Foster parenting

I haven't been here for a while so - hi! - to anyone who missed me lol

We have recently taken in a 14yo family member (male) as he and his solo mum were clashing somewhat. The way things are at present, it looks like we will take him on indefinitely though we still have to talk this through with the mother over the next couple of weeks. Anyway, my eldest is only 5 1/2 so I have a tonne of questions about changing over of his care etc. Schooling, boundaries, etc have actually been fairly easy to sort out with him and if we need help in the future we know friends who can give good advice there.

The part that is foreign to me has to do with food and health! For example, can a 14yo visit his own doctor without a legal guardian present or do I have to get additional guardianship organised first? (Both of his parents live in different towns to us.) It has been 6+ years since he had a hearing and vision test so I want to get that organised asap -- I'll do some phoning around tomorrow.

The other issue, perhaps more immediately concerning, is - will he ever fill up?? Okay I know all the teenage eating jokes, I had them myself, but seriously he ate 5 bowls of cornflakes for the first breakfast he was here. Is that normal or is he perhaps burning more energy at the moment due to stress? How much does it cost to just feed a teenager each week (ie how much does the grocery bill change by)?

And one more question: how much of a spending allowance does your teenager get and is it tied to any responsibility (such as certain chores or even an expectation on what part of it will be spent on, like own clothes and stationery)?

i had a 13 year old foster daughter and i didnt have official custody or any thing like that. it was organised between me and her mother who kicked her out onto the street! i used to take her to the doctors and everything and no probs. they let me change the details in the system to me. as far as eating i figure a girl probably doesnt eat as much but i am quite healthy and stuff and made sure she was eating really good foods such as cereal + fruit for breakie, lunch with lots of protein and same with dinner. if she was hungry she could have a sammy after she got home from school (when she went) always had carrot stciks cut up for her and heaps of fruit as well. lots of milk and cold water to drink and a few snacky type foods but i found if she was getting enough proteins and stuff she stayed full for quite a while. i cant remember how much my food bills were though. if he is super hungry maybe baked beans on toast would be good as its really filling and maybe a bowl of cereal too if he is a real big eater.

id go to the doctor with him if he was sick so you can make sure that he is following up on doctors order ie rest or taking all antibiotics etc... but there are some things a teenage boy may want to go for on his own but maybe if you go with him but stay in the waiting room or something? depends how close you are as to how much he will want to share.

i cant remember with spending as it was a few years ago. i always made sure she had money on her fone (with txt2000 and the telecom deals it is a bit easier) mainly so if i contacted her she could reply. ummm i think thats all ive got. hope that will help :)

WE have an ever hungry teen here too, and in the alost 12 months he has been here I would say we spend at least an extra $100 a week food wise. I tend to keep cup noodles, pies and tuna tins on hand for "snacks" and although I make my own bread, he refuses to eat it so his father buys bread too, and yoghurt, holy smokes we will go through either 2 or 3 L or 2 dozen pottles. Milk and juce and cereal too.
No money here unless it is earned by helping out. We all have jobs to do here, including the small ones, so if he dosen't help out (and we don't ask for much) he gets no $. They cotton on to that fairly quickly.
14 is a fairly tough time for them, the are going through massive hormal changes and kind of lose their brains a bit, especailly if ther aer other issues too. I would reccomend reading He'll be ok, growing gorgeous boys into good men by Celia Lashle, that is a must read.
Good luck!

I don't give my 13 year old pocket money either... she gets money for chores though. If she does one a day (at my request) she earns $10 a week. However, if days are missed we mark it down and she has to make them up before she gets it. It is expected that her room is kept tidy, she walks the dog and does other little jobs to help out as well...

There are non paid jobs in our house too,but unfortunately its very very difficult to get him to pull finger and do them...

A word of advice on teenage biys (and Celia Lashlie will say the same) boys work out exacly howlong it takes them to get ready for school in the morning down to the second and stay in bed untill that very last secind... and will sometimes skip breakfast to get an extra 5 mins...

Its something that drives me BONKERS!

Thanks everyone. The eating seems to have settled down after the first week - or maybe I'm getting used to it. He's pretty good at getting up in the mornings too (yay). I'm not sure what will happen at the end of the month trial, as he wants to stay and his mum wants him back. Trying not to stress, I'm sure things will work out somehow....