Should I say something... or let it go?

Recently a friend came over with her three-year-old boy, who is a bit "rough and tumble". The friend has always been the kind of person to take offence at suggestions that her sons (she has two) are undisciplined, and she tends to let them just wreak havoc wherever they go, excusing their behaviour with a shrug and a grin, saying, "Well, boys will be boys."

Anyway, he was playing with Emma Rose's toys while the friend and I were talking. He was moving like a whirlwind, playing with this toy and that without spending much time on anything. After about half an hour, he brought over Em's toy guitar, which admittedly came from the $2 shop so wasn't ever exactly "quality". He'd broken the strings, and I said it was okay because it was just a cheap toy and not a big deal. So he went back to playing, and we went back to chatting. My back was to him so I couldn't see what he was doing, but my friend had her eye on him so I figured he was fine.

At the end of the visit, I got up to use the toilet and told my friend not to worry about cleaning up the mess, as I'd do it later. When I got back, she was hurriedly cleaning up the toys. I didn't think anything of it at the time...

Later that night, when I was cleaning up the toys, I took a closer look at the guitar her son had broken. He hadn't just broken the strings -- he'd broken off all the bits of plastic that hold the strings on. Okay, cheap toy, I can let that go... Until I saw... THE EVIDENCE. My friend had obviously been trying to hide the other damage he'd done, because there were FIVE other broken toys in a pile underneath a whole lot of other stuff. Including Buzzy Bee, whose wing he managed to snap in half.

Some of the other broken toys were quite expensive and sturdy, so they would have taken a fair bit of wrangling for him to break them. I'm really, really annoyed about this -- and I don't know whether I should say anything to my friend about it, or how to go about mentioning it. She obviously felt guilty about what had happened as the broken toys were hidden from my view. I figure she knew that I'd find them later and would think my own child had done the damage. But... SIX broken toys at once?

Anyone else been in this situation? What did you do? Or what would you do, if you were me? I'm inclined to let it go and never, ever invite them over again. (By the way, this is only the second time he's been here -- the first time, he broke two toys!!!)

You're right -- I think that if she'd been upfront about the whole thing and said, "I'm really sorry, but I just found these toys that my son broke," I would probably have felt better about it (ESPECIALLY if she offered to replace or repair what was broken). I'm most annoyed about Buzzy Bee as he was brand new and Em had only recently started to play with him, and those things are expensive to replace! I just couldn't believe that she would sit there and not be keeping an eye on him while he was destroying Em's toys behind my back, and then hide them from me. It seems like something a child would do -- hide the broken toy so Mum doesn't find out and get mad. But we're adults, for goodness' sake. Sigh. I don't quite know how to bring this up with her. She is VERY defensive about her children and always says that people who don't have boys don't understand that this is their NATURE, to be busy and play "hard" with things.

Edited by Katherine

i would say something for sure. but im a person who at the moment doesnt mind a bit of conflict.
maybe just say something like-hey x i noticed after you and your boys had left that there were several broken toys. a few of these were cheap ones so i am not to worried about them but there were several rather expensive ones broken and i am a bit upset and confused as to why you didnt tell me about the broken toys. i know children can be rough on toys but as some of the broken toys were new blah blah blah......

is there a reason why she is so defensive all the time about her boys? and just doesnt bother keeping a closer eye on them?

I think if it was me I would mention something because six broken toys after one visit is just too much. I would be upset at one, but six! And it almost sounds like he was trying to break them.
Also she knew the toys were broken and tried to hide them herself - very dishonest and disrespectful. If she didn't see and didn't know it's different but this way she is part of the problem as she is aware of what's going on and chosing to ignore it.
I'd be brief and to the point - have you heard of the KKK rule? Kiss-kick-kiss. Maybe say how her boy is really lively etc, mention the broken toys and how some were expensive (I wouldn't confront about her knowing as it sounds like she'd get defensive), then finish with something nice again and leave it at that.
Good luck - do let us know what you decide - it's a tricky situation

I would defintely mention. Boy will be boys, and yeah a bit rough and tumble but this is share outright disrespect. My friend has 2boys the same age as my girls and they spent baby/toddlers/school years here playing with the girls things and I never had a broken toy from them. I would defintely confront her, not about knowing but about the 6broken toys. Hopefully she will offer to replace some or all of them. Best of luck girl

That is just rude and I have a boy as well and he certainly does not wreck his or anyone elses toys.

I hate confrontation as well but 6 toys is way too many toys to have broken. I think perhaps he did some of it on purpose.

I will pack as much of her toys away when I know they are coming and bring out some $2 shop toys and let them play where both of you guys can watch it. And if they do say anything about all the other toys just tell them that some of them got broken last time and they were quite expensive so therefor they cant play with them.

If this mom is decent about it she will offer to replace them if not at least she will totally feel pooped as she will know that you know that she tried to hide it.

well thank goodness i havent been to visit yet or i would think you were talking about my boys!!! lol!

Looks can be deceiving, she may not have been aware they were broken and was just tidying up despite you saying no - i have done that on occasion myself - and if she hadnt been there before or recently she may not have known that her boy was the one who broke the toys. After all if you see a broken toy in a pile of toys you dont automatically assume your kid broke it, do you?

so if you do say something to her i would be careful how you broach it as it may cost a friendship if handled wrongly.   I might be more inclined myself to just not let the kid have access to the good toys in future - even if it did mean tidying up before they come and putting them away.. or have a box of cheap crappy toys you can bring out when they come over - how about a box with the six toys he broke in it...!?

He he he!  Brilliant! 

I'd be inclined not to say anything, I would have if I'd noticed at the time, but to find them later and then say something would be just too awkward, given the fact that she's probably super-embarrassed (especially since she hid them!).  It's a real shame that she didn't just mention something to you at the time.  Maybe you could always suggest playing at a park with them whenever you two meet up, or her place if it's not the nicest day, something along the lines of 'the boys will have much more room to really get in there and hard-out play at the park'. 

I like Debs suggestion...and the park one too...Im thinking we will have to go to the park a lot if we have kids over!!!!!!!!!!

Wish Ella was old enough for playdates with ER = I know she wouldnt break her toys!