DH and exercise

Is it true that you can't/shouldn't force anyone to do something they don't want to do?

I find this to be very true with my DH. He seems to be allergic to exercise. He really doesn't like it. Fair enough that he gets really tired from getting up early working long hours and commuting, and just wants to come home and relax and chill in weekends. But I think exercise is obviously very important for your physical and mental health and it does so much good. I want us both to be healthy so we can be a good example to our son. But the more I pressure or nag him about it the less likely he is to do anything. He will come with me and the baby for walks sometimes but won't commit to anything regular.

He is a heavy set guy but he could also lose a few kgs, and once again I want him to be fit and healthy for our son so he can run around after him. He's quite good looking and a charmer so he has always relied on that I think and not worried too much about his body so to speak but I really wish he would exercise so he could be healthy... I don't care about it from a physical point of view I just want us both to be the healthiest we can be.

My Mum says you can never make anyone do anything they don't want to do, and change has to come from them. Ive tried talking to him about why I want him to exercise more and about being a good example and being very positive about it and Ive tried encouraging him to join activities, etc but it's just resulted in him doing it to please me and then not sticking to it and wasting money on a membership somewhere, or letting me down when he doesn't want to go for a walk... In the 5 years we have been together Ive not succeeded yet...

Should I give it up or keep trying? Do your partners exercise like they should? Im by no means perfect but I try to exercise at least 3 times a week.

I am trying to help DH get healthy he went to the Dr & was told he has high blood pressure so is on pills for that & has high cholesterol which we are trying to bring down by diet...well that's what he wants to do but he does not want to put the work in.

He was always a skinny kid but now has 10kgs to lose & most is sitting around his stomach.

I have told him he needs to walk at least 30mins every weekday, so he could get the bus to work & walk 10mins to & from the bus stops...he could walk home (well I could do it) he could drive to work in the mornings & I could walk there & pick up the car...so he has heaps of options & I am waiting to see which one if any he will do.

On the food part I have found DH looses weight if I cut the food bill down, fill the plate up with salad/veg & smaller meat rice/potato portions. Also if I add a couple of budget meals like, home made pizza or soup & toasties then not only does it show in the budget but also on the scales.

DH does lose weight quickly if he does not know he is on a diet

We get out weekends with the boys ok & go walking at parks & so on. Maybe you could plan a day in the weekend & pack a sandwich & fruit, bottle of water & go somewhere...put your foot down. We go to the Museum, gardens (there), one tree hill, Ambury, a few places out west for bush walks, the kids love & sometimes I have to force myself to do it but feel great for it....tell him you read somewhere about introducing new experiences to baby weekly.

After a day out walking do a special dinner, but go low fat fewer calories, he won't know...a bit like a bribe.

Hate to say it but sometimes you have to treat them like a child....& if all else fails start planning his funeral (with him) that might be the walk up call he needs...

If you find the perfect answer let me know

My DH walks to work every day and in summer home again which is roughly 7km each way. He doesn't think he is getting enough in and if we had the money he would join the gym. He is great with eating. We go through a phase where we eat bad and the both of us will try our best to diet or at least eat better.

DH's problem with wanting to lose weight though is he starves himself instead of eating sensibly. I really think if he did it right, he would have better results. He prob only needs to lose 5kg and is a healthy and reasonably fit man generally.

I'm the one who needs to step up my game. On the weekends DH takes DD for long walks why I stay behind and clean the house like a mad chicken so I don't have a child hanging off my arms. I would like to do more family walks and free up some time to get out and do exercise.

Edited by Kazper

wiggly_jiggly wrote: In the 5 years we have been together Ive not succeeded yet...

Sounds to me like if he's never been into exercise then you're trying to change something that is part of what makes him "him".

Totally agree with, and understand your reasoning but all I can think is that if you were telling this story but the roles were reversed we'd all be jumping on the bandwagon and saying things like "he shouldn't be trying to change you" or "doesn't he know how tired you are after a busy week and very little spare time" etc

Yeah, I agree on the not trying to change him thing, that he has to work it out for himself. I guess I worry that he won't... both his parents have diabetes and I really don't want him to go down the same road. He's young enough to change it now, he's in his 20s. Its a hard situation because while I know I shouldn't nag or force him, and that he'll have to come to it himself, I don't want to let it go and have bad things happen either... He does sometimes seem to come to it on his own and tries making his diet better and talks about exercise but it doesn't seem to last. ISo I guess I just wait till the day it lasts and in the meantime get him out for walks with me and the baby.

I have tried to make it about me rather than him, ie I really wana lose the baby weight so you supporting me through that by walking would help, and also saying we should walk with baby.

Jazzy your post made me LOL I definitely do try to influence what he eats through the grocery shopping and meal planning. Trouble is he's doing it these days but he is good at sticking to my lists. With him it doesn't tend to be the food he eats so much as the amount. He likes healthy food but is also partial to takeaways, and likes big portions. Our diet is healthy and balanced I believe so it's more in the exercise and the portions I reckon. At the moment what is working is making dinners on friday and saturday night that are junky like nachos but making them as healthy as possible like making my own chips out of tortillas and using chicken mince etc or making home made burgers. And we have also both successfully given up juice and soft drink this year and eat more fruit so he has tried in some ways.

Delli yeah if I nag him about anything not just exercise that will make it his personal mission not to do it lol so I have to be careful about that.

Danda08 you make a very good point, if he was hassling me to exercise I would get annoyed too... it's so hard.

Maybe the problem is not to nag so much (sorry not trying to sound mean). If you are the one cooking make sure that you cook all nice healthy but filling food. Make healthy lunches. And make nice healthy treats.

Instead of going on about exercise and do this for our child etc, perhaps do more active stuff over weekends. Ask him to join you on a walk. Go for a picnic and take a ball with. There is more than one way to be active. Some people are not really into a set fitness program.

Do you have a friend who has a similar problem with their DH?  or maybe you know another guy already into exercise who could encourage your DH to join him?  Both my DH and i go to the gym, and we really enjoy it, however what i've noticed is that for a lot of girls they enjoy the social aspect of the gym (i like catching up with all my friends there) but usually they like to focus on their workout and tend to workout alone (talking weights workouts here), whereas alot of blokes (my DH included) like to work out with another guy - i guess it's useful if they need a spotter etc, but maybe guys do better with the motivation of another guy?  If your DH had a gym training partner and they agreed to workout together at a certain time on set nights he's less likely to give it a miss?

Good luck