| Author |
 Topic Search  Topic Options
|
My3Sons 
Senior Member
Joined: 01 January 1900
Points: 3744
|
 Post Options
 Thanks(0)
 Quote  Reply
 Topic: Sibling rivalry!
Posted: 12 January 2009 at 2:09pm |
I am really struggling with Mr 2 3/4 at the moment and his behaviour towards his baby brother A bit of background:
He was 21 months when his brother was born. Up until Drew started crawling he had pretty much ignored him, it had ben a very smooth transition going from 2-3 kids. Now he is constantly whingeing at him, snatching toys off him and just generally being horrid to him Drew absolutely adores his brother and I think that is half the problem, he constantly follows him around and gets in his face. Yesterday L was even going ahead of D on the floor and picking up toys that he hadnt even got to yet and taking them away, little monkey!
Any ideas or advice? The toys thing I am just trying to encourage sharing, and distracting Drew or trying to stop an arguement before it starts. In Leos defence he has had alot of changes lately, his dummy has gone, he has toilet trained, he has dropped his day time nap as well. It is breaking my heart to see my (usually) sweet little boy acting so mean!
ETA: I am trying to spend more one on one time with him also, but it is hard being the school holidays as well and it doesnt seem to be making a difference?
Edited by KiwiMummy
|
|
|
 |
|
Sponsored Links
|
|
|
Snappy
Senior Member
Joined: 27 August 2007
Location: lower hutt
Points: 2493
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 12 January 2009 at 2:21pm |
Sounds like you are doing everything you can 
The only thing I could offer was perhaps making a big deal when Leo treats his brother nicely? See if that encourages him to be nice?
|
|
Mummy to two beauties... Formerly Kaiz.
|
|
My3Sons
Senior Member
Joined: 01 January 1900
Points: 3744
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 12 January 2009 at 2:25pm |
Thanks Kaiz That is a good idea. Its hard, I never had this problem with my older boy cause he was 5 when his brother turned up and he had his own life, friends etc. I think Leo sees him as a threat now he is on the move?
|
|
|
|
lottieandharry
Senior Member
Joined: 29 March 2007
Location: Canterbury
Points: 537
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 12 January 2009 at 2:49pm |
Hey KM. We have the same problem! Charlotte and Leo are around the same age too. We also have the same age gap. I found it worse each time Harry did something new. It got worse when Harry started crawling as like you said he was more of a threat, then got better, then he walked and it got worse again.
I find also that Harry adores Charlotte and wants to play but she doesn't want him playing with her things. She was even hiding toys from him ( his toys even) around Xmas time!!??
I find it worse in the arvos when Charlotte is getting tired as she doesn't sleep anymore.
I am just doing what you are doing and waiting for the stage to pass. I figure it is all learning and in time she will get better.
She can be absolutely sweet and gorgeous to him as well. Today she got home from preschool and said "Hi, I missed you my wee buddy guy" and smooched him! So she does love him it's just hard for her adjusting to him as he grows up I guess!
Sorry a bit of a ramble and not much help but you are not alone trying to work through this
|
|
|
|
arohanui
Senior Member
Joined: 16 January 2007
Location: Auckland
Points: 4427
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 12 January 2009 at 2:59pm |
Char, that must be tough 
The only idea I have - how about giving Leo some "big boy space"... like he could sit at the dining table and put a couple of toys up there to play with. Then he'd have a little while of just being able to play without his ever adoring brother. Not all the time, but maybe even 1/2 hour a day where he knows the toys he's picked are his to play with without interruption. And then the rest of the time he's learning to share.
Maybe you could say things like (actually you probably already do) "look how much Drew loves you, he wants to come and see what you're doing... he thinks you're a great big brother... can you show him how the toy works? he needs your help doesn't he, cos he's just little".
