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Chan2 
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Joined: 10 April 2013
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 Topic: Devastated
Posted: 12 May 2013 at 4:45pm |
I found out 2 days ago that I had had a missed miscarriage. I was 8 weeks pregnant and had gone for a routine scan at FA. I'm feeling unbelievably devastated and heartbroken. I also feel alone in this. My husband doesn't seem to be feeling the loss as acutely as I do. Neither do my in-laws. They haven't called to ask how we are coping. I feel so devastated and alone in this. 
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epictraveller
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Joined: 29 May 2011
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Posted: 12 May 2013 at 10:16pm |
Chan, I've just been through this as well, had a missed miscarriage at 5w4d that we had confirmed at the 8 week scan. Absolutely horrible, I just found myself crying all the time. I had a D&C a week ago and my mental state has been a lot better since then, but there was an entire month of limbo, really nasty. So I don't have a lot of advice, if they think you might miscarry naturally (by checking your HCG levels) then it's a case of waiting, or if you need the physical closure, push for a D&C. In my case I really needed to feel in control so doing that helped for me but it really is a personal choice and about how you feel. I'm really sorry this has happened to you PM me if you want a chat, but otherwise, good luck, it is completely unfair and horrible but it does happen for a reason (I never thought that would make me feel any better but it did). xo
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#1  Angel babies April 2013, Nov 2013 IVF #1 Nov 2013-CP IVF #2 May 2014-BFN IVF #3 Feb 2015-BFN DS Jun 2015-BFN Oct 16 -Natural BFP! TTC #2
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redtulip
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Posted: 17 May 2013 at 6:45pm |
Hi Chan2, have only just seen your post - so sorry to hear of your loss and of how you've been feeling. Please don't feel alone, if you want to chat or ask any questions you've found the right place. It can be hard not knowing anyone who's experienced m/c but there are plenty of ladies here to support you- sending you big hugs, take care x 
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5 wee Angels - Always in our hearts - Aug '11, Feb '12, Aug '12, Feb '13, Aug '13
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Tara13
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Posted: 17 May 2013 at 8:54pm |
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Hi chan2, I too have experienced this. Discovered a missed miscarriage during a scan, baby was 9 weeks. It's an unbelievably shocking and sad time. It's also extra hard I think cuz not many people know about it by that stage so you dint really get the support you need. Also honestly no one can understand or say the right thing unless they've been thru it themselves. It's such a private grief.
Please keep talking to your husband about your feelings, that's all you can do. And cry if you need to! I still get teary every now and then, but it does get easier. Like epic I felt better after the D&C, easier to come to acceptance. My thoughts are with you
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Chan2
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Posted: 22 May 2013 at 9:32pm |
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Thank you, everyone. I had a D&C last week and coming to accept the loss. I feel thankful to have 2yo DD - have to keep it together for her.
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Pitter patter
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Posted: 22 May 2013 at 10:34pm |
Hi Chan really glad you are feeling a bit better. I too had a missed miscarriage, mine was picked up at 10 weeks. They say it takes 6 months to get over a miscarriage, but this is obviously different for different people. When i first heard that I thought that sounded like ages but in hindsight i think it is about right, for me getting over it was a bit 2 steps forward and 1 step back, but for me ttc again has actually helped me move on. If/when you are ready there are quite a few of us in the tww thread that have had miscariages. Big hugs to you xx
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 TTC number 2 since April 2011 MC Nov 12 Formally Mamma2one
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Chan2
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Posted: 23 May 2013 at 1:01pm |
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My initial thoughts when we found out about the miscarriage was that I was never EVER going to try to have more children. I didn't think I'd have the strength to put myself through something like this again. But now thinking about TTC again. It does feel a little soon, but I don't want too much of an age gap between DD and the next one, so have to put myself out there.
We go through FA. It took three cycles of clomiphene to conceive last time and I was pretty much on the maximum dose, I think. Meeting with my endocrinologist next week to see what she says. Even if we decide to wait a while, at least I'll know what the way forward is.
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redtulip
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Posted: 24 May 2013 at 7:31pm |
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Sounds like a great idea to meet with her chan - always nice to be able to see a way forward. Can totally understand the fear of maybe having to go through the same thing again - but from all that I've been told and have read your risk of m/c hasn't increased after one m/c. I hope that puts your mind and heart at ease a little. Goodluck for whenever you decide to try again - as mumma2 one has said, lots of us over in tww who have suffered loss so are around to support you if you want to join in x
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Pepi-bebe
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Posted: 25 May 2013 at 2:52pm |
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Hi chan, I hope you are doing okay. I haven't been on ohbaby much lately as we are currently taking a break from TTC, so just saw your post today.
I've had 2 MC and it's a grueling process. Ours were missed MC's, baby was approximately 8wks both times and we didn't find out till 11w, 5d. We have no other kids. We have tricky circumstances around conceiving so after the last MC had to wait about 8mths to try again. We tried 7 cycles in a row, doing donor inseminations and now have had to stop again for the foreseeable future. It's a real loo not knowing when we might be able to try again.
I found the Internet a real source of support and normalization of my feelings. Try reading some TTC blogs, search using terms like 'TTC, miscarriage' etc and see what you come up with. I found reading others blogs really helped me to understand my grief.
Also, Auckland Miscarriage Support website had some great pages of support info, grief info, ideas for partners and family on how to support etc.
Good luck.
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Chan2
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Posted: 27 May 2013 at 3:20pm |
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Thank you everyone. Having a low day today, so logged on to read the messages of support and saw the new messages, which has made me feel a bit better.
We went out for a cafe brunch and the magazine I picked up had an article about secondary infertility. As I read through it, I couldn't help crying! Feeling quite embarrassed by that episode...safe to say won't be visiting that cafe for a while.
Redtulip, I can't tell you how encouraged I am by what you've said about my chances of a miscarriage not being increased. My appt with FA is on Wed and I've been feeling really scared.
Pepi-bebe, I've been reading a lot of blogs and forum posts about people's experiences with miscarriages. In fact, I've come across some of your previous posts about your experiences. I think you're incredibly courageous.
Thanks again, everyone, for the support. Truly appreciate it.
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Devastated