solving the problem.   Hitting might stop them for 2 seconds, but they won't learn, they might learn that "if i touch this i will get hit" but they won't learn "If i touch this it's not safe for me" hence the earlier comment about learning to self-regulate behaviour.     My older sister had always been like this with her kids and has always kinda been on at them step by step by step constantly telling them this and that.     And hello, at 13 and 11, If you ask them to get ready to go out, or to do something, you still now have to give them blow by blow instructions and stand there and make sure they do it every step of the way.... my kids i can ask to get ready and they know this means for example to ge their jackets and hats on, get their shoes and sock and put them on, choose a toy to take in the car, Paris will often go and shut the windows for me without being asked etc.     Working together with mutual respect goes faaaaaaar further, teaching them to make the right decisions in life, in regards to all choices, and in regards to thinking about the choices they made about their behaviour - teaches them to really think about the consequences of their actions, and teaches them to be independant, without the worry of "if i don't do this mummy will get mad at me and give me a smack"

What Roksana said is right - the majority of ones that aren't worried about the petition are the ones that would only use a little tap to aler ttheir child to the danger etc, because they know that in that situation no sensible person is going to say " how dare you grab that childs arm and yank them back before they ran out onto the road full of cars". The ones that are afraid of the law are the ones that smack far too regularly, think that's the only way to get their child to do what whey want it to do, and who are afraid that to learn new ways to parent and work with their kids.

Edited by mum2paris
Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja

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busymum View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote busymum Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 August 2008 at 9:16pm
See it's so tricky. I don't advocate smacking but I also don't think someone should be branded a "criminal" because that's how they choose to discipline their kids. I'm not talking about hitting or leaving marks, just a simple swat to keep them in line. And this isn't even what we do, but I have seen it work and I think it's ok. It's also mostly how I was raised.

But the law does need to be worded properly because my impression is that "good" parents are left anxious over every little roughing that they might do. I used smacking against grabbing a hot cuppa as an example earlier; see with Kryssi she really is that age where she will persevere if you say no (and I'm not talking about leaving a cup around, just actually having a cuppa myself and she tries to grab it). Sometimes I think that a quick smack might work best for that kind of scenario - after I've already told her about 3 times. Obviously not the only option for discipline, but that shouldn't land me into Court.
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Roksana View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Roksana Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 August 2008 at 11:44am
I am with Janine, hitting kids dont make them learn and also doesnt make them respect their parents but fear them.

Z is also very well behaved and polite...well every one aways says she is...and that because since she was little we have been teaching her Right and wrong! She know that Oven/ Heater/stove etc is HOT so she never touchs it...I dont ever recall hitting her hand for trying to touch! May be I am lucky that she listens but I fee she respects us and I Know for sure she doesnt fear us! I wouldnt want it any other way!!

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mummy_becks View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote mummy_becks Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 August 2008 at 12:27pm

I think I will be voting to have it over turned. I use a smack on the palm as a last resort or if they have been told time and time again not to touch something. It is not the first thing I use it is the last and it works 99% of the time.

I don't use force (it is a tap on the hand) and I don't use anything but my own hand.

I have say as well, my parents did the same to us and we aren't in trouble with the law, yet my mum's sister who didn't do anything at let her children do as they please are in trouble with the law. Don't know if it is the result of dissapline (or lack thereof, or the love of the parents, as they weren't all that loved in the home) or not, and I don't think we ever will.

I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived!
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