I have no idea if those things would work (no nearly 3 year old in this house!) but just some things you could try if you want to...
|
Mama to DS1 (5 years), DS2 (3 years) and... 
|
|
ElfsMum
Senior Member
Joined: 04 June 2007
Location: Christchurch
Points: 11702
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 12 January 2009 at 4:40pm |
I have no good advice but to you!
|
|
Mum to two amazing boys!
|
|
Bobbie
Senior Member
Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: North Shore Auckland
Points: 6123
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 12 January 2009 at 4:41pm |
|
Sounds like you're doing everything you can. My friend is going through the same thing with her 3 year old and her 13 month old. I can ask her if she's got any suggestions.
|
|
|
|
kiwisj
Senior Member
Joined: 02 June 2008
Points: 2434
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 12 January 2009 at 6:01pm |
Poor you, that must be such hard work My SIL had the same problem with her boys a couple of months back .. she has a similar age gap with her two as well.
From memory I think she just tried to weather the storm a bit and looked forward to the day DS1 was at daycare each week so that she could have a break  I'll see if she's got any good tips when I talk to her later tonight.
Sounds like you're doing everything you can, and it does get better (or maybe SIL has given up telling me about it lol) 
|
|
SJ
Callum - Dec 2008
Daniel - Oct 2010
|
|
busymum
Senior Member
Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: New Zealand
Points: 12236
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 12 January 2009 at 7:49pm |
|
During your special times together you can tell him that you are going to do some "big boy" stuff because baby is "too little". Also he could have a few of his own toys that he doesn't have to share, which are kept in his bedroom and played with when baby is in bed or at the table (too high to reach).
|
|
|
|
xox6Girls1Boyxox
Senior Member
Joined: 11 May 2008
Location: Tauranga
Points: 1163
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 13 January 2009 at 9:02am |
Hi, Im going thru a similar situation at the moment with my 31mth old Miss J & 20mth old Miss K...
I dont know weather your situation would be the same as mine but I have a friend who is a child Pyscologist & she advised me that when i had miss K, Miss J was still quite young and because she still needed heaps of attention at the time she really felt the shift of attention when Mis K arrived.
I didnt intentionally mean to leave Miss J out but thats just how things went when I had a newborn, My DP was still in the picture with Miss J all the time but it was my attention she was craving rather than DP's.
Due to this change in attention from Miss J to Miss K My poor little Miss J started to behave badly to get my attention & because it worked wonders in her eyes to get the attention she started doing more extreme things especially to Miss K when she started to sit up, Crawl then walk.... Miss J has done some pretty nasty stuff to Miss K & she really got my attention when she done bad things & the sad thing about it was that the attention I was giving her at the times she done bad things was negative attention eg: Naughty corner etc..
I now spend one on one time with Miss J on a daily basis now & she loves it, even if it's just her sitting on my knee and we have big big cuddles or watch a movie together & or I take her to the supermarket with me, Just little positive things can make a huge difference in her behaviour....I also impose a time where it's Miss J, Miss K & I all playing together, Dont get me wrong she is still a little monkey sometimes but I must admit her behaviour toward Miss K has really changed for the better.....
I have to apply the same stratergies(sp) with Miss K now as I have a 4wk old & I dont want it to become a cycle.... Everyone is different but this is just my personal experience..... I hope things get better for you & your boys...
|
|
|
|
My3Sons
Senior Member
Joined: 01 January 1900
Points: 3744
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 13 January 2009 at 9:36am |
Thank you everyone for your responses!
Mumof72B (im guessing its 7 now, congrats!!! ). That totally makes sense about the negative attention still being attention. He has a time out seat and I usually put him there when I am at my wits end! I have been really trying hard to do things with just him and have been taking him out by himself in the weekends when DH is around. How on earth do you do it with 7! You are a legend!!
Busymum the big boy emphasis is a good idea too!! They dont share a room at the moment but they will be in the next few months when I move Mr almost 8 into his own room, now that he is older he needs his own space. I am actually waiting a bit longer til he gets over this whole thing!
Thank kiwisj!! He will be starting at afternoon kindy this term which will be a great time out for him and me I think!!
Thanks my lovely Jan/feb mummas, where would I be without you guys for support!! Liz I try to be one step ahead and move him up higher if he is engrossed in something, lots of playing at the dining room table lol! Drew is usually at his feet trying to grab something though little ratbag!
LOL at Charlotte hiding her toys Katie!! You wonder what goes through their little minds huh? Thats exactly it, Drew jsut adores him so much and wants to be near him all the time, sounds exactly like what Harry is doing! If you come across any magic solutions please let me know!!
|
|
|
|
Sibling rivalry!
