What To Do When It’s Not ’Your Turn’ ??

I can understand family being important to you and to a certain degree I can understand what you're trying to say. But honestly I think you need to do whats right for your family.

Your sister and SIL may keep there distance for a while and may find it hard but if family is as important to them like it obviously is to you they won't let it come between you.

Maybe even mention you're considering trying for another before you fall pregnant so that have some time to get used to the idea.

Just my opinion of course, good luck :)

I agree with Hadlam and clover - I highly doubt that your relatives, if they could, would wish to prevent you from having more children before they had some of their own. Of course it will be hard for them initially but hopefully one day you will all have children and it won't really matter how/when they all came about.

I think Hadlam's suggestion is a good one, to mention the possibility of having another child to them at an early stage. Obviously you have no idea how long it might take you to conceive again but if you don't want to spring it on them you could let them know you're trying so that they have some time to get used to the idea - that way their initial reaction when you actually do get pregnant is less likely to be negative/disappointment.

Good luck!

Hi Kyes,

Firstly that's lovely of you to consider their feelings.

I'm in the boat of needing IVF and my BIL and SIL announced a little while ago they were pregnant with number 4. It hurt like hell and we were really gutted - we also worked out we had been trying since just after they got pregnant with number 1 and now they are on number 4!!

BUT in saying that we would have never expected them in a million years to put off having a baby for us. It's been hard, but once the baby is here it will heal us - babys are such great healers!

It's going to be hard, and it has been hard watching her growing belly but we have to be strong to do IVF and things like this can only make you stronger.

You have to also think of yourself, imagine if you put it off for them and then suddenly you found yourself in their position. You just never know.

The only thing I would say and I'm sure you will consider their feelings when you have already done so, is tell them on their own and in a nice way - that's what my bestie did with me and BIL did with us.

Good luck TTC and telling them your news, also good luck to them both on their journeys :)

I have kind of been in this situation. We are having our 3rd and my sister and her husband are currently waiting for IVF.

I knew that it would hurt my sister but we also had to look at what was right for our family. It hasn't been easy on either me or my sister. We don't really talk about my pregnancy and we don't talk as much as we used to. I guess it is a bit like the elephant in the room that nobody wants to mention. She lives in England so is not having to watch my pregnancy IYKWIM.

I really believe that once I have the baby the issues will get a lot better. I hope that once the pregnancy is a real baby we can move on.

It isn't a great situation and I do feel really bad for hurting her but we have to do what is right for us.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do

Kyes wrote: So fingers crossed that waiting till november will have them on their way to their own family and I can have a guilt free pregnancy and remain close with my sisters.

Hmmm Kyes, just another thought though from someone that is on the infertility ride. Is the only reason you're waiting to November is for them?

Because I would think you're best to try now rather than wait then and get prengnant in November (since you get pregnant straight away) as it would be a lot harder on you and them if their IVF doesn't work and then bang you're pregnant straight after their failed cycle! Would be far less hurtful you getting pregnant now than straight after IVF.

That's if you're waiting to November just for them.

I did worry about what would happen if they lost their pregnancies and I remained pregnant.

I Just dont want to hurt them.

I think its lovely that you are being so considerate of their feelings,however,the others are right,you need to think about whats right for your family first and foremost.

Btw,I had a 7 year gap,it was awesome (not suggesting you do that,but just so you know gaps bigger than 3 years aren't necessarily a bad thing )

Thanks everyone. You have all been lovely to talk too

This is interesting because I know I may find myself in this position somewhere down the track. DH and I are not ready to have another one at all yet, but I feel like I should wait until my older sister has had her first before I have another, because I want her to get the special experience of having a baby and having everyone fuss over you, without me getting in the way by having a baby too. My cousin and her sister in law had babies at the same time, it was my cousins 1st and her SILs 4th and I feel like my cousin didn't get the attention she should have gotten from her parents because of it. It is such a special time having your first baby and I want my sister to enjoy that, but she wants to wait a couple more years as she is very much into her career, so I don't know how its all going to pan out. Similarly I know my BIL and SIL will have another baby before we do even though their first is a year younger than ours and I will struggle when the time comes, because part of the reason why we dont want another yet is because I had PND and we struggled and because we can't really afford it, when they can easily afford it and their 1st baby was easy. But that is my problem and not theirs.

I agree with telling them you are going to try so it doesn't come out of nowhere and they have a chance to get their heads around it. I think you should probably try when it best suits you and your family to try. You wont hurt them, they will be upset because of their circumstances understandably so, but they wouldn't want you to not have your baby because of it. Babies do heal people and it will all work out in the end. I think being honest is the best way. They are going to hurt no matter what whether you have another or not, someone will always be having a baby and so they will always feel hurt until their journey brings them a baby, but that's not your fault.