How do I get over it?

Hi, I just need to write this down and be heard by people who understand.
DH and I had been TTC#1 for over 3 years until recently. I waited until I found the right person, married, financially secure and emotionally ready. He has a 7 year old from previous r/ship. After the first month I tested, BFN. Tested the 2nd month, BFN. And so it continued every single month for 3 effing years. There wasn't a month didn't pass when I wasn't analysing symptoms, charting, saliva testing, OPK, CM.
Then the medical part began - blood tests, sperm tests, lap & dye surgery, 4 rounds of chlomiphene and a failed IUI. Meanwhile friends and family were becoming pregnant. All through this we are explained infertility which means no public funding for IVF. Cracks started in our relationship and several times we have nearly separated and have decided not to TTC anymore.
I thought I could get through this but the maternal instinct is stronger than i thought and everyday is a struggle not to think of having my own wee bubba. How do others who have infertility get through this? Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.

Hugs hun, Didn't want to read & run.

It is such mental torture that we put ourselves through especially when it's supposed to be a happy time.

It took us a long time to concieve #2 we were blown away that it wasn't just a click of the fingers kind of thing & boy does it become all consuming in your brain.

I know you probably have tried everything but have you been to a nathuropath? My one "fixed" me, simple mineral imbalance.

angelmouse I thought that you could get public funded ivf if you have been trying long enough and that the iui would boost your points? Maybe worth double checking this - of course depends when they count the trying from-i thought it was five years??

It does seem unfair indeed that someone who is unexplained has to wait so long, I think it is crazy. Grrr feel so mad for you right now.

We talked about fostering when we had trouble tho I know it is not the same. Also had thoughts in my mind about asking one of my sisters to be a surrogate.

Whatever happens, I wish you well.

Thanks guys, yes the IUI did bump my points up to 63 but you need 65 to go on the waiting list. The FA said my points would only increase now with time. I had heard it may be 5 years TTC to be eligible for funding? But with DH turning 40 this month and me 35 the following, I really don't think we can leave it that long.

However the decision has been made not to continue but maybe chelle your suggestion of counselling would be good for me.

I appreciate having others to talk to about this so will probably hang around on this site as they have this thread specifically for infertility which alot of other parenting sites don't.

thank you itchyfeet, have looked at that site and will join up i wasn't sure if the 40 age was for the man or woman...