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ChildsPlay
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Topic: Pregnant with 3rd - Feeling overwhelmed Posted: 07 September 2010 at 9:15am |
DP and I are expecting our 3rd baby and so far we have recieved mostly positive comments but the last couple of comments from loved ones have been rather negative..
My brother said we were crazy and suggested that DP couldn't keep it in his pants..
Then when we told DP's parents on Sunday, there was no congratulations, hugs, lovely comments nothing..
We got: Oh No, How are you going to afford that..? Haven't you had a vasectomy yet..? Where is the 3rd one going to sleep..? And the doozy: Poor DD and DS haven't had a chance to be babies or little kids and you're adding another one..!!
I felt sick.. Poor DP - his face just sunk when he started hearing all the negativity.. It's no wonder he doesn't want much to do with his family.. Mine are estatic (apart from brother) about our news.. I think he was hoping they would be too..
None of our pregnancies were congratulated by his parents.. It really sux..
I rang and confronted his mum yesterday about her comments and she said that they are "Concerned" we won't cope with 3 under 3..
It's funny.. I'm not the first woman to have 3 children and not the last and they all survived including herself.. Don't want to sound bitchy but she is a terrible mum - that's probably why she struggled with her lot. My mum had 3 - one was severely handicap and she did a great job..!
Just feeling overwhelmed now.. I'm trying to get all positive and happy about our pregnancy but with such horrible comments it makes you feel real down about it all...
Wish I could wash them from my life completely and just get on.. I have no time for such negativity..!
Thanks for the vent...!
Edited by ChildsPlay
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frankie
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Joined: 16 December 2009
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Posted: 07 September 2010 at 9:35am |
Poor you, I think that's terrible that they have reacted in such a way and can understand how upsetting it would have been. Hugs!
I say if you and your DH want and love this baby that is all that matters. I would just completely ignore anything they have to say and focus on the fact that you and your DH are thrilled to be bringing another little life into the world. Your DS and DD will have plenty of fun times with another sibling, the more the merrier in that sense. You are also right that plenty of people have done this before you. Children essentially need love and security. The hard stuff (like finances) you will deal with as you go along. It sounds as though you will be providing the essential things for your children so I say good on you.
Easier said than done but just ignore them, its your life and your decision.
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myfullhouse
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Joined: 29 July 2007
Location: West Auckland
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Posted: 07 September 2010 at 9:40am |
Congratulations on your pg!!
I am sorry to hear that you received negative comments, especially from 'loved ones'. I know it is easier said than done but try and ignore them.
Wow, imagine what a wonderful time your kids will have being so close in age, they will grow together and be the best of friends I am sure
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newme
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Posted: 07 September 2010 at 10:43am |
I know that it is really hard when family act this way - my own mother-in-law has only acknowledged this pregnancy , by making one comment in almost 6.5 months, which was: 'gee, you are really big'.
Just try and ignore it, it is the only way. Maybe if they go on about the money just say that kids are only as expensive as you make them, and what they really need is love, and you have plenty of that.
don't let anyone bring you down - creating a beautiful new life is an exciting time and you should be happy.
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Marengo
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Posted: 07 September 2010 at 12:25pm |
oh my gosh that is horrible! with my last pregnancy i got lfrom my sister and parents 'ooh i hope you dont miscarry its to early to tell people" (we told as soon as we found out we were so excited) then when i did miscarry i felt the i told you so's coming..
you have a wonderful partner who is excited aobut another baby.. two healthy kids, and you are right to be thrilled! as time goes along i'm sure the comments they made will not worry you quite so much as you look forward to your new baby..
how exciting it wil mean a wonderful bond between your kids as they are all close in age and can really enjoy being kids together! wonderful!
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Kalimirella
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Posted: 07 September 2010 at 1:00pm |
Do try to ignore all that negativity, You are wonderful parents, wanting to bring up another child in your loving family has very little to do with them. As others have said money may be a problem but trust me the kids will NOT notice!!!
I come from a family of 4 kids under 4 and we loved growing up so close together. My parents were very hard up for cash but at the time we didn't notice. My mum was just more inventive in games and cooking dinners etc.
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Kiara is 3 and Teagan is 2, now we're expecting our long awaited 3rd!
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Blat3
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Posted: 08 September 2010 at 2:52pm |
Oh you poor thing. I was really lucky and got mostly support when I announced I was pregnant with #3. My girls were 8 and 5 when we decided to have another, and the announcement did shock a lot of people, but I had mostly support.
The main thing to remember is that YOU and your partner are the ones that count. You are the ones that have to cope with it all, no one else. This is your decision and at the end of the day you are an adult and don't have to justify your decisions to anyone.
I hope as time goes by your family come around a bit more and show a lot more support. If they don't, I am sure their hearts will melt when they see the new edition. Also, just because a new baby is coming, doesn't mean your others can't be babies still. It isn't like they are going to age!
Enjoy your pregnancy!
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nicandtyler
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Posted: 08 September 2010 at 4:31pm |
 those are terrible things to hear when you're pregnant, when I told my dad I was pregnant he was so negative and told me that I should seriously consider not keeping it  and that i would never finish uni and it was a huge mistake. I didnt speak to him for a few weeks and when I saw him again he was OK and gradually became more and more supportive. On the other hand my mum was fantastic and was with me every step of the way like you say your mum was, and that was all that mattered to me, just enjoy your pregnancy and once they see how happy you all are with the new bub that will shut them up  and of course they cost money but hey its all worth it! I grew up as 1 of 4 girls all relatively close together and we absolutetly loved it and get along like best friends so its not a negative thing at all  goodluck for the rest of your pregnancy
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mummymonster
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Posted: 08 September 2010 at 8:22pm |
poor thing - so sorry for you
It should be a time of joy making your own family. Congratulations!
I'm from a family of 4 siblings (7yrs spread) and my sis has 4. 3 sounds like a lot in 'this day and age' but it's not really (says me who's got 1 and wondering if I can cope with #2)
There's an older guy at my work, from a family of 11 kids, and whenever the subject of small children/grandchildren comes up he's so happily animated. He loved being from a big family and can't get enough of children in his life.
Take the good and try and close your ears to the bad.
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LJsmum
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Posted: 08 September 2010 at 8:34pm |
 Some people should not open their mouths and talk! How awful for family to say that stuff. I think people really don't think before they speak!
 Family can be cruel. My father in law was awful when we told them about the highrisk of Ds2 having downs syndrome it was only a risk so didn't thnk much of telling them. But he said "of course if he has this you are never having more children"
Awful ah, how can someone else be so judgemental.
Be strong, you are amazing bringing a child into the world, it's a gift, a treasure.
Don't listen to them. Be strong and together you and your DP will overcome their predjuice.
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