I need some input ...

Hello chicky babes ...

I need some help/advice/input from you all ...

You all know that I have a new niece (daughter of my brother in law and sister in law). She's 4 weeks on Friday. Obviously, being my niece, I have a big place in my heart for her.

The thing is, I have been TTC for 11 cycles. Next week, I'll be on cycle 12. I feel really ...sad, I guess, and disappointed, and a little hopeless and a bit angry at this stage, and I try continually to keep those feelings under control, but most of you know how they get away on you sometimes - particularly when AF is due, and you know she's coming.

Between my MIL and my SIL I get text messages almost daily, and pxt and video messages about every other day of my niece. I love seeing how she's growing, and I don't want them to cut me out of the loop. But, its hard too, because I haven't managed to get pregnant. Other than the miscarriage of course. And even then, only a couple of days after my M/C my MIL and SIL sent me a pxt of her big pregnant tummy saying 'What do you think? 11 lber?" ...Not something I wanted right after a M/C, after 9 cycles! I think once the novelty has worn off, it might be different - but it's hard. I text my MIL the other day to say I'd just been out to lunch and had a gorgeous time, and she text me back, no mention of lunch, to tell me something about my niece.

The thing is, my MIL doesn't think, and my SIL, well, I like to think that she means well, but she has a history of being competitive with me (for eg. when she bought a second engagement ring, the first thing she did was text and tell me it was bigger than mine!), but then she is young - she's only just turned 21 this week.

So ...some words of wisdom ...? Any words at all really! 'Get over it' are the ones on repeat in my head at the mo

arrrgh! i just typed a novel, and when i submitted it my computer timed out... i cant be arsed retyping it just yet.
ginger i dont think you are out of line here, you are going through a really tough time, and you should never have to apologise for the way you feel. that only makes things worse for you, you end up thinking about things way too much, picking at your emotions and not letting things go. Vent away girl, vent away. At least we can be subjective, and competely on your side!

I know how you feel Ginger as I have been trying for 22 months and have never had a pregnancy.
It is hard, and other people's good news of pregnancies and new births can be heart wrenching. However, I know in my case that the worst thing in the world would be for my friends and family to not share their good news with me to 'protect' my feelings. I think other people do sympathise with my situation, but unless you've been there, it is impossible to understand it completely. I have stopped expecting people to be able to put themselves in my shoes, as they just can't. I just hold on to the faith that eventually it will be my turn (and yours ) and that then I will be the one sending texts and photos and news of my little one!

Ok..heres the thing. When I got pregnant I was very excited but also knew that the news is going to hit my SIL hard because shes been trying for 4-5 years and I only tried for 4months....so when I finally started to tell people I didnt make a big HOOOO HAAA about it.

The day I had my baby one of our closest friends found out that she is pregnant and we were over the moon...she loves Zaara dearly and we were all happy till at 10 weeks she had a m/c. My hubby went over with some flowers and chocolates and I stayed home with bub...the last thing she would have wanted to see is my bub...even tho she loves her to bits. When she was ready she came over to she her.....


So my point is....a little bit of understanding would have been nice from your MIL & SIL....but also it is understandable that they are excited about the new addition. So my advice is that be strong and learn to see the positive side of the situation. Like Becca said....it will be your turn soon enough...and when it is your bub and you will be the centre of all attention.

Hey, at the end of the day we are only human!

People do get obsessed with their new babies eh... especially first babies and any grandchildren (well, some grandparents are so bursting-proud they stay obsessed with their grandys forever!). It sucks when life gets really really unfair for a while, so I'm not going to give a 'count your blessings' speech or anything like that, 'cause while I haven't faced your battle and can't pretend I understand how you feel, I've faced another biggie and it's all well and good to look at the positive stuff instead, but only when you're good'n'ready and not because someone else told you to!

Sounds like the people in your family could be a little more sensitive, though. OK, so they don't understand how you feel, but a little more tact around the time of your miscarriage would have been fully called for! I wouldn't feel guilty about avoiding contact with your SIL if you just don't feel up to it on the day - she's probably got other people around her to see and share all her baby stuff with, has she? At least you can just yell at a txt and delete it if you're not in the space to deal with it when it arrives!

PS: uh... who cares what size diamond?!?!?

Don't worry ginger, hopefully the texts will slow down soon. If all else fails, just think, one day your niece will be a toddler. (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA) Like to see what the pxts/txts will be like at that stage. Felt pen on walls. Food all over the house. Mummy's best shoes worn in the sandpit.

By then you'll have a lovely little baby and you'll be able to laugh and laugh and laugh. (Although it might pay to keep that down to a quiet giggle as babies grow into those nasty little demons we refer to as toddlers.)

yay ginger, hopefully she will have listened to what you were saying, and will take it on board next time she wants to rave about the baby.

Hopefully - it's such a fine line to tread!!

< language=> yay im glad you said something. First things first - what your feeling is totally normal & totally acceptable!!!I too totally understand where your coming from. We have been TTC for close on 2 years & we are the last of the husbands family to have children (we have 4 nieces & 2 nephews so far) As much as I love them all I do find it hard to deal with the feelings and often after they have left I shed a tear or two (esp as 2 have been concieved & born since weve been TTC) also I have other friends out there who have ad kids too. Pretty much everyone is releltively understanding (apart from the MIL but thats expected) and they all keep asking how things are going. Pretty much everyone cant wait for us to have a child & we know that when we do have our children they will have been wanted.

Try to keep your chin up as hard as it can be sometimes your turn will come all of ours will maybe our children are being fussy as to what year they want to be born LOL

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Edited by Binkas Mum