Advice Please Ladies..

I have an issue... Im not sure if I am just being sensitive or if this person is just being really selfish... But its really bothering me, and just need an outside opinion. But will start at the start huh!

This is about a mutual friend of my cousin and myself (but she is my cousins best friend)

We are all very close, all used to go out for coffees, shopping and all party together, when my cousin couldn't go out we used to have a blast and go to gigs etc... None of us ever felt put out if the other couldn't make it. Everything was sweet.

My cousin and her boyfriend decided they were going to have a baby so she stopped going out, apart from the odd coffee catch ups, then I met my guy and we fell pregnant. And 2 other friends had fallen pregnant. This particular friend had also wanted to have a baby as 'the other girls are too" but her boyfriend at the time wasnt ready for it and it kinda freaked him at, but as it was what she really wanted he gave in and decided they will try. She turned into spermzilla and their relationship ended a short while after. Round the same time I had missed MC so was a mess, her response "well least you can drink again". But I did notice she kept her distance.

We tried again, and this time around things are going along nicely with bubs.

A few months ago we all went to another friends baby shower, the friend who wanted a baby was really rude, unless she was holding the conversation (about her hair, nails, men) she was on her cellphone and would just ignore all conversation regarding the other girls babies.

I announced I was pregnant to the girls when we were all leaving and they were all happy since this is my first, but this friend didn't really acknowledge anything instead moaning how she hopes she can get home again cos shes running low on petrol.

That was a few months ago, I haven't heard anything from her since she found out, she has still caught up with the other girls (as they meet up for drinks and coffee) but I haven't gotten an invite at all, I have asked her over or if she wants to catch up and she says she doesn't have enough petrol.

At my birthday tea start of this year her attitude was the same, unless she was talking about herself, she just blatantly rude and started off into the distance. Or would cut into the conversation.

I have discussed this with my cousin as I am planning my baby shower and don't know if I should even invite her. If I don't it will cause trouble with the group of us, but if I do, being as blatantly rude as she has been will annoy the @#$% out of me.

My cousin has noticed that if she talks about her wee one, she switches off, and has said to me, she thinks she finds it hard to be happy for us all when she is feeling miserable and lonely.

But the way I see it is that she is 34, has a 12 year old son who lives with his father and has had a few abortions (not so long ago) for what ever reason its her choice but its not that she CAN'T have children and if she can't be happy for her friends, she is not a good friend at all!

I just feel sad that it has turned to this, sounds all very high school when we are in fact almost 30!!!

Phew sorry this is sooooo long, but would you invite her or just leave it knowing @#%% will hit the fan if you don't?


aaaaarghhh

Are you worried about possibly losing her as a friend? If you are not worried then don't invite her if that is what you want to do. If you want to try one more time to be friends then invite her.

To me it sounds like she is jealous and as your cousin said is finding it hard to be happy for you all. It does remind me of high school though!

at least you can drink again!! OMG. In some situations you do need to look on the bright side...but in this case - that is sooo insensitive.
Like others have said....she sounds a little too self involved and unhappy with life to be a good friend right now. I would not be inviting her.

Yeah sounds hell jealous to me. I don't think you should have her there if you think she'll ruin your shower but I guess it depends on how great the fall out would be afterwards.

And lol at "spermzilla"

From what you said I think that she might be very desperate to have a baby but due to circumstances can't right now - as you said her bf didn't want to and I assume she either doesn't have a current bf or the new one doesn't want to as well.

Wanting a baby but not being able to can do very strange things to people and it might be extrememly hard on her to be around people who have babies. Maybe her way of coping is to focus on other stuff in her life.

I'm not saying this is the only reason but it seems things changed when you and your friend got pregnant. Why don't you ask her - straight out - if this is the problem. If she is a good friend then she won't be upset by you telling her how her behaviour is making you feel especially if you ask if it's because of the baby thing. If she gets really upset by you talking to her about it and cuts off any more contact then you are no worse off.

Thanks girls, I really cant be bothered with the attitude and yeah hopefully she doesnt have the petrol haha...

Her want for baby so badly has changed her personality, but when she fell pregnant she chose not to have them as it didn't suit (it wasn't too long ago)... so it might just be me, but I don't understand the whole cold shoulder and am taking very personal probably bit too much, and yeah she might just even turn up anyway with her $2 shop gift (shes good like that also haha)

I agreewith the other advice, if there is a chance she is going to upset you then I wouldn't invite her.

I think its not just that you are having a baby that is making her like this but the whole package, i.e. a family, loving partner, good relationship and a baby. I know as a friend you want her to be able to rise above how she feels and be happy for you but she doesn't sound like she is in a good head space at the moment and hopefully things will change for her and she will go back to how she was.

Enjoy your baby shower!

It sounds like she's desperate for a baby, running out of time, and jealous as hell of you. To make things worse she's had these abortions and her only child doesn't live with her. This is probably making her feel either guilty or dissapointed with how life is turning out. If it was me I'd back off for awhile. Don't let someone make you feel bad because their life isn't working out so well.