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Ant 
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Joined: 22 April 2009
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 Topic: 2yo shoving other kids - help!
Posted: 14 December 2011 at 1:48pm |
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Need some help please! We had to leave coffee group today as my lad (2 next week) keeps shoving one of the other kids. Walks up, shoves him so that he falls over. I was telling him not to (yeah right - effective as tits on a bull) but was feeling crappy and distracted with the Lass (now 4 months old and coming off a growth spurt - so I'm pretty tired!). Finally the mum, understandably, snapped and told me to make him stop it.
I gave him a talking to, he hit me, I tried to firmly talk to him some more (he was pretty upset at this point) and we left. My friend was good about it saying it's the age and they all do it, but I appreciate she's getting fed up.
It happens every week to some degree. And this other boy has just had a cast removed and is getting over tonsillitis. So it wasn't fun and games for him - it was causing tears.
These kids seem to like each other - it's not as if he can't stand him or anything. They sometimes give hugs etc. But my lad shoves this kid a lot. I'm not sure if it's because he falls over and he can, or quite what. But I really don't know what to do. I know I could just leave every time, but not sure how effective this would be with someone we see less than once a week - and frankly coffee group helps keep me sane.
Time out's outside? Some other punishment? Just trying to keep them away from each other until my guy gets a bit older? Argh!!!!
Anyone else dealing with this and have any idea?
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Kellz
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Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: Gisborne
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Posted: 15 December 2011 at 7:45am |
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Its very normal toddler behaviour. I wouldnt be inclined to punish or do timeout- that will be even more stressful for both of you. I would say something like "we dont push, thats not nice behaviour", and redirect him to play with something else. They need to be showen what behaviuor is expected.
Where is your coffee group held? Is there plenty of outdoor stuff for your boy to play on/do,...sounds like the sort of behaviour my son - 2 in Jan, does when hes bored or not getting attention. He is fine at our weekly playgroup that is held at a playcentre - where there are bikes, sandpit, climbing frame, play house etc etc, but if we are at the library of at a cafe etc he will behave like that.
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E&L+1
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Posted: 15 December 2011 at 8:10am |
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One approach is to give lots of attention to the child who has been pushed etc and ignoring the child who did the pushing. When you have addressed that then talk to the other child about the behaviour and why it was not ok. Then redirect.
I also read an article recently about rather than getting children to say sorry get them to say they won't do it again as it has more meaning.
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Ant
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Posted: 15 December 2011 at 1:16pm |
Thanks for the replies!
We rotate people's houses, and there were only 3 of use this week, so was more of an issue than usual.
We'll work on it so hopefully by the time we have coffee group next (after christmas) I've got a clear plan of attack - lots of chance to practice as he's recently started biting his sister  
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Kellz
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Posted: 15 December 2011 at 1:26pm |
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The giving attention to the injured child first thing totally works too!
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Lucky apple
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Posted: 16 December 2011 at 8:53pm |
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Hard one!
I've got a wee bit of a different view - Given that this is quite an issue with the other group members, I actually think this might be a good place to use time out - age appropriately (ie just for a couple of minutes & coupled with explanation about why) Sends the message that it is not ok to push other children, and if you are going to push then that means you miss out on the fun/playing for a short time. I think I would be inclined to have a 3 warning system....2 times time out...and 3rd time, "well that's such a shame that you pushed Johnny, we are going to have to go home"....Hard one, cos you miss out on the catch up too...but, clear and consistent. I would explain to Mr 2 at the outset what sort of behaviour you expect, and that if there is pushing, then you'll need to go home. Although I know it happens with 2 year olds (pushing) I think it's an ok age to start teaching them that it's not ok behaviour...we (typically!) don't see adults doing it (and if they are, then that's not good!!)
The other ideas about giving attention to other children's appropriate behaviour is good....and the redirection and positive reinforcement (praise) for appropriate activities.
I know it's a slightly different view from what other's have expressed, but I think that's what I would do in that situation. Good luck! Puts the pressure on, doesn't it, when other mum's start expressing their unhappiness!
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2yo shoving other kids - help!
