Loving 2 kids enough

Aw RuthyH, going from 1 to 2 children was hard for me too.

As I was walking to the car in labour with DD, I stood and bawled my eyes out knowing that I was taking the 'only child status' away from DS - I knew once I got into that car and drove away that I'd come back a Mum of two and I was petrified for myself, DS and DD. I was worried he would hate me for bringing home 'someone else' and I was worried DD would hate me for already having 'someone else'.

Once I met DD I was absolutely in love with her - but I kept thinking about DS and worrying that he would think I didn't love him as much because I wasn't there when he woke up that morning, I thought he would hate me forever.

I came home with DD and yes, it was hard. I was emotional anyway with lack of sleep and trying to cope with everything and everyone as best I could - it was hard. I felt like I should have been able to cope right away, like it should have been completely natural but it wasn't. It took some getting used to and I felt like I couldn't do them both justice.

What REALLY helped was when DS accepted DD, after a couple of weeks he would get annoyed if I put her down before he gave her a kiss, he would give her a cuddle when she woke up and the moment I knew I'd done the right thing was when we'd all had a rough day, DD started to cry while I was in the kitchen, DS ran and pulled a blanket and dummy from her bassinet and brought them to her in her bouncer. I cried then too!

I had to remind myself a lot that one of the main reasons we had another baby was because I loved DS so much, I wanted him to have a sibling, a permanent live-in friend, someone to play with, laugh with, reek havoc with

It's completely normal to feel like you just don't have enough love to go around but I promise it gets better

Agree, it will get better. Hormones and sleep deprivation don't help matters. The kids just have to deal with things the way they are and they will. Neither will know any different shortly and if it weren't this way you might have ended up with an only child who blamed you for their lack of siblings later. Nothing is ever perfect. I am one of two and we had our issues with sibling rivalry but i always maintain i wish my mum had had another when i was a bit older. I would have loved a little brother/sister when i was at school. Instead i got a nephew when i was 14 and it was great!

I don't have my second (yet!) but I wonder the same thing. The thing that helps me is that I am one of six kids, and whilst that meant I never really got much in the way of undivided attention from my parents, I have the best of friends in my siblings - and I still do. They add so much to my life - honestly, compared to DH who has only a sister, and spent a lot more time with his parents than I did - I think I win hands down. Especially as we are all now at fairly similar stages of our lives, whereas our parents have moved on well beyond our interests etc at this point. So you might be taking away some of the parental time, but I think it's more than paid back in the sibling you've given him.

The day I found out I was pregnant with number 2 I thought that exact same thought. Throughout my pregnancy I still had those thoughts and the moment number 2 came into the world I still had those thoughts. Took a few weeks and it all came together. Big hugs those first few days and weeks with 2 is hard but your heart will know what to do.

 

Thank you for posting that RuthyH. Im all teary now after reading it (darn pregnancy hormones lol), as I can imagine what a difficult, emotional time it is while you are all adjusting to the change. I am so scared about how i will cope with two and it makes me feel really sad to think it will not just be DS and I anymore. Everyone just seems to say - you will love them both the same and it all works out, but in some ways it's good to be prepared to feel the way you do. It's also good to hear from others further down the track, and to know that even though it is difficult in the beginning, and this is normal, that it DOES get better.
I can't offer any advice, but I really feel for you!