Toddler dealing with daddy’s death

If anyone has any real life experience with helping a toddler deal with the grief of losing a parent, advice would be greatly appreciated.
We lost my partner 10 days ago, suddenly and unexpectedly, he was father to our DD age 2 years 3 months.
We have been really honest with her, telling her Daddy died, he isn't coming back and the part of Daddy that loved her, his spirit, is like a butterfly now and he doesn't need his body anymore. We had him home with us for several days before the funeral and let her see him whenever she wanted to. It is still difficult for her to understand though.
We are lucky to have alot of support from friends and family. There are plenty of books to read, but what would be really useful is to hear from people who have gone through this with a toddler before. Recommendations of books to read to her, how you dealt with grief behaviour etc. Thank you

I too have no advice, but my heart goes out to you. I can't begin to imagine what you're going through and I hope you have lots of support around you, not just now but continuing into the future. Take care.

Can't read and run either, my deepest deepest sympathy, it sounds like you are doing an amazing job, kids surprise us, keep talking I think its the only way.

 

 

I'm so so sorry for you loss Unfortunately I can't offer any more advice but I think what you are doing with her (being open and honest is really good.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm not sure what advice to offer either, sorry, but the one thing I though was maybe you could ring the Plunket helpline as they might have contact info for support groups or similar. It's worth a try.

Just awful to hear nuts_nats, the only advise I can give you is from a toddlers point of view. My brother died when I was very young actually I was just 5 so a little older but my younger brother was about 2 or 3. Unfortunately my parents found it very hard as to be expected but my mum took it all out on me alot of the time physically as she was suffering from pnd too. It was awful the whole thing was as me and my brother were grieving too, but my parents thought that we wouldn't understand. But we did understand, maybe not the whole process but we understood that Peter had died which meant he had gone to heaven and would never be with us anymore. One good thing my parents told us is that God thought he was too good for earth and he took him back to be with him in heaven. I don't know if you are religious or not but that helped us alot.

Do what you are already doing, be open and honest with her, tell her her daddy loves her and that his spirit will always be there with her and that he will watch over her from heaven. Have some time with just you and her talking.
This is only my point of view from when I was a toddler. Also what else might be a good idea is to keep her husbands spirit alive for her years down the track by showing her photos of him and telling her stories about how they use to play together or his reaction when she was born or funny things he did.

Its so great you have good support from family and friends and I'm so so sorry for your terrible loss it really isn't fair.

Hi nuts_nats,
Again, condolences - wishing you every comfort during this time.

We published an article on how to talk to young ones about grief way back in Issue 2 of OHbaby! magazine. You can read it here. I hope it's helpful to you.

It sounds like you are being an awesome mum simply by being aware, and learning more, of your little ones needs.

Hugs from all of us at OHbaby!

My condolences to you. I read an article written by Nigel Latta in a recent LIttlies magazine that covered all these issues. It was the November 2011 edition - sorry I don't have a copy, but someone else on here maybe able to help?

My heart goes out to you i cant even imagine what the two of you are going through. wishing you lots of strength and love

Nats,
I am so sorry for your loss. That is a lot to take in and grieve for yourself while also looking after a child and managing their grief and understanding as well. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your daughter right now.
We have had an article in our magazine by Dr Melanie Woodfield on dealing with grief here: http://www.ohbaby.co.nz/under-5/parenting-toddlers/good-grief/
At the bottom of this is also some further reading -

I can ask Melanie if she can recommend anything someone to talk to, any groups etc? I know that if you go to your GP and say you'd like your daughter and yourself to get some counselling they can give you a voucher for government funded counselling - i think it's about 6 sessions they pay for, which might equip you to cope and help explain things to your daughter and manage through this.

I will let you know - if you can email me angela@ohbaby.co.nz I'll email you the information direct.

HUGE ENORMOUS HUGS!!!
XXX