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anon 
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Joined: 25 January 2009
Location: Auckland
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 Posted: 08 July 2010 at 3:59pm |
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NB: Mentioned the word "misbehaving" to make light of it really.
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amme_eilyk
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Joined: 30 September 2009
Location: Feilding
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Posted: 08 July 2010 at 6:31pm |
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we dont fight often, but when we do i am the one who storms out. normally i just go and get into bed. if i'm really sh*tty then I go and get in the spare bed. DH usually comes after me and we talk about things before going back.
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fire_engine
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Joined: 03 November 2007
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Posted: 08 July 2010 at 7:06pm |
Don't be too hard on yourself. Personally, I would find swearing at me etc to be really inappropriate and would be sending him out to cool down (but yeah, probably not to the ILs  ), and I really like the idea of leaving him with the baby and *you* head out for a drink.
Every relationship is different but for me, the bottom line is showing mutual respect, after all, your baby may be watching/hearing and if he sees dad treat mum disrespectfully with no consequences, what message is that giving him for a) how he treats you and b) how he treats people in the future. I know he's only little, but kids pick up on a lot in the first few years.
I struggle with the fine line between wanting my kids to learn how to deal with conflict (we were not allowed conflict when I was growing up and I'm seriously passive-aggressive, silent treatment here) but also to see that mum and dad have a solid relationship and are a strong team.
 . Not easy.
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Mum to two wee boys
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anon
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Posted: 08 July 2010 at 7:37pm |
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Thanks Flissty - no, not easy... is a big challenge! I hope that we'll be able to figure it out a bit better as DS gets older.
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anon
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Posted: 08 July 2010 at 7:37pm |
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Thanks Flissty - no, not easy... is a big challenge! I hope that we'll be able to figure it out a bit better as DS gets older.
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MindyW
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Joined: 01 November 2008
Location: New Zealand
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Posted: 08 July 2010 at 7:59pm |
Newlywed dont be so hard on yourself! I understand that sending him out is probably easier than you leaving your son behind I wouldnt personally kick DH out, but on saying that I also know that he wouldnt go anyways! I've been married to my DH for 4 years but we've been together for 13 years, and yes we argue!
I agree with Flissty completely, its a hard situation and I can completely understand not letting your DH speak to you like that in front of your son also.
I'm really sorry I have no actual advice for you, everyones situations are different as are personalties etc, I would maybe recommend conselling or a mutual anger management class- I'm suggesting that maybe you go to so it doesnt seem like you are putting all the blame on your DH cos I think that would put his back up straight away.
I'm also a big believer in not goin to bed angry or still fighting, I had relatives who did this and one died in the night so they never got to make up or say sorry etc, so not worth it!
Also remeber that noones relationship is "perfect", it can be pretty darn close to, but not "perfect"
Take care
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My Beautiful Little Emily
We've Waited for You Forever!
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anon
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Posted: 08 July 2010 at 8:11pm |
Thanks - and all the best for your little one about to arrive on the scene 
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Kazper
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Posted: 08 July 2010 at 8:13pm |
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Yeh don't worry, every one has a different way to how they cope with relationship issues.
We use to do silent treatment, but over the years we realised that got neither of us anywhere and didn't actually resolve anything so we will have a little spat - hopefully without raising voices and later try and laugh over it and resolve it. Works most of the time.
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queenbean
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Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: Napier
Points: 1974
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Posted: 08 July 2010 at 8:21pm |
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I have to say I'm impressed your DH actually left when you asked him to!! Mine would totally dig his heels in if I asked him to leave. If we ever have a big argument, I'm the one to storm off!! Hope you can work it all out hun, I'm terrible at arguments, give the total silent treatment and I stew for days!!!
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WestiesGirl
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Location: Aotearoa - In the 'Sunny' S.I
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Posted: 08 July 2010 at 11:34pm |
OMG sorry totally OT but huge congrats QB. I soo didnt know you were UTD again   Congrats!!
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Our Angel July 08  Gone but not forgotten
And to complete our family, our princess has arrived
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minik8e
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Location: Taranaki
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Posted: 08 July 2010 at 11:48pm |
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Oh wow, congrats Queenbean!! That wasn't there earlier, I'm sure!!
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queenbean
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Location: Napier
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Posted: 09 July 2010 at 8:22am |
Hahaha, no it wasn't, just put the ticker up last night! Just had a clear NT scan this week, so brave enough to go public now. Thanks ladies!! 
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Chops1975
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Joined: 08 August 2009
Location: Helensville
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Posted: 11 July 2010 at 10:04am |
I agree with most that has been said but really want to add this:
I don't think having an argument or two in front of kids is going to damage them forever...
I think it is dis respect and abuse (mental or physical) that causes major issues...
I think an argument once in a while is even good...I actually think it is good for kids to see that you can be upset with eachother when you love eachother...as long as they also see that you talk things over and hopefully kiss and make up....I think it is healthy for them to see that you can have your own opinion...not agree and still get along...even if it is after calming down for a while
Maybe it comes down to how sensitive people are about what's being said and how it's said... I might not worry about things that enrage you...IYKWIM
to me there's a big difference between an argument or continuous disrespect during arguments ...not sure what your situation really is but if it's the last then couselling would be a good idea in my eyes...
*edited to change stupid spelling and language mistakes*
Edited by Chops1975
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What do you do when your DH misbehaves??
